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Deleting now. Thank you so much.

Thanks everyone. You'll never know how thankful I am for your advice.

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Re: Deleting now. Thank you so much.

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    Tell her exactly what you just told us.  I think that's fair.  Don't try and attack her, but be firm at the same time.  Hopefully that will tame her a bit.

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    Try "assigning" her a few wedding things that you don't care about that you are completely okay with her taking over.  That way she'll focus on that and not on the other stuff yet still feel involved.  Worked like a dream with my MIL.
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    Honeslty, I would tell her how you feel. Something along the lines of "sis, I REALLY appreciate that you want to help, and you know I can't imagine getting married without you by my side, but I also know that FI and I want to do things certain ways. Comments about not liking our reception venue, for example, hurt my feelings, and even though you might like a certain look for bridesmaids, I really just wanted all of my friends - and you! - to have a dress they liked without making anyone feel like they had to get a specific style. I know you're just trying to help, so I don't want to upset you by saying this, but at the same time this is FI and my wedding, and we're happy with the ideas we have - we're not settling."

    If she's normal, which it sounds like she usually is, I think she'll be upset right off the bat, but if you phrase it right I think she'll understand where you're coming from and get that some of her comments haven't come across as she perhaps intended them to.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_needed-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f642b240-606b-4277-9077-61a261776778Post:27a66d64-2338-49e7-8995-5bb3137c834c">Re: Some help needed with my sister.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Try "assigning" her a few wedding things that you don't care about that you are completely okay with her taking over.  That way she'll focus on that and not on the other stuff yet still feel involved.  
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    I also also going to suggest this.

    Additionally, don't involve her with other activities with the BMs anymore. If you must, take your sister by herself to something, and go with the other BMs on another date.

    If your BMs didn't pay for the dress yet, I'd personally call them, apologize for your sister's behavior (and for letting her get away with it) and then tell them to pick any dress they want, like in your original plan.

    True, she may be bossy and pushy, but YOU also need to stand up for yourself and tell her no. You could've stood up to her at the salon and told her, "Sorry, but this is what I want, end of conversation."
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    Sorry you have to deal with this Licia. Her snippyness is most likely coming from how she wants her own wedding to be (yippie, something to look forward too). I probably would have gotten very snippy and bitchy back with her when she was insulting my friends. Now that you have had a few days to mellow just sit her down and tell her she needs to cool it with the insults and "your venue is crap" type of talk. Tell her that you are happy with the decisions that you have already made. Opinions on future decisions would be appreciated but please no more insults.

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    If your BMs haven't ordered yet, talk to them individually about thier dress choices.  If they know your sister and know she's not usually like this, they may choose different dresses when not put under pressure by her as a group.

    I wold just respond to the e-mails saying that you don't need help with anything right now but will let her know if you do, then see if she goes back to normal soon.  Or just give her a task you don't care about.  I'd also let her know that you are upset about her criticizing decisions like reception venue that don't relate to the comfort of your guests and putting pressure on your bridal party in terms of dress choice since that does effect their comfort level.  She's immediate family, so I don't think it's out of line to bring it up.
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    edited June 2010
    I know I need to talk to her about this because I'm just astounded at her behavior. And I do like the idea of "assigning" her stuff, because she is the type of person that being involved in any capacity is better than not being involved at all.

    And suz, thankfully, she's already married. I know she just wants to help. It has been a weird chain of events and rude behavior that's really hurting me.

    It really was uncharacteristic of her and I think that's why I felt so arrested by her behavior. If I could hit rewind back to Saturday and just say, "Relax, this is what we're doing. Drop it," I would. But I don't think I was strong enough when I tried to put things back on track.

    As far as the dresses go, they've been ordered. I talked to everyone individually afterward to make sure that we shouldn't cancel and go back a different time individually, and each person said the dress was great and they were more comfortable in the same dress than different, so I think a major bullet was dodged there thanks to similar preferences. As long as they're comfortable, that's all I really care about. 

    Ugh, I feel so silly for being so upset about this.
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    LD1970LD1970 member
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    You don't need to feel silly.  Being upset just shows that you've got feelings that were hurt and that you care about your friends, that's all.
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