Wedding Party <3

louannholzer

My MOH is my best friend she is two and a half years younger then me (I am only twenty one) The other day we were sitting on the couch discussing going to the florist and bringing atleast a few of the vases that we intend to have the florist fill, well we are decorating these they are mason jars with lace burlap and then gingam ribbon, I don't expect much out of my girls just to show up for the basic crap and make sure they get their dress but this girl is my BEST FRIEND and my neighbor we were raised like sisters by our parents. The thing that is getting to me is she looked and me and said you can either get my creative support or emotional support you choose....uhhh that seemed a bit harsh (she is 18 and emotional so maybe its a faze?) but it hurt my feelings she is my best friend I need both I am not asking for much creative support I had a few bridesmaids offer to come over to decorate mason jars I was supplying pop and pizza and we'd just have a girls day for my bridesmaids to get to know eachother. So I looked at her and said I guess your creative support I have other bridesmaids that will give me both... but idk that just upset me then she told me what she was going to say in her speech, and again it seemed harsh she thinks my fiance is immature and gets annoyed of him easily and then also likes to say that all my ex boyfriends turned gay (one ended up being gay I dated him for a week when we were 14 but who cares I am glad he is now happy) but I haven't lived that down...idk I guess i just need comfort in this do I say something to her or do I leave it? is this normal idk...help! 

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:3f77ef2b-7a0a-4d22-8781-c0e8e4b5f7ed">Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is my best friend she is two and a half years younger then me (I am only twenty one) The other day we were sitting on the couch discussing going to the florist and bringing atleast a few of the vases that we intend to have the florist fill, well we are decorating these they are mason jars with lace burlap and then gingam ribbon, I don't expect much out of my girls just to show up for the basic crap and make sure they get their dress but this girl is my BEST FRIEND and my neighbor we were raised like sisters by our parents. The thing that is getting to me is she looked and me and said you can either get my creative support or emotional support you choose....uhhh that seemed a bit harsh (she is 18 and emotional so maybe its a faze?) but it hurt my feelings she is my best friend I need both I am not asking for much creative support I had a few bridesmaids offer to come over to decorate mason jars I was supplying pop and pizza and we'd just have a girls day for my bridesmaids to get to know eachother. So I looked at her and said I guess your creative support I have other bridesmaids that will give me both... but idk that just upset me then she told me what she was going to say in her speech, and again it seemed harsh she thinks my fiance is immature and gets annoyed of him easily and then also likes to say that all my ex boyfriends turned gay (one ended up being gay I dated him for a week when we were 14 but who cares I am glad he is now happy) but I haven't lived that down...idk I guess i just need comfort in this do I say something to her or do I leave it? is this normal idk...help! 
Posted by louannholzer[/QUOTE]

Please use punctuation when writing posts. That was like one long run-on sentence and very difficult to read and understand.

Well my first thought is if she has always said things like you turned ex-boyfriends gay or that she doesn't like your FI, you knew what you were getting into when asking her to be in your WP. She isn't going to change just because she's MOH. That sounds like a friend issue, not a WP issue.

What's the "basic crap" you're asking them to show up for? The ONLY thing the BMs have to show up for is the wedding. I hope you aren't expecting them to plan showers or parties or help with wedding projects.

Perhaps her creative vs. emotional comment was because you are expecting far too much of her? Make sure you are not just talking wedding around her and don't expect her to help you with all your wedding projects (don't expect that of the other girls either). If you need help planning your wedding, that is what your FI is for. If the girls offer to help, that's fine, but she obviously isn't really wanting to help, so don't make her.

louannholzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:ef681d5a-c028-4552-85c0-be6a3e9bb258">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Party <3 : Please use punctuation when writing posts. That was like one long run-on sentence and very difficult to read and understand. Well my first thought is if she has always said things like you turned ex-boyfriends gay or that she doesn't like your FI, you knew what you were getting into when asking her to be in your WP. She isn't going to change just because she's MOH. That sounds like a friend issue, not a WP issue. What's the "basic crap" you're asking them to show up for? The ONLY thing the BMs have to show up for is the wedding. I hope you aren't expecting them to plan showers or parties or help with wedding projects. Perhaps her creative vs. emotional comment was because you are expecting far too much of her? Make sure you are not just talking wedding around her and don't expect her to help you with all your wedding projects (don't expect that of the other girls either). If you need help planning your wedding, that is what your FI is for. If the girls offer to help, that's fine, but she obviously isn't really wanting to help, so don't make her.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>the basic crap I am referring to is showing up for a dress fitting to get her dress go to the rehearsal and go to the wedding nothing extreme we barely talk wedding bc I know in her eyes weddings are stupid she is young and honestly 3 years ago i never thought i'd be married. She is my best friend I know she likes my fiance enough she just has no filter (obviously not something I didn't know about) just didn't expect her to act the way she did. I had mentioned having all my BM over for pizza to meet eachother and she looked at me and made the emotion vs help comment I'd never expect anyone to plan my wedding or do anything besides me I am the one choosing to get married not them. </div>

louannholzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:a30dffed-0e0b-4c13-8700-a62dd8372251">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it sounds like you are a bit needy and insecure to be getting married. I am guessing her comment about one support or the other was saying "you can either have me tell you these vases look amazing, because you love them and I love you or you can get my honest opinion, which is that they aren't very cute and I'll volunteer the time to help you make them actually cute."  This to me is not a moment of emotional crisis.  My friends and I are regularly pretty open with each other about what we do or don't like and none of us feels like we need the other to emotionally support us in our taste on decorations. Also, if your 18 year old friend who you seem to think is immature, thinks your FI (who is presumably about your age) is immature that is also a red flag for me.  And "not living down" having a gay ex?  That's just silly.  My gay exes were AT my wedding and had MoH given a speech, I'm pretty sure there would have been a joke in there about it because we're all able to laugh about it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well first off I am very emotionally secure just trying to figure out how to handle a friend as I have never been in a position of getting married. She is openly honest and I appreciate it but the fact that she'd talk about my gay ex would cause issues with my relgious standing at my wedding. I am baptist and if anyone knows about baptist being gay isn't allowed. Trust me I do not believe this I was in a thespian group my whole life and theatre leads to lots of gay friends. I just feel like she really doesn't want to be my MOH but I don't know. We always said as kids we would be eachothers so who knows. Thanks for your input

</div>

Summer2011Bride

Honestly, the way you're portraying yourself on here (and also refusing to write with proper grammar and punctuation so we can READ what you're writing) doesn't make you come across as wise and knowledgeable, so I think criticizing her for acting "young" is a little hypocritical.

It could be she has no interest in doing the girl-bonding thing over pizza. Your BMs don't HAVE to know or meet each other prior to the wedding. If they are up for it, that's great, but it sounds like she isn't. Maybe she just isn't into that stuff.

If you had issues with her gay comments, you knew that before asking her to be in the WP is my point. And I really don't think she's going to run around at your reception talking about it.

Either way, you've asked her. You can't kick her out unless you want to end the friendship, so I don't have much more advice for you except to just focus on her as a friend if you are interested in improving your friendship and leave the wedding out of it.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:333fe894-3246-4e05-9a86-2e073e965f7c">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Party <3 : Well first off I am very emotionally secure just trying to figure out how to handle a friend as I have never been in a position of getting married. She is openly honest and I appreciate it but the fact that she'd talk about my gay ex would cause issues with my relgious standing at my wedding.<strong>I am baptist and if anyone knows about baptist being gay isn't allowed. </strong>Trust me I do not believe this I was in a thespian group my whole life and <strong>theatre leads to lots of gay friends</strong>. I just feel like she really doesn't want to be my MOH but I don't know. We always said as kids we would be eachothers so who knows. Thanks for your input
Posted by louannholzer[/QUOTE]

Ummmm....whaaatttt???  Really, I am at a loss for this one.

runpipparun

I'm just laughing over here. OP, you are ridiculous.

aragx6

And your wedding is more than a year away -- for god's sake stop overwhelming the girl with talk of centerpieces -- my wedding is in less than two months and I only just now finalized my centerpieces. You need to chill out with the wedding stuff.

And the gay stuff? Talk about beside the point!

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:3f77ef2b-7a0a-4d22-8781-c0e8e4b5f7ed">Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is my best friend she is <strong>two and a half years younger then me (I am only twenty one)</strong> The other day we were sitting on the couch <strong>discussing going to the florist and bringing atleast a few of the vases that we intend to have the florist fill, well we are decorating these they are mason jars with lace burlap and then gingam ribbon</strong>, I don't expect much out of my girls just to show up for the basic crap and make sure they get their dress but this girl is my BEST FRIEND and my neighbor we were raised like sisters by our parents. The thing that is getting to me is she looked and me and said you can either get my creative support or emotional support you choose....uhhh that seemed a bit harsh (<strong>she is 18 and emotional so maybe its a faze</strong>?) but it hurt my feelings she is my best friend I need both <strong>I am not asking for much creative support</strong> I had <strong>a few bridesmaids offer to come over to decorate mason jars I was supplying pop and pizza and we'd just have a girls day for my bridesmaids to get to know eachother.</strong> So I looked at her and said I guess your creative support I have other bridesmaids that will give me both... but idk that just upset me then she told me what she was going to say in her speech, and again it seemed harsh she thinks my fiance is immature and gets annoyed of him easily and then also likes to say that all my ex boyfriends turned gay (one ended up being gay <strong>I dated him for a week when we were 14</strong> but who cares I am glad he is now happy) but I haven't lived that down...idk I guess i just need comfort in this do I say something to her or do I leave it? is this normal idk...help! 
Posted by louannholzer[/QUOTE]

