How to get a close guy friend involved?

JOleksa

There's always something...

Im very, VERY close with a male friend. He is probably a better friend than half of my bridesmaids! My fiance thinks its soooooo weird and refuses to have him a part of the bridal party on my end- and he already asked all his guys. My fiance also refuses to have uneven numbers. 

I know that my friend is going to be there for me for the entire day- would probably even set up and tear down. 

How could I get him involved in the wedding in a non-cheesy way? Id love for him to get recognition for all the ways he is there for us. 

Id love to hear suggestions!

Manwaithiel

It's not his decision who's in your bridal party. Did you get to dictate his guys? No? Then he needs to learn where to take a step back. It's not his decision.

Talk to your FI about why he feels this way. Obviously he has strong feelings aboutt his (most likely jealousy) and if you guys are going to be successful, you need to speak about these things.

Edit: Tell your FI to chill on the uneven sides. He's probably only saying that to bar you from asking the guy to be a bridesman.

Beachy730

I can understand your FI is uncomfortable with mixed gender sides if he's never seen it before.  I was telling H that now its pretty common and he thought it was the wierdest thing ever.  But neither of us have ever seen or heard of it before I came on TK.  The uneven sides though is something he should be a litle more lenient on though.  But it is still also his day too, so I'm sure you want to keep him happy about it as well.

Different ideas for him are being a reader, an usher, rolling the aisle runner down, or walking your mom in.  Obviously these things though depend on the type of ceremony you are having and if you already have people to do these things. 

aerinpegadrak

He refuses to let you have someone in YOUR wedding party?  Whoa.  That's horribly controlling.  You don't get any say over who stands up with him (unless the person physically assaulted you or something), and he doesn't get any say over who stands up with you.  Personally, I would be seriously second-guessing if I wanted to commit the rest of my life to someone who thought that he had the right to make such a personal decision for me.  That's not okay.

SassyBrass

If your FI knows you well enough to marry you he should know how much this friend means to you, and shouldn't have a problem with him being in your BP. If it's important to you to try and get your point across to him, you should show him pictues of uneven sides and mixed gender sides. There's not anything wrong with either.
There are probably other things to have him involved, but would your FI even be okay with those alternatives?

MyWedding13

Could he be an usher? Or do all of your readings or something like that?

Lilou902

My guy friend is in our wedding on my guys side.  I already had more BMs than my FI has GM, so it made sense for him to be on that side.  Plus, he wouldn't have gone for standing on my side anyway.  I always knew my friend would be in my wedding, and FI is ok with that.  There was never any question because we are so close.  You need to really talk to your FI.

mbcdefg

You have a bigger problem than where to stick your guy friend. Your FI is being really unreasonable.

Talk to your FI about this and politely but firmly explain that gender and even numbers don't matter. If he still won't budge (and more importantly, if he bosses you around like this), I'd really rethink your relationship with him.

I don't think it's unreasonable or a red flag if your FI is concerned about "tradition" and "the way things have always been done" ... but if he still refuses to see it your way (or refuses to talk about it) even after you explain that friends' feelings are more important than meaningless/outdated traditions, then THAT is a big problem.

It's going to lead to future problems in your relationship if he's willing to leave a friend behind because of something silly like a one-day tradition that really means nothing when you come right down to it. Plus, if he's jealous of you having male friends (like a PP suggested), that's not healthy for an equal marriage, either.

suz62984

It isn't your FI's place to decide where this guy will stand or who you have in your wedding party. I would include him on my side...end of story. Don't want to stand up for what you believe in? Have him do a reading.

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_close-guy-friend-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f017ac67-b33a-4dda-b139-0e8fe91e55cfPost:7b4f12bc-0a29-456d-92d7-c638cd23e272">Re: How to get a close guy friend involved?</a>:
[QUOTE]Could he be an usher? Or do all of your readings or something like that?
Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

agreed

marissa_claire

Same boat - I had my best guy friend be an usher.  He was excited!