Wedding Party

OOT Bridesmaids--who pays for what?

I have three bridesmaids and all are out of town.  We are all close friends, but have moved all over the country, so everyone is far enough away that they will need to travel and stay in a hotel.  Who pays for what?  This isn't a destination wedding, but based on distance, everyone will be flying and renting cars.  I'm I expected to pay for their flights? car rental? hotel?  I wasn't planning to, but don't want to be a bad bride or friend.  I've only asked that they come into town the evening before the wedding for the rehearsal, and I've told them that I don't expect any parties (bachelorette or showers) because I understand that logistically that's kind of ridiculous. 

In addition, they are all paying for their dresses, but I plan to pay for their hair and everyone is doing there own makeup. 

Re: OOT Bridesmaids--who pays for what?

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    I believe it is expected for the bride to provide at least accommodation for her BP if they are coming from out of town. I would talk individually with each BM and as if they need help getting to the wedding. Some may be able to pay for the air fare, and some may be struggling. 
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    I actually don't think its expected of you to pay any of that.  It's kind of a given that they'll need a place to stay etc so when they agree to be in your party, just as when your guests decide to come, the assume some travel costs.  If they are really having financial trouble then its something you should discuss individually and perhaps help out if you can, but so long as you are providing an affordable hotel as an option for them, I think that's fine. 

    I'm not sure if your wedding is in a home town where you all grew up and perhaps someone else in the party or a parent - still lives there - if so, you could perhaps offer for them to stay at that house the night before so they only need to get a room for the night of the wedding.  

    Also, don't forget that many people look at traveling to a wedding as a mini vacation!  Just talk to them individually if you sense any concern over the travel and associated costs.   
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    Thanks for the thoughts!   Balasj said what I have been thinking, "It's kind of a given that they'll need a place to stay etc so when they agree to be in your party, just as when your guests decide to come, the assume some travel costs."  I just really don't want to be out of line here.  Has anyone else heard that the bride provides the hotel for her BP? 
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    I've heard of the bride paying for hotel rooms for the BP, but I've also heard of the BMs just chipping in on a room together. I don't think you're necessarily expected to provide a specific amount, but if you're able to- I don't think it'll be denied :-)
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    You're not expected to pay for any of that, but believe me, your bridesmaids will be super appreciative if you can help with any of it. My FI was an OOT groomsman last year, and his buddy paid for his hotel room AND tux, but that's not necessary. I've been an OOT bridesmaid and I paid for everything... from travel, to hotel room, to dress, to hair and make-up. They shouldn't take for granted that you will pay for anything, since they agreed to be an OOT WP, but what you DO help them with will be appreciated and remembered (esp if you're ever in their WP. We're planning on returning the favor to my FI's friend at our wedding).
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    Since they would have to incur travel costs to get to your wedding whether they were in it or not, I think it's fine to expect them to cover those.  You can help them out by keeping the dress as cheap as possible, even up to just letting them wear any LBD they choose.  If you can set aside some money to help with their travel costs, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
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    I would just talk to them each in private (not in a group) and ask if they need help with anything. If they are having trouble with paying for anything, you could always help out if you are able, or re-adjust your requirements of them (finding a cheaper dress, telling them to skip the rehearsal, whatever works) to make it a bit easier on them.

    You're not required to pay for their hotel rooms, but it'd be nice of you to secure a block of discounted rooms. This should be free for you to do, and it doesn't take very long at all. If you are so inclined, you could research different hotels in your area and present them with a list of different places/prices to choose from. Also keep an eye on airfare rates and let them know if you see a discount (maybe check up on travel blogs and the Nest's Travel Board, and another example would be the Twitter sites for airlines ... I think JetBlue and Southwest regularly publicize their crazy deals).

    Maybe they'd like to chip in together and share a hotel room, like Saltz suggested. Or help hook them up with other girls if they ask for  help. For example, I had a single BM who needed to rent a room for the night. I also had a single female guest. The two girls knew each other a bit so they weren't total strangers, and the guest approached me and asked if I'd pitch the idea to the BM that they share a room. BM was all for it, so they split the room cost and both were happy.
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    Like PPs said, they'd have to pay for travel and hotels regardless of if they were in the WP if they wanted to attend the wedding, so I don't think you have to comp that stuff if you can't afford to.

    However, I agree with Aerin: try to keep the dress as cheap as possible. If you don't care about them being in identical dresses, just pick a color (Black is the easiest) and a length and let them do what they want. If you want identical dresses, try checking out places like JCrew, Ann Taylor or department stores, instead of going to bridal salons.

    Also remember, regardless of whether or not they had to travel, if you were going to require them to have things like pro hair/nails;make-up, or matching shoes/jewelry, those are things you should be paying for anyway. So if you're tight on money, aside from picking a shoe color (And maybe a material), just let them do whatever they want/feel they can afford for those things.

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    It is not required but do make sure you find the best deal on rooms and let them know where they can stay.  Every wedding I have been in that is out of town the bride just sent out an email saying that she had a block of rooms at this hotel (she provided their info too-phone number, address, link to website, etc) for $X and to please book by a certain day to be sure to get a room at that price. 

    However, talk to them and if any of them are struggling it would be nice of you to help out if you can.  If your bridesmaids are single and know each other maybe they could even share a room to cut down their costs. 
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    I agree that the OOT WP would travel and get a place to stay as a guest if their weren't in your WP.  So try to keep costs that are WP specific (dresses, etc) as low as possible. 
    Although it is a really nice gesture, it is not required.

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    I have this same situation and when you ask your BMs what they can afford,do NOT offer to pay for something you don't intend of keeping the promise of.

    One of my girls lives 10 hours away and instead of offering to pay for travel accommodations,I offered to pay for her dress. Instead,she turned around and said "no,you pay for my flight and I'll pay for the dress"-which would cost me almost double what I intended on paying.

    Now I've got to figure out the best and nicest way possible to tell her the flight is her cost and I'll cover the dress.

    I don't know about all of you girls but I just feel like if I pay for the flight,I'm almost paying her to come to my wedding,which is kinda weird.

    Just saying-before talking with them,already have in mind what you are and are not willing to pay for!

    Note-I am paying for her hotel room both nights just because it will already be at a discounted rate.

    Good luck!
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    I can't believe your BM turned down the dress...and then demanded that you pay for her flight!  AND that you are already paying for her hotel.  I wasn't planning to pay for any of my bridesmaids travel arrangements, but then wasn't sure if I was out of line, so I asked you all!  The dress we decided on together is in everyone's price range and I've told them they can do whatever they want for shoes and jewelry, and I plan to pay for their hair.  (They actually all said they would pay for their hair, but I'm surprising them with renting out a salon and catering lunch for the bridesmaids, sisters, and moms the day of the wedding!)  Everyone has been on board from the start and no one has said anything about not being able to cover their travel costs, but I just wasn't sure what was the traditional expectation! 
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