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Wedding Party

In laws in bridal party?

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Re: In laws in bridal party?

  • Cm, here's a C&P of what I said on E a few weeks ago:

    In Response to Re: Wedding Party Seating:
    I have also never seen the WP seated with their dates. I have been in 2 weddings and have never sat with my FI thru dinner. I have also been a guest at my fair share of weddings and have not witnessed this. I think its fine, as grown adults I think they can manage to be away from their SO for an hour during dinner!
    Posted by mgietler76


    Ugh.  I loathe that logic.

    Of course as a grown adult your BP can manage to be away from their SOs.  As a grown adult I'm split from my husband for most of my waking hours.

    However:
    1) Why on earth should your WP who are quite often your closest guests be treated in such a way that they're actually treated WORST on a day that's about love and togetherness - particularly at the event that's FOR your guests?

    2) If as a grown adult a WP member can be split from his/her SO, then why aren't you volunteering as bride to be split from your husband at dinner?  Presumably you two have the rest of your lives to sit together.  Why not sit with your families or friends?  You're adults and can manage - right?

    3) Why should any portion of your wedding reception be something that you justify with, "they'll manage".  It smacks of knowing that you're doing something rude and that you just don't care.

    4) Your WP may be OK with this but what about their SOs?  I've been on the receiving end of being the SO not seated with the GM in the wedding party - and it was not fun.

    5) As stated above, the reception is FOR the guests.  The duty of your WP begins and ends with the ceremony. 

    6) Stop saying that "it's just for dinner".  Most weddings that I've attended have the WP split from their SOs for the ceremony - which is totally understandable.  Then the SOs are split for the entire duration of the cocktail hour while the WP takes photos.  THEN, if you split them from the WP during the meal, you're talking well over an hour.  I have yet to attend a reception where the time from when the bride and groom entered the room and the toasts began until the dance floor was open was just an hour.  So in the meantime, guests are still seated at their tables in their chairs eating amongst themselves.

    And for those who say, "that's how it's done" can you come up with a reason that it makes sense TO split your WP from their SOs?   I've been waiting to hear that reason since I joined TK.


    Do you need more reasons?   :-)
  • I will try that out. Also I am going to talk to my FFIL/ wedding planner and see if he can talk to him. I think with my wedding a sweetheart table is the way to go. We are only have 60 people invited so even if they all come 24 of them would be sitting with me and him at the head table. That is nuts to me. I think they should sit at tables close by. Would it be ok to make one table off to the side that is just the WP? Or should they be spread out amongst the tables?
    60 Invitedimage Attendingimage Declinedimage Not Repliedimage RSVP Date September 15, 2011 image
  • In Response to Re: In laws in bridal party?:
    [QUOTE]I will try that out. Also I am going to talk to my FFIL/ wedding planner and see if he can talk to him. I think with my wedding a sweetheart table is the way to go. We are only have 60 people invited so even if they all come 24 of them would be sitting with me and him at the head table. That is nuts to me. I think they should sit at tables close by. Would it be ok to make one table off to the side that is just the WP? Or should they be spread out amongst the tables?
    Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]
    It's really up to you.  I personally think they should sit with the people they know best and will get along with best.  If that's the rest of the WP, then great!  If not, then they should be scattered.  It's all about making sure they can enjoy the party, not about putting them on display like a zoo exhibit.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    In Response to Re: In laws in bridal party?:
    [QUOTE]I will try that out. Also I am going to talk to my FFIL/ wedding planner and see if he can talk to him. I think with my wedding a sweetheart table is the way to go. We are only have 60 people invited so even if they all come 24 of them would be sitting with me and him at the head table. That is nuts to me. I think they should sit at tables close by. Would it be ok to make one table off to the side that is just the WP? Or should they be spread out amongst the tables?
    Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]
    We did open seating (buffet dinner) and were so glad we did.  Plenty of people on here are against it but it really did work out well for us--we had seating for 150, we had 140 guests, no one was stuck in the corner alone or split up.  Believe me, we would have heard about it!
    We did a sweetheart table and reserved one of the dinner tables near the front for the WP.  All the BMs and GM sat there with their dates and other friends who weren't in the WP.  The BM and his wife sat with my ILs (BM was my BIL) and my sister (MOH) and her BF sat at another table with some friends and a couple cousins.  Basically everyone sat where they would have sat even if they hadn't been in the WP, which I think should be the goal.
    It worked out really well.  It was the only time DH and I got alone between the ceremony and the end of the night, the WP got to have fun with the people they enjoy, and we didn't lose any sleep over seating arrangements.
    I concede, open seating isn't always a workable option.  But in our case it really was a good move.
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  • I think its fine, as grown adults I think they can manage to be away from their SO for an hour during dinner!

