I need your advice..

Epiphany1031

Hello ladies.    I spend a lot of time lurking on this board and I love how honest you all are, so I need your opinion now on a big problem that I have.

I am the MOH for my best friend's wedding. She means the world to me and I would do anything for her. I have been planning her bridal shower along with her 6 other BM's. Her bridal shower is on the Thursday before her wedding. The joint bachelorette/bachelor party will be that Thursday night. The rehearsal dinner is the next day (Friday), and then the wedding is on Saturday. Everything is back-to-back because most of the guests are out-of-towners flying in from Maryland.

Now...for the past couple of years I have been in a job that I despise. It has really affected my overall quality of life. I just wasn't getting any personal satisfaction out of it anymore. My dissatisfaction was seeping over into other areas of my life as well. If you're unhappy for 8 hours a day, it's a lot of stress! I randomly applied for an amazing position at a different company that is in the field I have been dreaming about for a long time. I wasn't expecting a call back since I don't know much about the HR field. Well..  I got a call! I went to two interviews, and they went GREAT. Good news is.. I got the job!!!  I am so excited about this. Not only is it a great career move and a bright future for me, it is something that I want to do with my life. I am beyond ecstatic. I accepted their offer and I start in two weeks.

Here's the problem: I mentioned to my new employer about the two days off (Thursday and Friday) that I will need to take in August, and she said that though she understands it is important, there is just no way I can be absent on those days. The other account manager I would be working with has her vacation at that same time. They would be severely understaffed as each account manager is assigned specific clients, and it just isn't a good time, especially with me just coming on-board and learning the new role.

So now, I am extremely worried  because I have to tell my best friend I can't be there on Thursday and Friday. I'm concerned that she will be very upset with me, and rightfully so. I just don't feel like I have a choice though: would it really be okay for me to turn down a great career opportunity - my dream job! for two days?

So my questions are this: Am I being unreasonable? If it were you, would you take the job or stick with your MOH plans for Thursday and Friday? And if you would choose the job, how would you break it to your friend?

Thanks for the help. This is so difficult. I feel like I might lose my best friend (or at the very least make her upset with me). I know her wedding means so much to her as well as the pre-wedding activities.

Maggie0829

First, congratulations on your new job!!  I know first hand how much despising a job can cause unnecessary and unwanted stress in your life so it is great that you found something you can be passionate about again.

Second, you are not being unreasonable at all.  The first priority in your life is you and your happiness/career.  If this means that you are unable to make it to two pre-wedding parties then that is what it means.  If the bride is truly a great friend she should understand.  Yes, she will probably be upset that you won't be there (honestly, any friend would be) but she will get over it and realize that your new job is more important then a bridal shower or bach party.

I would definitely not turn down such an amazing opportunity for pre-wedding parties.  These parties are voluntary anyway.  The important thing is that you will be there on her wedding day.

I would let your friend know about your new job and that even though it kills you, you will be unable to make the two events prior to the wedding.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-need-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9cc8a8f-3b04-4408-a372-7c7fd3430bf5Post:c9595d71-cfbb-47e1-9479-e7c373438ee0">I need your advice..</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello ladies. :)   I spend a lot of time lurking on this board and I love how honest you all are, so I need your opinion now on a big problem that I have. I am the MOH for my best friend's wedding. She means the world to me and I would do anything for her. I have been planning her bridal shower along with her 6 other BM's. Her bridal shower is on the Thursday before her wedding. The joint bachelorette/bachelor party will be that Thursday night. The rehearsal dinner is the next day (Friday), and then the wedding is on Saturday. Everything is back-to-back because most of the guests are out-of-towners flying in from Maryland. Now...for the past couple of years I have been in a job that I despise. It has really affected my overall quality of life. I just wasn't getting any personal satisfaction out of it anymore. My dissatisfaction was seeping over into other areas of my life as well. If you're unhappy for 8 hours a day, it's a lot of stress! I randomly applied for an amazing position at a different company that is in the field I have been dreaming about for a long time. I wasn't expecting a call back since I don't know much about the HR field. Well..  I got a call! I went to two interviews, and they went GREAT. Good news is.. I got the job!!!  I am so excited about this. Not only is it a great career move and a bright future for me, it is something that I want to do with my life. I am beyond ecstatic. I accepted their offer and I start in two weeks. Here's the problem: I mentioned to my new employer about the two days off (Thursday and Friday) that I will need to take in August, and she said that though she understands it is important, there is just no way I can be absent on those days. The other account manager I would be working with has her vacation at that same time. They would be severely understaffed as each account manager is assigned specific clients, and it just isn't a good time, especially with me just coming on-board and learning the new role. So now, I am extremely worried  because I have to tell my best friend I can't be there on Thursday and Friday. I'm concerned that she will be very upset with me, <strong>and rightfully so</strong>. I just don't feel like I have a choice though: would it really be okay for me to turn down a great career opportunity - my dream job! for two days? So my questions are this: Am I being unreasonable? If it were you, would you take the job or stick with your MOH plans for Thursday and Friday? And if you would choose the job, how would you break it to your friend? Thanks for the help. This is so difficult. I feel like I might lose my best friend (or at the very least make her upset with me). I know her wedding means so much to her as well as the pre-wedding activities.
Posted by Epiphany1031[/QUOTE]

