Wedding Party

Long distance MOH

My best friend just asked me to be her MOH.  I am so deeply touched and I can't wait to share her special day with her.  I would like to do as much as possible for her, but I live hundreds of miles away and my husband and I are on a tight budget.  We will definitely be there for the rehearsal, ceremony, reception and any weekend festivities, but I can't make a promise that I will be able to be there for her shower or bachelorette party (even though I know I am supposed to plan them!) I will do everything I can to plan these festivities from afar (with help of course from the people who actually live near her).  We haven't had time to talk at length yet, so I really don't know what she expects, but how should I bring my concerns up to the bride?  I don't want her to think I am shirking my duties, but I know I will not be able to be there in person for a lot of the events that happen prior to a wedding.  I am so excited for her and I want her to have the happiest experience of her life.  I'm just worried I'm not going to be able to do all the "duties" I'm really supposed to.
Any thoughts?

Re: Long distance MOH

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    Hmm... I just answered this in a thread below called "MOH and duties."

    I was in a similar situation as you and was honest with my friend.  I told her I loved her and was so touched she asked me, but there wasn't any way I could do what were traditionally believe to be MOH duties.  She told me she didn't care and that she didn't pick me to throw parties for her or spend tons of money.  She wanted me at the wedding and everything else was extra. 

    Be communicative and honest with your friend about your concerns. 
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    Tell your friend your concerns.  Obviously she knew your were long-distance when she asked you, and she asked you anyways.  Ask her about a shower, because she might not even be expecting you to throw one.  In my area, its usualy the MOB who throws the shower. 

    Are you good with crafts and stuff?  Maybe you can offer to make her favors for the shower or something, or to make programs or something.  She can mail you stuff and you can mail it back, or you can do stuff through email. 

    Since you won't be there for the shower or bach-party, maybe you can treat you and her to mani-pedis or a massage together when you go there for the wedding. 
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    Just offer to do what you can, or what you want to do. It's great that you want to help out, but please realize that you're not required to.

    A true friend will just be happy to have you there on the wedding day. She should be asking you to be MOH because you're her closest friend, not because you'll be able to do a lot of stuff for her.  

    I'd really question my friendship with someone who got pissy with me because I lived too far away to help her plan her wedding. And if I was asked to be MOH or a BM for someone, and she suggested I step down because I wouldn't be available to help out much during her engagement, that'd be the end of the friendship for me.

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    Listent to Joy!
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    I don't think she would have asked you if she seriously thought you had a checklist to accomplish.  I'm sure she'll understand if you can't make it to everything, and if she doesn't then maybe you shouldn't be her MOH.
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    My auntie C is getting married next weekend and her MOH is her sister and she lives in another province. When my aunties sister was asked to be the MOH for her wedding she kinda freaked out, obviously she said yes though. She had some concerns ecspecially about the dress fittings and such but C had a friend that was also one of her bridesmaids and she was the same size as her sister so she had everything fiqured out before even asking and all the concerns were taken care of and her sister flew in for the shower and planned everything because she was so touched that she was asked even though she lived in another province and she couldnt be happier. So yes it is possible that anyone can be a MOH even though they may live somewhere completly different then you.
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    edited September 2010
    all my bridesmaids live in different states than me and I knew when I asked them that.  I know they are not going to be able to help with much, aside from the wedding day, so hopefully she'll be considerate of that. I know it costs a lot to travel, so having them do it more than once isn't really fair to you. Just as long as you're a good moh the day of the wedding, i'm sure the rest will all be ok. hope that helps. Oh and some offered to help me with things via the net, lie helping pick save the dates or certain designs. thats helped a bit for me
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