FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR

doeie04

FILs have been wanting grandchildren for a few years now. FBIL and FSIL finally were able to have a baby (she lost a couple) and we were all excited. Well, he is 3 months old now, and I think she is getting to the point of obsessive. I have no other major issues with FMIL but I can see this being one when we have kids.

It didn't hit me until the other night when we were out to dinner with FIs family because one of his (Ungreatful) aunts were in town. Well FFIL wanted to hold Brent for a little while so FBIL passed him across the table and FMIL snatched him and proceeded to hog him for about 15 minutes until FBIL said she should share him with others that haven't met him yet (meaning the aunt, not FFIL) It was pretty bad that she had to be told to share. I was shocked and almost said something before FBIL did.

It is pretty bad. She was in the middle of telling me something and stopped right in the middle to say something to Brent or freak out (meaning sharp intake of breath and reaches out to catch him.) because FBIL let him stand on the table and he was slipping. (Like he would drop his son on the table...) Just things like that. It is kind of worrying me a little. She is very posessive and I think it may be on the extreme side.

Ash61612

I would hate if this happens to you but if it does, this is a conversation FI/DH would need to have with his mom. What does he think about her actions?

kaitlyn142

Hahahaha. You have fun with that.

My FMIL has made it very clear she expects us to move in with them when I get preggers. There are so very many reasons why that will never happen.

doeie04

Ash- FI wasn't there. He had to work late. I told him about it and he thought it was kinda odd. (FBIL told her to just calm down a few times. haha)
I have no problem telling her she has to share. We have a pretty open relationship. I just don't want to deal with it if I don't have to. FBIL was talking about taking Brent running the next day and she was worried he would freeze.... haha. He said babies aren't that fragile! Plus, he isn't going to go out without him being bundled up like he should be!

Kaitlyn- That sounds horrible! They want to move closer to their kids and that is fine with me. (Not move in with them though. :S) They know they have to call before they come over. I hate it when people show up randomly. I am the person that never answers their door. haha.

kaitlyn142

That's good you trained your FIL's to call before coming over. I know mine wouldn't, which is part of why I made it a rule with FI that we can never live closer than 2 hours from his parents. I really preferred when we lived across country from them. The 5 hours away we live now is still a bit close for comfort.

CvilleClaire

I would make sure that you start to get boundaries with little things now so that she is used to by the time there's a baby in the picture.

On the Bee today, some girls were talking about MILs barging into their birthing suites during or just after labor!  Can you imagine?!?!  Set the boundaries now!

sweet_melissa81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fmil-kind-of-vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:faa546c0-5bb8-45f5-a60a-90c58f58d2cdPost:039aad47-ecd3-4964-a493-3383f24eb1a2">Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]I would make sure that you start to get boundaries with little things now so that she is used to by the time there's a baby in the picture. On the Bee today, some girls were talking about MILs barging into their birthing suites during or just after labor!  Can you imagine?!?!  Set the boundaries now!
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

I have made this more than abundantly clear to my fiance! I could totally see his mom wanting to be in the room when our first child is being born and that is NOT going to happen! She has two boys, so she will probably want to, but it is NOT going to happen! I don't even think I would want my own mom in there, but she would be the only other person I would even consider being in there outside the nurses, doctors, and my fiance. They can wait in the lobby or something, but they can't be in there during the birthing or for long periods of time when they come into see how dialted I am etc.

I don't know your FMIL, but when a child repeatedly has tried to conceive and you've seen them suffer with infertility issues and miscariages it makes things ten times more emotional. I think she will calm down a bit as he gets a little older. You said he is only 3 months right? That is still very little!

melntaitt

That's nuts! I can't wait to have kids, don't get me wrong, but a real true blue conversation about their boundaries and involvement would have to happen before any baby comes along.

My FMIL is a very wonderful person but I can sense her and my mom beginning to sniff the air for pregnancy hormones already.

Good luck though!

DrPB2b13

Wow, that is CRAZY.  I'm grateful FI is the youngest (by a LOT) and at the time we're married he's going to have 7 nieces and nephews; the in-laws won't be begging for kids anytime soon, and his SIL who is already nutso is having the most recent one, so I can see her being jealous of the next baby in the family (she's.....interesting).

My mom might, though, you never know....