I disagree with this. She would have no right or reason to be upset with you. This is your career, a good friend will understand that and won't try to demand that her preparties (which aren't a requirement to attend) come first. If she flips on you, she's just not as good a friend as you thought.

FutureMrsSS

First off, congratulations on the new job!

I would not expect my MOH to change basically her whole life/career for a party which is pretty much what this boils down to. One of my BM couldn't make it to my bridal shower. I was sad for a minute but got over it.

From how you've written this it seems as if you've helped plan these activities, so its not as if you were completely uninvolved. I would tell her that you feel terrible, but with this new opportunity opening up you just won't be able to make it. Maybe you would be able to meet up later on Friday for the bachelorette party? I'm not sure what your schedule is like but maybe that would be a possibility so you are not completely missing out.

If she is a good friend although she may be upset she should be able to see past it and not have it affect your friendship. 

Epiphany1031

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-need-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9cc8a8f-3b04-4408-a372-7c7fd3430bf5Post:ab7e4469-712e-4a7c-b2d5-bf8e28ae7de1">Re: I need your advice..</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, congratulations on the new job! I would not expect my MOH to change basically her whole life/career for a party which is pretty much what this boils down to. One of my BM couldn't make it to my bridal shower. I was sad for a minute but got over it. From how you've written this it seems as if you've helped plan these activities, so its not as if you were completely uninvolved. I would tell her that you feel terrible, but with this new opportunity opening up you just won't be able to make it. <strong>Maybe you would be able to meet up later on Friday for the bachelorette party</strong>? I'm not sure what your schedule is like but maybe that would be a possibility so you are not completely missing out. If she is a good friend although she may be upset she should be able to see past it and not have it affect your friendship. 
Posted by FutureMrsSS[/QUOTE]

I was thinking of that actually! I live about an hour and a half away from her but I'd totally be willing to drive up after work, attend the bachelorette party, and then drive back home so I can get back to work on Friday. (I don't drink FYI, lol)  And then drive back up for the wedding. My husband thinks I'm out of my mind to do all of that driving, but it's worth it. :)

Epiphany1031

Thanks for the advice and for the congrats!  I will tell her this weekend.. she's coming down here to San Diego to visit. I hope this goes well!

Lethinagrl5

Yay, congrats! Since you and the bride are friends it wouldn't matter at all. at last you're not missing the wedding only the bachelorette party and rehearsal (they aren't that big of a deal anyway.) My MatronOH will probably not make it to my wedding, and my MOH, who is also supposed to do my make up, told me a few weeks ago that she may not be able to make it to the wedding (her son will be starting kindergarden at the time of wedding) but, if she can make it she may only be able to stay for the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned this earlier our wedding is in Hawaii. I told her she's CRAZY, the airline tickets are already pricey and for her to only enjoy Hawaii for one day, my wedding, NO! I'm 99% sure she's going to come up with a solution to the problem, she is my FI sister too. I'm sorry this became long. I'm 100% sure she will be very understanding and very happy for you so, you have nothing to worry about.

livelifelarge24

No good friend in their right mind would be upset with you over this! Yes, her wedding is a once in a lifetime event, but it sounds like your new job is too. A good friend would be elated for you! She has 6 other bridesmaids as well as family and friends that can all help with the last minute things she needs help with. You should let her know as soon as possible so that she can figure out how to redistribute any tasks she might have been counting on you for but other than that you are good. If she is anything but excited for you then it may be time to re-evaluate the friendship.

FutureMrsSS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-need-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9cc8a8f-3b04-4408-a372-7c7fd3430bf5Post:98bac33f-9086-4114-99b3-60c2bc5f8d12">Re: I need your advice..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need your advice.. : I was thinking of that actually! I live about an hour and a half away from her but I'd totally be willing to drive up after work, attend the bachelorette party, and then drive back home so I can get back to work on Friday. (I don't drink FYI, lol)  And then drive back up for the wedding. My husband thinks I'm out of my mind to do all of that driving, but it's worth it. :)
Posted by Epiphany1031[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh wow that is a lot of driving! I also hate driving haha but either way I'm sure she would appreciate it. Maybe you two can go out when she comes down as your own sort of celebration. I hope everything goes well.</div>