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Is it too late to ask this bridesmaid?

I made a horrible mistake.

I have been good friends with this girl for literally 15 years. 

She is very non-traditional and a non-wedding person. She's a lesbian in open relationships, therefore she doesn't believe in marriage, and I truly didn't ask her ONLY because I thought she was doing a work exchange in Europe during my wedding, and I didn't want to put pressure on her to be at the wedding.
I also didn't think she would be comfortable standing up during a wedding, when she's been so vocal about her stance AGAINST marriage. 

She asked me in December 09 if she was a bridesmaid, and I said no, because of the reasons explained above. I felt bad. It was obvious at the time she was hurt.

I want to ask her now. I want to apologize and ask her to be in my April wedding. 

HOWEVER, one of my bridesmaids (who I asked by mistake) is no longer in my wedding because she's selfish, rude and disruptive. She literally didn't respond to a single message, didn't show up at my bridal shower. She's out. She ignored all and any wedding related messages, and I haven't talked to her since November. She missed the deadline to get a dress. Clearly, she's taken herself out of the wedding. I swear it wasn't because of me.  All of my fiance's family told me not to ask her. It's just who she is - she's my would be FSIL and even my fiance said not to ask to ask her because she's selfish, but I asked her thinking it would make us closer.. How dumb was that???

I don't want to make my friend feel like she's being a replacement though. I have been thinking about asking her all year. What do I do?? Do I ask my good friend, apologize deeply and pay for her dress?? Or do I suck it up and have uneven sides?

Uneven sides don't bother me, but I really and truly feel like my wedding wouldn't be complete without her. I know when I ask this friend, I'll start apologizing and immediately burst into tears. I understand now that a possibility of Europe and non-marriage was a bad reason not to ask a dear friend.
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