Wedding Party
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I had asked a friend of mine to be one of my bridesmaids. My MOH lives out of state, so it's kind of hard for her to help with planning (as she is planning her own wedding in August).

I have asked this Bm to help me with going to shops to buy things for the wedding, and to go look for bridesmaid dresses.... unfortunately, she doesn't have "the time" to go with me. I'm not asking her to sacrifice her time at all, but I would like to spend some quality time with her while we get things ready for my wedding.

Am I being too selfish, or is she not acting right about this? I've considered talking to her and asking her for her support, or if she even still wants to be in the wedding.

Re: Issues

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fa0340d1-0a1c-40b4-a9c3-5c984b7abfc5Post:e86408d8-6500-446d-a080-792a2955de82">Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had asked a friend of mine to be one of my bridesmaids. My MOH lives out of state, so it's kind of hard for her to help with planning (as she is planning her own wedding in August). I have asked this Bm to help me with going to shops to buy things for the wedding, and to go look for bridesmaid dresses.... unfortunately, she doesn't have "the time" to go with me. I'm not asking her to sacrifice her time at all, but I would like to spend some quality time with her while we get things ready for my wedding. Am I being too selfish, or is she not acting right about this? I've considered talking to her and asking her for her support, or if she even still wants to be in the wedding.
    Posted by RebelChk[/QUOTE]

    If you don't want to read an honest response, stop reading now.

    Yes, you're being too selfish.   Neither your MOH nor your BMs have to go to shops to buy things for YOUR wedding.  I'm not sure how you think that asking her to go with you to do "stuff" isn't asking her to sacrifice her time at all, because of course you are.  You're asking her to help with stuff for YOUR wedding.

    You plan your own wedding.  You go to shops with your FI to buy stuff for your wedding.  And if it's too much for you, you either scale back your wedding or you hire a professional to do it for you.

    Please remember, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are, and that doesn't make them bad friends, or bad WP members.

    Let go of the fantasy that WP is an acronym for Wedding Planners, and you'll be much, much happier, and probaby, so will your friends.

    Good luck to you
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    It is not at all unreasonable of you to want to spend some quality time with your friend, and it's not unreasonable for you to be bummed if she won't accept your invitations to go shopping together.

    It IS unreasonable of you to accuse her of being selfish, unsupportive of your marriage, or uninterested in you or your wedding because she doesn't want to go dress shopping with you. She may be genuinely busy, or she may just not have an interest in helping to plan someone else's wedding, even a very good friend's (not every girl enjoys weddings). Neither of those things is a crime, and certainly not worth asking her to drop out of the wedding party for.

    If all you want is to spend some time with her, then try asking her to do a non-wedding thing (movie, lunch, spa, golf, whatever you guys like to do together) and don't talk about the wedding during your outing, and see if that makes a difference. If she's her old self, it probably just means that she's not the person to go to when you want to make wedding plans. Chat on the Knot boards or find another wedding-loving friend to help you with those things. Or get your fiance to help, since it's his wedding too. And continue to hang out with this girl but don't make it about wedding stuff. Problem solved.

    If she STILL makes excuses to not hang out with you for non-wedding stuff, and this is a totally new behavior for her (meaning, if she was never the type to not make plans with you), then invite her out for coffee or call her and say, "I feel like something's bothering you ... would you like to talk about anything?" Don't do this over text/Facebook, and don't say anything about her role as a bridesmaid. Just be a concerned friend, and be quiet and listen to what she has to say. Then fix it from there.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fa0340d1-0a1c-40b4-a9c3-5c984b7abfc5Post:55c30c1f-6082-499d-9d2e-ebdf8b55b927">Re: Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I  You go to shops with your FI to buy stuff for your wedding.  And if it's too much for you, you either scale back your wedding or you hire a professional to do it for you. Please remember, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are, and that doesn't make them bad friends, or bad WP members. Let go of the fantasy that WP is an acronym for Wedding Planners, and you'll be much, much happier, and probaby, so will your friends. Good luck to you
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    <div>This^ I couldn't have said it any better than Trix. She doe's have a bad attitude. And she is not being a "bad bridesmaid"  or selfish. Your WP has a life and wont stop their life for you and your wedding. Like PP said take your FI and do it together. 
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Good Luck.</div>
    Holiday
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    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fa0340d1-0a1c-40b4-a9c3-5c984b7abfc5Post:55c30c1f-6082-499d-9d2e-ebdf8b55b927">Re: Issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Issues : If you don't want to read an honest response, stop reading now. Yes, you're being too selfish.   Neither your MOH nor your BMs have to go to shops to buy things for YOUR wedding.  I'm not sure how you think that asking her to go with you to do "stuff" isn't asking her to sacrifice her time at all, because of course you are.  You're asking her to help with stuff for YOUR wedding. <strong>You plan your own wedding.  You go to shops with your FI to buy stuff for your wedding.  And if it's too much for you, you either scale back your wedding or you hire a professional to do it for you. Please remember, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are, and that doesn't make them bad friends, or bad WP members. Let go of the fantasy that WP is an acronym for Wedding Planners, and you'll be much, much happier, and probaby, so will your friends. Good luck to you</strong>
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    It's not being unreasonable, but it's hard.
    your priority will be your wedding. your FI's priority will be your wedding.
    But the BMs... they have other priorities, and that's okay because it's not their wedding.
    My BMs try to keep me company when i go to michaels and whatnot, if they have tthe time, because i get to get some things done while we can catch up about life (I try to talk more about HER life, since she is there for MINE.. balance ;) )

    I think I actually have more friends that aren't in my wedding party that want to help me with DIY stuff, than my wedding party, but that's okay with me. Try to be open and work with them, because when it comes closer to the wedding, they are definitely going to be working around your schedule.
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    Those are not issues.  Your BM is not being a bad friend.  I'm not sure why you would even think of asking her if she still wants to be in the wedding.  She's done absolutely nothing wrong.  The world does not stop turning for ohter people just because you're getting married in a year,

    Good luck with your planning.

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