A friend-less bride needs help! lol

tayca9174

I'm going to be getting married next summer and I really don't have any good girlfriends that I immediately thought of asking be my bridesmaids. I am a tomboy and have never really had girlfriends that I was close to. I was thinking that perhaps now is the chance to ask some girls I get along with to be in the wedding party in hopes of developing a closer friendship? Is this a bad idea? I don't want them to feel obligated to be a bridesmaid because I asked them and I don't want it to be akward since I'm not close to them. I'm just not sure what to do??

QueerFemme

I agree with PP.  Asking someone to be in your wedding isnt' a good way of developing a friendship.   Spend the next 5-6 months getting to KNOW them. If you end up besties, then ask them sometime in spring.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:c0b5d065-3b41-425d-adab-53f18d36a88a">A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to be getting married next summer and I really don't have any good girlfriends that I immediately thought of asking be my bridesmaids. I am a tomboy and have never really had girlfriends that I was close to. I was thinking that perhaps now is the chance to ask some girls I get along with to be in the wedding party in hopes of developing a closer friendship? Is this a bad idea? I don't want them to feel obligated to be a bridesmaid because I asked them and I don't want it to be akward since I'm not close to them. I'm just not sure what to do??
Posted by tayca9174[/QUOTE]

Weddings don't strengthen relationships, they push them to the breaking point and beyond.  If you make it through to the other side, you're usually stronger, but that's often a mighty big "if."  Asking someone that you're not particularly close to (like, hiding a body at 3am close) is a recipe for disaster.

Ask the people you can't imagine getting married without.  If that's guys, ask them.  If that's no one, don't have attendants.  Your sides don't have to be even, so your FI can still ask people even if you don't.

Summer2011Bride

Ditto PPs. First, if you have close guy friends, you can absolutely ask them to stand up on your side at your wedding.

Secondly, if you truly want to get to be better friends with some girls, focus just on the friendship aspect right now. If you develop a close relationship with someone over the next few months, you can always ask her to be in your WP at that time.

doublenn

I was in the same situation as you. I have a couple of good girlfriends, but no one that I felt close enough to ask for the wedding party.

So, Fi and I are having a small bridal party. My brother is my man of honor, and he has his brother and his best friend (double whammy of uneven sides AND "wrong gender" on my side). If you have a male that's close to you, you can ask them.

But honestly, DON'T ask girls you're not familiar with. It might look desperate. I know I probably would have, had I done it.

tayca9174

1) I don't have any male friends because my male friends weren't really friends at all...they were just friends in hopes of me becoming single one day and then they woudl be able to date me.
2) My fiance has brothers and a few best friends who will be standing up in the wedding. I feel really AWFUL that he has 6 people standing up and I have zero. My mom and grandmother have told me how pathetic it will look that I have no friends....hence...why I wanted to ask some girls I got along with and try to work on friendships with them.
3) Can I wait until spring to ask the girls to stand up for my wedding? Is that fair for them to wait that long?

SachaBee

I think you could probably wait to ask until about 6 months before the wedding. Do you have any family members who you are at least close-ish to? Not sisters or brothers but perhaps cousins or a young aunt or uncle? While I agree that uneven sides is usually not an issue, I can see that 6-0 will just make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps if you are also close to some of his friends or relatives, they could be on "your" side... does he have a sister?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:700bc29c-c511-4ef5-b813-41015fa10233">Re: A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]1) I don't have any male friends because my male friends weren't really friends at all...they were just friends in hopes of me becoming single one day and then they woudl be able to date me. 2) My fiance has brothers and a few best friends who will be standing up in the wedding. I feel really AWFUL that he has 6 people standing up and I have zero. <strong>My mom and grandmother have told me how pathetic it will look that I have no friends</strong>....hence...why I wanted to ask some girls I got along with and try to work on friendships with them. 3) Can I wait until spring to ask the girls to stand up for my wedding? Is that fair for them to wait that long?
Posted by tayca9174[/QUOTE]
What a horrible thing to say.  That's the kind of thing that would make me stop returning their calls.

tayca9174

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:2252bfc6-afdf-4c85-8a18-5b7fba266f83">Re: A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A friend-less bride needs help! lol : What a horrible thing to say.  That's the kind of thing that would make me stop returning their calls.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Apparently our decision to not have a huge Catholic wedding ceremony has made my grandmother upset and say mean things about EVERYTHING...and my mother feels necessary to repeat to me.

tayca9174

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:3f020d9b-17a4-4d72-8452-0552d41d508a">Re: A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you could probably wait to ask until about 6 months before the wedding. Do you have any family members who you are at least close-ish to? Not sisters or brothers but perhaps cousins or a young aunt or uncle? While I agree that uneven sides is usually not an issue, I can see that 6-0 will just make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps if you are also close to some of his friends or relatives, they could be on "your" side... does he have a sister?
Posted by SachaBee[/QUOTE]

He has a sister in law I was thinking about asking in hopes of getting to know her better and having her be part of our day...is that a bad idea?

