June 2012 Weddings

MOH/Sister Stressing Me Out BIG TIME!!!! Advice Pls

I asked my two sisters to be my matrons of honor. They both agreed. I've had my dress since September but agonized till February picking my bridal party dresses. I am a plus sized bride and my older sister is larger than me. Realizing how uncomfortable she is with her body made me more determined to find the perfect dress to fit both her and my baby sis (a size 8). I finally found a cut that flatters all sizes. I go with baby sis to the store to try on and order the dress. The first words out her mouth when she opened the door to the dressing room was "OMG this is so ugly, I hate this thing. Its horrible." I was devastated. I got home and cried to my fiance. Since then she has told me its not too late to change my mind about the dress. I happen to love my choice and I know they are going to look beautiful. I'm not the kind of bride to want my girls looking horrible... seriously what good would that do me? I'm paying tons of money for ugly pics...no way. My mother called me a little while ago to inform me that my sis plans on changing after the main pictures into something else. My first instinct is no way!!! My photographer is going to be taking pics all night and even in candids I want my wedding party to be noticable. I'm a complete wreck after crying and I don't know how to address her. I'm ready to give her the option of reimbursing her dress expenses and letting her just be a guest. Any advice???
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Re: MOH/Sister Stressing Me Out BIG TIME!!!! Advice Pls

  • This is tough. I would not unask her to be a MOH, that's really not good. Tell her that it is the dress and that's what you chose. If she really wants to be in your wedding, she will suck it up. Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her?

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  • Someone's sounding a little bratty and I would kindly remind her that at any other wedding she wouldn't feel the need to change after the ceremony.

    I would also give her a fabric swatch with the color and fabric that you expect her to wear and the length that you expect the dress will be on the day. Don't allow her to railroad you like that - I've been there and it's unnecessarily stressful.

    I hope that you can resolve this, but if you set those parameters and give her a deadline, she should be a responsible enough adult to take care of the rest on her own. If she doesn't well she has taken herself out.

    I really am sorry you have to deal with this - the truth is when WP members behave this way, we're not allowed to kick them out or we have stepped into Bridezilla territory. If they decide to drop out, we're supposed to be understanding. Fine. We shouldn't have to deal with this drama too. I'm sorry I sound so bitch-tastic about it but I just went through the exact same thing and my blood pressure only went down after it was resolved. So inane.

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  • Wow she is being a b*tch!! She needs to realize this is YOUR wedding and YOUR day not hers. I hope it works out! As annoying as this is, I wouldnt make her a guest unless she says she wants to... Definitely tell her how much it would hurt you if she changed and wasnt associated as being part of your bridal party for the rest of the night. GL!
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  • I agree that sounds bratty; one of the big sayings around here is the only responsibility a bridesmaid/MOH is required to fulfill is to get the dress and show up.  I am sorry this is causing you stress!  I would have a talk with her and remind her that you did your best to pick out the dress with her in mind, and that you're sorry she doesn't like it but she is only required to wear it for the duration of your wedding.  Explain that for her to want to change out of it ASAP leaves you feeling disrespected, and that you wish she would talk to you about this first.

    However, ultimately you cannot control her behavior.  While you may not want her to, if she wants to change into, I don't know, sweatpants and a wifebeater for the last half of your reception, you really can't do anything about it. 
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  • She's being a brat and changing the dress isn't an option. I would probably wait a couple weeks for each of you to calm down, then revisit the conversation. Let her know that you really love your pick, you're sorry she's less than enthusiastic, but it would really mean a lot to you if she stayed in the dress the whole night. 

    However at the end of the day, is it really the end of the world if she changes for the reception? Is it the sort of thing that you are going to be mad about 5 years down the line? If she keeps pushing it, I would just let it go. Maybe the day of she won't have time to go and get changed..
  • I agree that she is being selfish, this is your big day and it is a huge expense. She accepted the responsibility of being a MOH and one of the biggest expectations of that role is to help make the brides life easier so if she isn't up to the challange than maybe she should reconsider her place in the wedding party. So sorry to hear you are going throught that, I would be horrified if my sister did that. She should be supporting you bridesmaid or not she is your sister!
  • Thanks ladies! Smile

    I've decided to give myself a bit of time to calm down because I don't want to speak before thinking. I am going to address this with her and let her know that I already know how she feels about the dress and I would appreciate it if she just dealt with it for the seven or so hours from ceremony to the end of the reception. She knows she hurt my feelings the first time around and its obvious she doesn't care enough to just keep her opinion to herself for my sake.

    At the end of the day, my fiance and I are shelling out every single dollar for the wedding of our dreams and with or without her, I am going to enjoy every moment!

    I will keep you posted with her reaction after we speak.
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