Fiance's Sisters

cmk682

Hi ladies!  Advice needed please!

Okay. I have been going back and forth about whether or not to include my fiance's sisters (he has 3) as bridemaids.  I get along with all of them, but we are not super close at all.  In my opinion, I thought that they would rather spend the day socializing with family rather than having to deal with bridesmaid duties.  However, I was out for drinks with one of my fiance's sisters and she made a comment that alluded to the fact that she assumed she and her sisters would be included in the bridal party.  The last thing I want to do is create drama with my new family and I would without a doubt include them if we were closer....but I just don't feel like we are.  I envisioned my wedding party to be my very best friends and not people who don't really know me (we dont see each other often) .  And in my mind, I had thought that they might actually be irritated that they have to spend all the time and money involved in being a bridesmaid for someone they aren't that close to....I really just don't know what the right thing is to do here.  My fiance says he doesnt think that I should include them, but I know that if this does end up causing hurt feelings....the anger will be towards me and not him.  Has anyone been in this situation before?

blackfire5th

Okay, lots of problems to address:

First, the only bm duties are to get the dress, show up sober to the wedding, and smile for photos.  Your bm's won't have any duties during the reception except maybe help you if your bustle breaks and to help you pee, those aren't bm duties, but the ladies you've chosen as bm will probably want to help out.

Second, you don't have to include them in the party, however if it is going to cause some drama you could add them to your side, your FI could add them to his, you could do a combo of his sisters on his or your side, or you could have them each do a reading.  Or, one bridesmaid, one groomswomen, one reader, or any other combo, all honor positions.

Third, your FI needs to fix this problem of them automatically blaming you.  Your FI should have long ago asserted that you two are a unit and make decisions together.  In this case you need to worry about your FI standing up to his family.

pattye14

Is your FI close with his sisters?  If he is then I would say yes you should include them.  FI is not close with both my brothers but they are both in the wedding because it was important for me to have my brother's be part of my wedding.  also, would there be enough guys in the wedding to balance everyone out?

Do you have any siblings that are part of your wedding?  I was in a friend's wedding and I thought it was weird that none of their brother's or sister's were in the wedding until I realized that there were too many and they didn't want to include some and not all.  I do know that they gave all their siblings gifts at the wedding to thank them for all their support during the wedding planning.

lalap69

Ditto blackfire re: BM duties.

What does your FI think?  Is he close to his sisters?  I generally think it's on the person whose siblings they are to decide if they want them on the WP.  Personally, I think that if he wants them to be attendants he should ask them.  I'm having my brother as a bridesman because he's much closer to me than to my FI.

MyNameIsNot

Ditto Blackfire.

I think they belong on his side.

CTGirl30

Another ditto for blackfire - she covered all the bases nicely.

You and your FI have some options there to consider. And yeah, just b/c they're women doesn't mean they could only potentially stand on YOUR side or that if you would rather not have them as BMs you need to be the one to take the fallout for any hurt feelings when he could just as well ask them to be on his side or come up with other options (readers, etc).

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiances-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec3ad932-b693-4c2d-92d2-8f09bf93c1dePost:d4084b28-a4fa-4d8e-bb0a-ddedcf2a7da2">Re: Fiance's Sisters</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your FI close with his sisters?  If he is then I would say yes you should include them.  FI is not close with both my brothers but they are both in the wedding because it was important for me to have my brother's be part of my wedding.<div>
</div><div> <strong><u> also, would there be enough guys in the wedding to balance everyone out?</u></strong> Do you have any siblings that are part of your wedding?  I was in a friend's wedding and I thought it was weird that none of their brother's or sister's were in the wedding until I realized that there were too many and they didn't want to include some and not all.  I do know that they gave all their siblings gifts at the wedding to thank them for all their support during the wedding planning.
Posted by pattye14[/QUOTE]

</div><div>What does that have to do with anything? Wedding parties do NOT need to be even. In fact, uneven sides are becoming the norm. What matters is having the most important people to you and your FI by your side while you are saying your vows, not filling spots with arbitrary numbers.</div>

DanielleD7782

You should have the people you want stand up next to you. His sisters will get over it eventually if you don't have them. I do agree that your FI could have them on his side though. I've seen lots of Groomswomen and it isnt' that out of place anymore.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiances-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec3ad932-b693-4c2d-92d2-8f09bf93c1dePost:d4084b28-a4fa-4d8e-bb0a-ddedcf2a7da2">Re: Fiance's Sisters</a>:
[QUOTE] also, would there be enough guys in the wedding to balance everyone out?
Posted by pattye14[/QUOTE]

This has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. There don't have to be enough guys to "balance out" the girls. Uneven sides in WPs are perfectly fine. You don't need to match sides up. In fact, it's probably not a good idea to try to do that if it doesn't occur naturally since relationships with people should take precedence over having an arbitrary number of people on each side.

anne.azano

You should pick the people who are closest to you, and not bow to pressure.  If you are close to them, choose them, but if there are people you'd rather choose, than go with them.  There really shouldn't be this pressure on you unless you have a close relationship.  Being in a bridal party is an honor, but it's not a right.