Wedding Party

My brother is his best man, My MOH is???

My fiance has already asked my brother to be his best man, which I'm really happy about. But until this point, I wasn't sure I wanted to have a WP at all.

I don't have any sisters or a best friend, I'm not close to any of my cousins, my fiance doesn't have any relatives (he's the only child of only children). I can't think of anyone I would ask to be my MOH. My closest friend is really my brother's ex-girlfriend, who my father can't stand and who has a really awkward relationship with my brother (they broke up in January after seven years together), and, honestly, my affection for her isn't strong enough to want to overcome that. (I know that sounds cold; she is a dear friend, I just couldn't think of any other way to express it.)

I guess the best explanation, apart from having a small family, for the situation, is that I was in a really toxic relationship from my teens to my mid-twenties, and I didn't make many friends during that period, and then when I got out of that relationship I lost or got rid of most of my and my ex's mutual friends. That was several years ago. Then last year I moved back to my hometown, where I only know a handlful of people. I do have close friends who I would ask to be bridesmaids (or bridesmen- I'm really not limiting myself to female attendants), but no one to whom I'm excited about saying, "Will you be my MOH?"

How weird would it be if FI had a best man (but no groomsmen) and I had bridesmaids (but no MOH)?

I'm still in the preliminary planning stages, so I'm not freaking out yet or even to the point where I would ask anyone, but I am starting to feel like I need to make some close friends so that I can have a MOH, which seems really backwards.

These board seem to be full of ideas I'd never think of, so any help would be much appreciated.

Re: My brother is his best man, My MOH is???

  • edited August 2010
    It would be perfectly fine for your FI to just have a BM and for you to skip attendants altogether. (Are you close to your mom or an aunt at all? They could stand up for you if you want them to). But don't feel like you need to ask people only for the sake of having warm bodies up there with you.

    I had no MOH and 4 BMs but that was b/c those were 4 of my closest friends and I couldn't choose between them. Don't feel like you need to go make friends in order to have a WP - that's silly. The only things you NEED to get married are you and your FI, and officiant and potentially witnesses depending on the state you are marrying in (every state is different).

    A WP is by no means mandatory and neither are Best Men, Maids of Honor, GMs, BMs, or FGs or RBs. Those are all nice to haves - IF you have the close friends / family members you want to honor with those positions. if you don't, you don't. And it's okay to skip those if they don't make sense for your situation.

    If you think it would make you feel awkward to stand up there with your FI and no attendants on your side, your brother could sit in the front row for the ceremony and it could be just you and your FI up at the front as you exchange your vows.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
  • How weird would it be if FI had a best man (but no groomsmen) and I had bridesmaids (but no MOH)?


    Not weird at all.
    image
  • It wouldn't be weird for you to have just BM or even no wedding party at all, regardless of your FI's attendants.
  • Not weird.  If you're also close to your brother, maybe he could be both man of honor and the best man?
  • What roma said.  Give your brother double duty as overall best person.  If your state requires 2 people to witness the marriage license just grab an adult who was there. 
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  • It would not be weird at all. However you mentioned that you have close friends... because your wedding is almost 2 years away, it is wise to wait to decide your WP for at least another year, friendships change, and you never know, you may make a new friend you want to include or you may become extremely close to one of your close friends and want to have him/her be your MOH.
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  • That's certainly true, mandi- although I should say, the Knot made me pick a date, and the one that I picked is probably not when we'll end up getting married- it will probably be next spring.
  • Kathryn, if your bio is correct, your wedding is in two years.  When you choose a WP, about 15 months from now, you might just have an entirely different perspective on having people stand up with you.

    There's no reason to choose a WP 2 years before your wedding.  And clearly, there are many good reasons to wait.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • My brother as SIL both wanted me in their wedding, but my SIL thought if I was in the wedding her brother should be also.  My brother isn't a big fan of her brother, so they asked me to stand up for my brother and her brother stood up for her.  Maybe your brother can stand up for you (if you're close) and you FI can ask another friend to be his BM. 
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