I need bridesmaids!

tigerlily25

I'm kind of in a tough spot. I have moved out of state to be with my fiance and his family, and dont really have anyone I feel close enough to ask to be in my wedding party and I dont really have any female companions nearby to assist me in all of the fun planning (wedding dress shopping etc), as my mother or friends would if they lived closer. My long distance friends have indicated they arent planning on traveling for my wedding... I feel like a loser doing this all alone! lol

Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I want my wedding planning to be a fun, experience not remind me that I dont have any nearby friends!

gottahavashorti

I'm confused by what you mean about not traveling for the wedding - is the wedding in your FI's hometown and your friends don't plan to attend, or do they not want to visit in order to help you plan?

The only duties of a BM are to purchase the requested attire (within their budget and a cut that fits them reasonably well), show up sober to the wedding, stand quietly through the ceremony and smile through pictures.  Although many BMs do much more than that, that is all that is required of them.  Those who are in your WP should be your nearest and dearest friends (male or female), not those who might help you out the most.

Will you be traveling to your family at all or will one of your family members or friends be visiting at some point?  If so, you can go dress shopping then.  If not, you could go with one of your FI's family members if you feel close enough to do so.

In most aspects of planning though, your FI is the one who should be helping you anyway, or turn to the knot for help.  If your friends from home are interested in planning, you can still share ideas with them online, just try not to inundate them.  Honestly, my BMs are away at school but when they are in town they have still shared things such as BM dresses they like with me online.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18e5087-435f-41dd-b9a3-4f9d93c7f4dePost:3d4e76e5-107b-45d8-ac03-9c2d6727e2a2">I need bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kind of in a tough spot. I have moved out of state to be with my fiance and his family, and dont really have anyone I feel close enough to ask to be in my wedding party and I dont really have any female companions nearby to assist me in all of the fun planning (wedding dress shopping etc), as my mother or friends would if they lived closer. My long distance friends have indicated they arent planning on traveling for my wedding... I feel like a loser doing this all alone! lol Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I want my wedding planning to be a fun, experience not remind me that I dont have any nearby friends!
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]

<div>It's you and your FI's job to plan the wedding. You don't need a posse to choose a florist or book a DJ. Seriously. Just ask whoever you can't imagine being by your side when you get married, no matter where they live. They aren't (and shouldn't be) your wedding planners, so stop looking at them way. I totally understand being disappointed that you don't have friends near by, but that should not have anything to do with your wedding party.</div>

stina93446

No one has to help you plan your wedding except you. None of my bms were anywhere near me and I did it with my FI, my mom, and myself. If you need more help than that, you need to hire a wedding planner. bms don't have duties except for to show up in the dress.

Ask your friends from before and see what they say.And ps, you DON'T NEED bms. You'd LIKE to have them, but they are in no way a requirement.

mbcdefg

People do not need to be your bridesmaids to help you plan. We had lots of offers from non-bridesmaids to help us plan. Anyone who wants to help you will volunteer. And even if you had bridesmaids, they might not help you out.
 
My BMs helped my mom throw a shower for me, and my sister/MOH put together a bachelorette party for tomorrow, and they each came to one dress shopping appointment. That was all. FI and I visited venues and interviewed vendors, FI and I decided on the details, FI and I are the ones who are doing last-minute preparations. Not my bridesmaids, not his groomsmen. I was actually the one who did most of the research and vendor contacts, and the two of us finalized the choices together, so technically I did a lot of it myself. If your wedding is so complicated that you "need" help besides your FI, then that's the point where you need to step back and figure out how to make it simpler. Or hire a planner if it's in you budget.

Your bridesmaids should be your dearest friends. Not people that you round up to look pretty in photos or help you plan things. If you can definitely say, "I would like X and Y" standing up with me, ask them. If you have to struggle to think of people, or talk yourself into asking people, then that's not a wise idea to ask them. Have one attendant, have none, no matter how many people your fiance asks. And if you have brothers or guy friends, it's A-O.K. to ask them to be in your wedding party on your side!

And look at it this way ... read all the posts here where people are complaining about their bridesmaids not buying the dresses or being difficult (or the bride being difficult and the BMs getting fed up with her). If you don't have bridesmaids, then all of these problems go right out the window. Plenty of people forego the bridal party, or only one partner will have attendants, and things go just fine.

suz62984

Maybe you could find it in your budget to pay for the BM's travel. That might help out with the expense and allow them to come to the wedding?

lalap69

I would definitely be sad if I'd moved and my close friends weren't planning on traveling for my wedding, but maybe you can talk to them.  If the expense is the issue, maybe you can find some room in your budget to help them with it.

Definitely don't ask people who you aren't that close to just so that you can have BM's.  BM's are not a requirement, and that's a lot to ask for a new friendship.

And, as PPs have said, the person responsible for helping you plan is your FI.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18e5087-435f-41dd-b9a3-4f9d93c7f4dePost:c3767e56-f465-4098-b65c-32c2856af29d">Re: I need bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I need bridesmaids! : It's you and your FI's job to plan the wedding. <strong>You don't need a posse to choose a florist or book a DJ</strong>. Seriously. Just ask whoever you can't imagine being by your side when you get married, no matter where they live. They aren't (and shouldn't be) your wedding planners, so stop looking at them way. I totally understand being disappointed that you don't have friends near by, but that should not have anything to do with your wedding party.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

<div><3</div>

theresat858

I agree with what has been said... I have bridesmaids, but 3/4 of them live in different states - and a different state than my parents.  For shopping for my bridal gown, I did some preliminary shopping on my own and with my local moh, but if she wasn't local, I also have a few friends-of-the-groom that would have been more than excited to go with me.  Do you two have any couple-friends that you hang out with, and would any of those women be interested in helping you in the dress shopping?  By this, I don't mean picking out your dress - I mean coming as moral support while you get an idea of the styles you want etc.
For buying the gown itself, I traveled to visit my parents for a weekend, and my mother and I did the final selection together - but because I had already done a lot of shopping without her, we only had to go to two stores before being certain of the "perfect dress". 
As for your close friends not wanting to travel for your wedding...???  If it isn't a financial issue (or time-off-work), you need to ask yourself how close these friends really are - I know that I would be willing to travel for one weekend for any good friends wedding.  If you are expecting more travel than that - ie coming in every few weekends to help with planning etc - maybe you need to lower your expectations...and remember that with the internet, a lot of planning and advice giving and opinion expressing can be done over e-mail.  As most of my bms are not local, I found dresses I liked at a national retailer, and then sent them all a page of photos to get their opinions on the dresses before picking one (or several; i still haven't decided on that).  I've been doing the same with pics of other things that I want opinions on from my friends. 
There is even a bridal store here that will provide video conferencing during your appointment with whoever you choose! This sounded over-the-top to me and also like something my mother couldn't figure out from her end, and I never went there, but I thought it was an interesting idea.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f18e5087-435f-41dd-b9a3-4f9d93c7f4dePost:3d4e76e5-107b-45d8-ac03-9c2d6727e2a2">I need bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]=My long distance friends have indicated they arent planning on traveling for my wedding... I feel like a loser doing this all alone! lol Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I want my wedding planning to be a fun, experience not remind me that I dont have any nearby friends!
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]

Well I guess I'm a loser too because I did most of the planning on my own (with FI's help) and many of my BMs lived in the same area as me.

It isn't anyone e'se's job to help you plan your wedding.