[Deleted User]

Again, its not a good idea to use the wedding to "get closer" to anyone.  You should get close first, and then decide about the wedding. 
Weddings can create a lot of stress and drama, and that's not going to help these "relationships".
Don't worry about what everyone else thinks your wedding should be, and do what feels right for you and F

Carson386

I agree with everyone, don't ask people in order to become closer with them. Over the next few months if you become closer with his sister in law, then it's ok to ask her. I also agree that aunts and cousins can be a great addition. I went to a wedding where the bride's mother and the groom's mother stood up for the bride. It was different, but it worked.

Maggie0829

I am sorry that your Mother and Grandmother are such douchebags.  That is such a hurtful and mean hearted thing to say to you.

As far as you not having anyone standing on your side...that is ok.  Like PP said, asking people to be in your wedding to try and get to know them better and become better friends is not a good idea.

I was going to suggest asking your Mom (if you are very close to her) to be your MOH but since she feels it necessary to say mean things to you I am going to say that it may not be the best idea.

What about your family?  Do you have any cousins that you may be close to?

In the end, what matters is that you and your FI are getting married.  You don't have to have a certain amount of people in your WP to make your marriage legal.  Take it from someone who does not have a lot of girlfriends and had only two people stand up for her and one was my sister so that was a no brainer.  But I wouldn't have had it any other way because I know that the two people standing up with me will always be in my life while the many others that I could have asked may not be.

aerinpegadrak

Yeah, I would be having a very serious and potentially final talk with your mother if I were in your shoes.  It's really not okay for her to be telling you that kind of stuff and making you feel like your decisions aren't good enough.  But then, I'm not the kind of person who takes that kind of treatment from anyone, including my parents, and I've had to put my foot down (respectfully but firmly) with them in the past.

souptin

My 2 cents:

I was in a similar situation, except I have a lot of guy friends, the girls in my life were friends but not close enough to ask to be part of the hooplah, only 1 was and she is already my wedding planner ( we knew each other previously)

our solution:

We asked people to be in 1 wedding party...not grooms men not brides maids just 1 wedding party of people that knew us and supported us as a couple and have been there through our relationship.

the end result:
turns out all our besties are guys so we have 4 dudes standing up for us at our wedding. I couldn't be happier!

I know that everyone of the people support each of us and know us as a couple and can stand up for us with clear conscience knowing how strong our relationship is because they were there for us during the ride.

don't know if that will help but I hope it does

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:06c138b3-e770-4995-96ef-ea0d412e5ccc">Re: A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]My 2 cents: I was in a similar situation, except I have a lot of guy friends, the girls in my life were friends but not close enough to ask to be part of the hooplah, only 1 was and she is already my wedding planner ( we knew each other previously) our solution: We asked people to be in 1 wedding party...not grooms men not brides maids just 1 wedding party of people that knew us and supported us as a couple and have been there through our relationship. the end result: turns out all our besties are guys so we have 4 dudes standing up for us at our wedding. I couldn't be happier! I know that everyone of the people support each of us and know us as a couple and can stand up for us with clear conscience knowing how strong our relationship is because they were there for us during the ride. don't know if that will help but I hope it does :)
Posted by souptin[/QUOTE]
I was going to suggest this as a possibility as well.  You can have all of the attendants lined up behind you or seated during the ceremony, and can let the photographer know that there's not a bride's side and a groom's side so they can position people however for the pictures.  Then you don't have to worry about your numbers vs. his, even if they do end up being all technically his.

LauraJean317

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_a-friend-less-bride-needs-help-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18683ed-21a5-47bc-b12d-dcb23237e807Post:c0b5d065-3b41-425d-adab-53f18d36a88a">A friend-less bride needs help! lol</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to be getting married next summer and I really don't have any good girlfriends that I immediately thought of asking be my bridesmaids. I am a tomboy and have never really had girlfriends that I was close to. I was thinking that perhaps now is the chance to ask some girls I get along with to be in the wedding party in hopes of developing a closer friendship? Is this a bad idea? I don't want them to feel obligated to be a bridesmaid because I asked them and I don't want it to be akward since I'm not close to them. I'm just not sure what to do??
Posted by tayca9174[/QUOTE]

I feel your pain! I've been with my fiance for more than 8 years now (long story)..ever since we had our daughter 6 years ago, I've lost touch with all of my friends, since they were mostly partiers. The ones I would like to reconnect with have moved out of state, so I have no one in mind for our wedding next year. I'm considering asking my former best friend...we haven't physically seen each other for 5 years, but we text every few days/couple weeks. Sad relationship, I know...but other than my mom, daughter, and fiance, I don't really talk to anyone else. I know I need to have at least one person up there, but I really have no idea.

Good luck!

RoseButtercup

I think asking his sister-in-law would be perfectly appropriate.

I didn't have a lot of female friends for my first wedding.  My sister and my best friend stood up with me, and also two women that my then-fiance was friends with who I also enjoyed hanging out with.

I wish I had waited to ask anyone until 6 months before the wedding, because I became good friends with another woman between me asking the first round and that point, and I didn't want to add any more.