So, what if I've already asked them? (long)

sessionswedding

My wedding is next November (a year away), but I have been engaged since this past Valentine's Day.  I was planning on having a party or sleepover, etc. at my place in January for all of my girlfriends who I wanted to ask to be bridesmaids.  So I intended to ask them some time in January, around 9 months before the wedding.

About a month ago, I was having dinner with two of my closest girlfriends. My best friend (and now MOH) had known for a long time that she was going to be my MOH, and I had purposely mentioned it to her earlier than 9 months out because I'm getting married on her birthday and I wanted to make sure she was OK with that.  The other friend that was there was originally supposed to be in grad school during the time of my wedding - in another state.  I had originally decided not to ask her because I didn't want her making frequent 12-hour drives by herself for this shower and that fitting and this party, etc.  MOH knew this.  But the friend's plans changed and she is now going to school right here in our home town.  So apparently MOH mentioned that to the friend.  And the friend apparently really wanted to be in my wedding, because she asked me if she could be a bridesmaid.

I was really thrown by that, but I said sure.  (Which was a good decision, because already she has been the most involved and helpful bridesmaid ever, lol.)  So I figured it would be awkward to make her a BM with MOH sitting next to her without officially extending the offer to now-MOH to be my MOH.  And she said yes, and is actually honored that I'm getting married on her birthday, but that's another story, lol.

I had decided that since the whole "ask them all at once" thing was blown, I might as well ask them as I saw them and have a "formal" get-together to ask them later.  I have now "unofficially" asked 5 of my bridesmaids.  I only have one more to ask, and she is out of town until January, so I'll just wait and ask her when I have the "formal asking."

So what do you guys think?  Should I even bother asking them formally?  What about the one last friend who hasn't been asked informally yet?  Discuss.  ;-)

nda_roxybabe

I wouldn't ask them "formally", it seems pointless.

roaaoife

Do you need to ask them formally?  I doubt very seriously any of them will be upset if you don't.  Really, it's just kind of silly.

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ive-already-asked-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc18594d-1c4e-4169-9b91-06258693be85Post:8fb1503c-7769-4dba-9ab7-90fb731d2f41">Re: So, what if I've already asked them? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you need to ask them formally?  <strong>I doubt very seriously any of them will be upset if you don't.</strong>  Really, it's just kind of silly.
Posted by roaaoife[/QUOTE]
I kind of snickered a little to myself when I read that because I got this image in my head of my group of no-nonsense girls trying to be all frilly and formal while I handed them cards "officially" asking them.  It would be soooo awkward, lol.

Thanks guys, 10 second advice is the best.  :D

ETA:  @Roxy the quote in your signature made me laugh.

bablingbrooke

"Officially" vs. "unofficially" asking them is a really juvenile distinction.  You asked them.  You didn't make a big deal out of asking them; that's fine.  Appropriate, even.  You needn't turn EVERYTHING related to the wedding into a big production.

sessionswedding

So far we have a running joke about how they all came to be in my party.

1:  asked me
2:  kinda got asked in the bathroom...
3:  got asked while sitting on the couch watching CSI
4:  got asked while standing in her kitchen in her pajamas
5:  got asked while cleaning up dog pee out of her carpet...in her pajamas

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ive-already-asked-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc18594d-1c4e-4169-9b91-06258693be85Post:7554a269-0c76-4663-8fa6-0393c8798d7b">Re: So, what if I've already asked them? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]So far we have a running joke about how they all came to be in my party. 1:  asked me 2:  kinda got asked in the bathroom... 3:  got asked while sitting on the couch watching CSI 4:  got asked while standing in her kitchen in her pajamas 5:  got asked while cleaning up dog pee out of her carpet...in her pajamas
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]
This I like :)

sessionswedding

The 6th is doing the Disney College Program right now and will be in Orlando until January.  I've joked about texting her "will u b my bridesmaid?" but I don't think I'll get that crazy, lol.

i3rooke

I think informal is better. I mean, look at all the crazy memories you will have!  It seems like weird pajama moments might be the theme =].

artbyallie

You shouldn't ask them as a group, anyway. Individually is the only way to go. You don't want anyone to feel pressured.

aerinpegadrak

If anything resembling the words "Will you be my bridesmaid," "Will you be in my wedding," or "You're a bridesmaid," has left your mouth, you HAVE officially and formally asked them. 

trix1223

OP, it looks like you've taken the advice given to heart.  Hooray for you.

I just want to add:  for other brides who might be pondering the same question:  don't EVER ask everyone in a group.  If someone really can't accept the honor of being in the WP, you've put them into a terribly awkward position. 

If they say "Sorry, I can't" they've ruined the excited "squeeeee" moment.  If they say "yes, thanks" so as not to ruin the moment,  but have to renege later, hurt feelings happen. 

Consider this a PSA to brides (not the OP): 

Ask BM's individually. 

Asking someone to stand with you doesn't have to be a big, fancy, unique, manufactured moment to be meaningful.  It will be meaningful solely because of what you're asking. 

Don't assume that someone can't be in your WP because it's too far for them to drive; it's too expensive; they won't be able to help with wedding planning and/or execution.  Let them decide if they can or cannot do it.  Never assume for them.

Don't ask too early.  Relationships, even those you SWEAR will NEVER, EVER, EVER change, change.  There's no reason to ask too far in advance of your wedding, and scores of good reasons to wait.  I've yet to hear a bride come hear and say "Well, I waited until 8 months before my wedding to ask my WP, and I really regret it now."

GL.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ive-already-asked-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc18594d-1c4e-4169-9b91-06258693be85Post:8fb1503c-7769-4dba-9ab7-90fb731d2f41">Re: So, what if I've already asked them? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you need to ask them formally?  I doubt very seriously any of them will be upset if you don't.  Really, it's just kind of silly.
Posted by roaaoife[/QUOTE]

Ditto.  I honestly don't understand the need for asking more than once, unless you did not receive a reply the first time.  What am I missing??