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fmil-kind-of-vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:faa546c0-5bb8-45f5-a60a-90c58f58d2cdPost:039aad47-ecd3-4964-a493-3383f24eb1a2">Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]I would make sure that you start to get boundaries with little things now so that she is used to by the time there's a baby in the picture. On the Bee today, some girls were talking about MILs barging into their birthing suites during or just after labor!  Can you imagine?!?!  Set the boundaries now!
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

Pretty sure I would be pisssed if someone did that unexpected! We want to do a homebirth if I am healthy enough to. (Never know how things are going to go!) I am pretty sure I would like our moms there. They both want to be, but we will see.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fmil-kind-of-vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:faa546c0-5bb8-45f5-a60a-90c58f58d2cdPost:62cd1d7a-1b26-4d9d-b32d-af16e729ddaf">Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR : I have made this more than abundantly clear to my fiance! I could totally see his mom wanting to be in the room when our first child is being born and that is NOT going to happen! She has two boys, so she will probably want to, but it is NOT going to happen! I don't even think I would want my own mom in there, but she would be the only other person I would even consider being in there outside the nurses, doctors, and my fiance. They can wait in the lobby or something, but they can't be in there during the birthing or for long periods of time when they come into see how dialted I am etc. I don't know your FMIL, but <strong>when a child repeatedly has tried to conceive and you've seen them suffer with infertility issues and miscariages it makes things ten times more emotional. I think she will calm down a bit as he gets a little older. You said he is only 3 months right? That is still very little!</strong>
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

Yeah, he is still very new and exciting, even for me. I share though! haha I have to say I am really glad that FSIL had a baby before we did. She is the SIL that really doesn't like me because she is jealous of... who knows. I am happy they have a healthy baby and that they had one before us so it doesn't give her one more reason to hate me.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fmil-kind-of-vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:faa546c0-5bb8-45f5-a60a-90c58f58d2cdPost:534b7f67-5b87-4573-b9e8-ce2dc9e15b93">Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]That's nuts! I can't wait to have kids, don't get me wrong, but a real true blue conversation about their boundaries and involvement would have to happen before any baby comes along. My FMIL is a very wonderful person but <strong>I can sense her and my mom beginning to sniff the air for pregnancy hormones already.</strong> Good luck though!
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

Hahaha. That was a great line! My mom has been telling me to poke holes in the condoms for over a year. haha. I told her that wasn't honest and she said she would do it! She is such a dork! :P

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fmil-kind-of-vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:faa546c0-5bb8-45f5-a60a-90c58f58d2cdPost:184f57b9-4842-4ad4-8e61-300117e6e3e7">Re: FMIL (kind of a vent) NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, that is CRAZY.  I'm grateful FI is the youngest (by a LOT) and at the time we're married he's going to have 7 nieces and nephews; the in-laws won't be begging for kids anytime soon, and his SIL who is already nutso is having the most recent one, so I can see her being jealous of the next baby in the family (she's.....interesting). My mom might, though, you never know....
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

I'm hoping that the newness wears off by the time we have our first. But then I kind of don't.

I have a selfish confession: FSIL and Chad's cousin have decided to try and get knocked up this summer. Yep, right around when we will be trying. I am kind of miffed because I have been waiting for so long (4 years) and our baby will have to share the excitement with, possibly, two others. I feel really weird because I don't get jealous very much, and not about life plans (who plans life around others?) but for some reason this upsets me. :(

Kfudge0714

I say all the time that I am going to have to fight my FIL's to be able to hold my own child! His family always goes to the hospital right after any new babies are born (FIL's don't have any grandchildren yet so the new babies are their nieces kids) so I can only imagine how they are going to be when we finally have a child! I have already told FI he is the only one allowed in the room and that I would like some alone time before we have ANY visitors... My family is the opposite they won't go until the next day or so!

chelseamb11

My FMIL was EXACTLY like that when her first grandchild is born.  As soon as her son and DIL walked in the house with the baby, she'd literally JUMP out of her chair and RUN to the door.  She hogged the crap out of him at his baptism party even though there were people there that only see him a few times a year.  She sees him a few times a week because they just live down the road from FBIL and his wife.

Well he's almost a year now.  She has majorly calmed down.  I'd just give it some time, but definitely set the boundaries for you and FI right away.  You have every right to tell her to calm down when you have kids if she acts like this.  FBIL finally told FMIL to calm down.  She didn't take it well, but it helped.