<div>Wowzers.</div><div>
</div><div>1) She's 18. She's not emotionally mature. You're 21. Your posts here demonstrate that you are not emotionally mature. You'll find that a LOT of women on these boards will not recommend marriage until the age of 25. Just sayin'.</div><div>2) You mention that you want to take jars to a florist, so you are asking more out of her than what's required.</div><div>3) You go on to discuss a "girls' day" to get your BMs to get to know one another, but it's really not considering that you are asking them to decorate mason jars and are bribing them with pizza and drinks. That's BM slave labor. I don't even want to do that for my OWN wedding, let alone someone else's. So don't act like this is some fun get-to-know-you activity for them.</div><div>4) This "ex" is not an ex. You dated him for a week, for pete's sake. Anyone who considers THAT an ex is still in junior high school, emotionally speaking. Bejeezus.</div>

aragx6

Your sig pic is cute but it's huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:333fe894-3246-4e05-9a86-2e073e965f7c">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Party <3 : Well first off I am very emotionally secure <strong>just trying to figure out how to handle a friend as I have never been in a position of getting married.</strong> She is openly honest and I appreciate it but the fact that she'd talk about my gay ex would cause issues with my relgious standing at my wedding. I am baptist and if anyone knows about baptist being gay isn't allowed. Trust me I do not believe this I was in a thespian group my whole life and theatre leads to lots of gay friends. I just feel like she really doesn't want to be my MOH but I don't know. We always said as kids we would be eachothers so who knows. Thanks for your input
Posted by louannholzer[/QUOTE]

This still sounds more like a friendship issue than a weddding issue, and you've had friends before.

As PPs mentioned, you don't need to have get togethers with all your bridesmaids to have them get to know each other.  Its nice that you have some ladies willing to help with projects, but your MOH does not need to participate.  It does sound like she isn't interested in wedding help, so she can just buy the dress and participate on the day of.

Even though your religion isn't gay friendly, that does not mean that you should face 'blame' or whatever for dating a gay person before he came out.  That's just ridiculous.  And I know plenty of baptist churches that do accept gay members.

louannholzer

After reading my post again I see how it was dramatic. My best friend upset me and that was it she does it all the time, I think we all have that friend that we love to death but they say stuff that you just don't get. I understand that many people don't think you should get married until twenty five but it's a personal decision my fiance is twenty four and we are very happy about our marriage. All my brides maids asked if we could get together it wasn't my idea I was planning to work on them at work every day once the kids went down for a nap (I am a nanny during the school year) but they offered why would I say no to help decorating over 400 mason jars? Then once they started asking what they could do I figured I'd make it more fun have pizza and invite whoever wanted to be there. 

louannholzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:c739b19f-626e-4af7-a842-177696b10081">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think asking them to help (or them volunteering and you deciding to make a day of it) is an issue.  But saying "well, I have other bridesmaids who will give me BOTH" makes it sound like you do resent her not participating, and you shouldn't.  Also, how many tables are you having to need more than 400 mason jars?  That sounds like a ginormous DIY project! Thanks for shrinking your siggy pic, btw.  Now that I can see all of it, it truly is adorable.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>yes 400 mason jars 5 per table twenty two tables and along the isle and ya a few other things yes crazy to say the least! 
<div>I can say honestly I am disapointed that not as close friends want to help but my best friend doesn't but thats something I'll get past. and Thanks, Thats one of my favorite pics but its hard to pick when the photographer took like 350 pictures haha. </div></div>

louannholzer

o and yes 400 mason Jars haha I am a bit crazy I know, I have 5 different size jars per table(about twenty two tables) then I want them lining the isles and in other locations some will have flowers some will have candles. I found them all in my basement I guess my late grandmother really liked to can! 

Summer2011Bride

Like I said, it's fine that your friends offered to get together and help with your project, but your previous posts really did make it seem like you were faulting or judging MOH for not wanting to participate. That's not everyone's thing. I personally hate crafts and the most "DIY" thing I've ever done is put together a photo album on Shutterfly. It definitely wouldn't be up my neck of the woods, but it doesn't mean I don't like you as a person or as a friend.

louannholzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:d10e269e-3513-434a-8cac-047d0f9981c3">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said, it's fine that your friends offered to get together and help with your project, but your previous posts really did make it seem like you were faulting or judging MOH for not wanting to participate. That's not everyone's thing. I personally hate crafts and the most "DIY" thing <strong>I've ever done is put together a photo album on Shutterfly.</strong> It definitely wouldn't be up my neck of the woods, but it doesn't mean I don't like you as a person or as a friend.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
 <div>hahaha this made me laugh SO hard! We actually own a crafting business together hahaha. I know she is crafty, I think she more or less just wants to give me as hard time since she thinks I am some how "leaving her" by getting married and moving. If she doesn't want to help she wont and it wont change how I feel about her, but just hope she comes around, I think we could have a lot of fun but if not then we will get past it. </div>

louannholzer

haha I more meant the fact that many gay people participate in theatre not that all of them are gay haha I was also in show choir (dancing and singing group) and there was only like 3 straight guys out of 9 guys just an observation not a judgement.

runpipparun

I mean, 400 mason jars is a lot of mason jars. And your wedding is over a year away. If it's me, then I'm thinking, "If I'm decorating mason jars now, how much more am I going to have to do?"

It just feels like you're jumping the gun on centerpieces, as someone else mentioned above.

louannholzer

I work around 90 hours a week during the school year, my thought is I want to get as many as I can now when I am only working about 18 hours a week and have extra time. 

lpowers1118

You shouldn't have picked your WP this early.
 
You seem way to immature to be getting married, I can't decide if it is your grammar/spelling or just how you put things b/c they sound childish. 

aragx6

You seem like a decent person and I think some of the latecomers to this thread (see above) are being a little harsh given your follow-up posts.

Just try to keep wedding talk to a minimum unless others bring it up, accept help when it's offered, and don't get upset when others have their own lives to handle.

Best of luck!

louannholzer

People will say what they want to say. Yes I am not a grammer master at ALL trust me my fiance is on me constantly about it. But saying I'm childish is a bit harsh. But everyone has their own and opinions so so be it. Thank you PPer for your kind words I am very exited for my wedding as is most of my WP (honestly I think all of them when they are in the right mood) 

again thanks for your input

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:84d3956a-9831-4d18-84f1-82ddd5d0ae7a">Re: Wedding Party <3</a>:
[QUOTE]People will say what they want to say. Yes I am not a grammer master at ALL trust me my fiance is on me constantly about it. But saying I'm childish is a bit harsh. But everyone has their own and opinions so so be it. Thank you PPer for your kind words I am very exited for my wedding as is most of my WP (honestly I think all of them when they are in the right mood)  again thanks for your input
Posted by louannholzer[/QUOTE]

<div>As long as you are excited about it, that's all that is required. No one else is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.</div><div>
</div><div>Just make sure that you don't plan too much DIY stuff for yourself to the point that you need to rely heavily on other people, because as other Knotties will point out, others in your life (your bridal party, your family, etc) have their own lives and cannot be counted on to help you. If you leave yourself a ton of crafting to do in the final months before the wedding and really, really need the help of a bunch of others, you will end up very stressed out, even if people promise now to help you out then. I only say this because brides <em>commonly, commonly</em> complain about this issue. "When I asked my BMs to be in the wedding, they were super excited and helpful. Now, two months before the wedding, they won't return calls!!" Just browse the boards for a little while.</div><div>
</div><div>Edited for clarity.</div>

louannholzer

I agree 100%,  that is why I am starting all my center pieces now. I don't want to be stressed a few months before, I want it all done so I can relax and enjoy the small things when I have to like cake tasting and such and noy be worried about having all these mason jars exactly how I want them.

JoanE2012

I'll be honest, I haven't read more than the first few posts because I felt like I was transported back to high school!

louannholzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-3-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f751bae9-b712-47a9-980d-1459fb3de73ePost:abea7239-bcaa-4f53-b9a1-c5f53014912e">Re:Wedding Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Wedding Party : Well, you should. OP seems quite nice and responded to our criticisms reasonably instead of freaking out or throwing a tantrum. She even said that rereading, she sees where it sounded overly dramatic. I for one am more than willing to chalk it up to a poor first impression that did not correctly characterize her.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks Doll. Yes I can see where I can be shown as young in my post due to my poor grammer and such but trust me it was NOT a good subject for me at all, but it by far should NOT judge my character. I try to take things people say this a grain of salt if I find it constructive I'll fix it if not I let it go. </div>

Summer2011Bride

I agree that you took the criticism really well and seem very nice, and I'm glad to have you posting on the boards.

I will say though, that one long run-on sentence is very difficult for people to read. It just is. It's confusing. I feel like it happened that way because you had a lot to say and got really into it. I've noticed you posting on many of the boards today and EVERY one of those posts that I've seen were written nothing like this and were very coherent and you used sentences and periods, so you CAN write better than maybe you give yourself credit for.  I'm just giving you a heads up that you will get better responses on the boards if you take time to break things in paragraphs and use sentences. A lot of posters will open a thread such as this, see it's one long run-on paragraph and not even read it. Whether right or wrong, that's what happens. So just a tip for posting on the boards; stick around!