    Why put people in a situation wher they have to "manage"?  Why not be nice and just let them sit with their SOs?  Especially since head tables are not traditional!  They came into vogue in the 80s--one generation ago.  So it's not like you're stomping on some time-honored tradition here.  

    You won't have any photos of the head table.  The videographer won't train a camera on you guys eating.  No one wants to watch you up there.  And you won't get to talk to them up there.  So why do it?  Because some magazine and a couple of fictional movies did it?  You'd really be rude to your family and best friends because of that?  Come on!
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • edited September 2010
    In Response to Re: In laws in bridal party?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In laws in bridal party? : Basically everyone sat where they would have sat even if they hadn't been in the WP, which I think should be the goal. It worked out really well.  It was the only time DH and I got alone between the ceremony and the end of the night, the WP got to have fun with the people they enjoy, and we didn't lose any sleep over seating arrangements.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]



    I completely agree with Brooke!

    Unlike Brooke, we had arranged seating with a sweetheart table for DH and me, which we loved because we *actually* got the chance to sit down together for ten minutes. And after asking for their preferences, we sat the WP where THEY wanted to sit, which made everyone happy.

    My logic is, yes it's your wedding, but think about setting up your guests (and BP members- your most honored of guests!) to have the most enjoyable time possible during your reception. Seating them with their families and friends will aid you in that endeavor.
  • you ladies have such great ideas. Okay maybe I am repeating myself but anyway I talked to my other future sis in law about being in my bridal party since I felt like I had to invite other wise it would have caused too many problems.

    I love your ideas of different seating arrangement for the wedding party however since we are having a head table with all the WP, I asked my sis in law where she would want her 4 young kids to sit. She said she was thinking of hiring a babysitter for the day at the reception and split the cost with my other sis in law who also has 4 kids. The other thing she mentioned was she wanted me to sit her at the end of the table with a high chair with my nephew. I'm not sure if I want that. Is it wrong to think that is not ok. I almost think its better to just spread the WP up just like you ladies mentioned so she can watch her kids. Like I said a head table is what would be expected at our wedding, I was thinking maybe I can have sweetheart table and just have MO and Best Man with us and then have another table for the wedding party either way my sis in law would probably want the baby to sit with her which I totally get but it isn't my preference or my FI....advice? 
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    I assure you that no one will miss the head table.  No one.  Since your WP has kids, you need to let them sit with their kids--that's what having small children is about.  So just skip the head table.  You'll be so glad you did.  I assure you, no one's monitoring the eating habits of the WP that closely.  It's one of those details no one but the bride really cares about come the wedding day.  ETA: Plus, the only people whose opinions should matter on the subject are those of the people who have to actually sit at the head table.  They may tell you to your face they're okay with whatever, but 99% of people don't want to be at a head table separated from their SO.

    Have a sweetheart table with just the two of you.  It'll be the only time you get with your FI all night.  And that's a promise.  

    ETA: And don't underestimate peoples' ability to change their minds.  My mom was against us having a sweetheart table and wanted us to have a head table.  But after I said, "Mom, the BM has a two year old, the MOH wants to sit with her BF, and the WP are all bringing dates.  I don't want to split them up and it's too many people to make it work up there."  So she said, "Yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way," and BOOM!  On board with the sweetheart table and is recommending it to all her friends who have kids.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Ditto babling brooke.

    If you really want to sit close to the WP, sit at a sweetheart table and seat the WP at tables near you.
  • hey ladies,

    I'm going to see what my wedding party's opinions are when it comes to the head table vs. sweet heart table. With all the valid explanation you ladies are giving I am seriously thinking of just having a sweet heart table so everyone can sit where their kids are and SO. I think I might just have them closer to me. 

    So my 2 sister in law have 4 kids each as I mentioned and then one of the husband is also a groomsmen. I was thinking of sitting them altogether at one table close by. Then the rest OF WP would be seated at another table close by with their SO (2 of the BM) so there would be 11. Is 10 ppl per table a max at a reception? 
  • It really depends on the size of the tables the venue has available, so check with them, they should have that info readily available.  I think 10 people is pretty standard but I would want to get it from the horse's mouth.

    FWIW I think your plan of seating them at two tables near the sweetheart table is a really good idea given the dynamics of your WP.  I think they'll appreciate it and you'll like it.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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