Is it hormones or a change of heart?

Sarah0335

The post about how long people are waiting to have kids got me thinking about this.

My entire life I have always felt like I didn't want kids.  I love kids, but have always been very analytical with my life choices.  I did not want to give up my independence and other things that come along with having kids. 

Recently, I keep on thinking about having them.  I have no idea what is triggering it!  If it is just hormones than I don't want to make a decision based on that.  I love my job, but travel out of state a lot (1-2 weeks a month).  I love traveling for fun too and have expensive hobbies.  I really don't think my life is designed for kids.

I feel like these feeling recently are just confusing the heck out of me!  I don't know what to think anymore.  (sorry for the vent.  kind of needed to get that off my chest)


I also want to add, I don't think there is anything wrong with having lots of kids.  I am not saying you have to give up things in life as much as change the style of your life.  I don't want this post to upset anyone by any means.

kelsey+brandon

I think if you want to have kids, you can work them into your lifestyle, no matter what that is. It just takes a little more planning to do somethings. How does your FI feel? I definitely think it's at least a conversation to have.

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hormones-change-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:fbd2b9d8-9e4c-41dc-b763-2130165188c4Post:573d5178-3bdd-485f-a121-4a9ee75b31a6">Re: Is it hormones or a change of heart?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you want to have kids, you can work them into your lifestyle, no matter what that is. It just takes a little more planning to do somethings. How does your FI feel? I definitely think it's at least a conversation to have.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this.

maelic

Hormones can prompt a change of heart.

It doesn't really matter what makes you want kids, though, as long as you sit down and talk it through with your FI. It will be your family, with kids or without, and you need to be on the same page. If you now want kids, great, if you realize you still don'[t, also great. Sit down with your FI and together picture how you want your life to look like in 5 years. Then picture how you want it to look like in 10. Then 20. Traveling doesn't have to stop just because kids come along, expensive hobbies won't always be practical even without kids, for example. Talk it through, see if you can figure out what prompted you to want kids now ("Mary has a a baby now and she can still do A, B, C" or, "I've met John's child and he's a sweetheart and it melted my heart" or "Maggie has two and she tells me funny stories about them and I want that too" or whatever). It can be hormones. But just because it's hormones it doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

gregamywedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hormones-change-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:fbd2b9d8-9e4c-41dc-b763-2130165188c4Post:573d5178-3bdd-485f-a121-4a9ee75b31a6">Re: Is it hormones or a change of heart?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you want to have kids, you can work them into your lifestyle, no matter what that is. It just takes a little more planning to do somethings. How does your FI feel? I definitely think it's at least a conversation to have.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

Agree.

Zimsgirl

If you're having a change of heart definitely talk to FI. You have plenty of time to figure it out 

Sarah0335

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hormones-change-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:fbd2b9d8-9e4c-41dc-b763-2130165188c4Post:0c083cd6-4fa0-4e68-9724-06c9c95d4430">Re: Is it hormones or a change of heart?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're having a change of heart definitely talk to FI. You have plenty of time to figure it out 
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

FI and I have talked about how I did not want them in the past.  He kind of did, but has now accepted that we probably won't.  I feel like when I bring it up now, he thinks it is just a temporary feeling and not something that is going to stick because I was so adament about not wanting them before.

As much as I think you can make a lot of things work with kids, I really don't think I could do my job.  If I had a standard office job, that would be fine.  I just can't imagine literally missing HALF of their growing up because I am in a random hotel somewhere for work.  Even if we could make it work, I don't know if I would want to raise my kids that way.

I feel somewhat of a time crunch to decide too.  FI is currently 35 and I know thathe doesn't want to becoming a father for the first time when he is in his 40s.  I know it isn't that big of a deal, but it is something I think about.

afmilner

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hormones-change-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:fbd2b9d8-9e4c-41dc-b763-2130165188c4Post:649b9672-446d-4325-9e10-21683c1bbe03">Re: Is it hormones or a change of heart?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hormones can prompt a change of heart. It doesn't really matter what makes you want kids, though, as long as you sit down and talk it through with your FI. It will be your family, with kids or without, and you need to be on the same page. If you now want kids, great, if you realize you still don'[t, also great. Sit down with your FI and together picture how you want your life to look like in 5 years. Then picture how you want it to look like in 10. Then 20. Traveling doesn't have to stop just because kids come along, expensive hobbies won't always be practical even without kids, for example. Talk it through, see if you can figure out what prompted you to want kids now ("Mary has a a baby now and she can still do A, B, C" or, "I've met John's child and he's a sweetheart and it melted my heart" or "Maggie has two and she tells me funny stories about them and I want that too" or whatever). It can be hormones. But just because it's hormones it doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
Posted by maelic[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Very well said. </div>

diamondx423

My FBIL and his wife (aka FSIL) didn't want kids. He works for the NY Daily News so its odd hours, and she's works for a pharmaceutical company so its quite demanding. They never really see eachother but took amazing month long vacations each year.

They just had my future niece this summer. And are planning on trying for another. He's 37 now and shes 36. Anything can happen. Changes of heart happen.

kaitlyn142

I have been feeling the exact same way. Up until the past year, I have been adament that there would be no baby making. I love having a career outside the house, and I wouldn't feel right having a child just to have them in day care all the time. Those crazy hormones, though...

jesslz

I know when I turned 26 I started having baby fever.  I think it is somewhat built into our DNA, but you really have to consider if you want to do it for the right reasons.  Having a child is a big committment!

TeamMoriarty

i feel you on the age crunch thing, but i do think you have a little bit of time still.  since the wedding isn't for another 6 months anyways, can you assess how you're feeling a year from now?  if you're still having these feelings, you may want to have that conversation. 

sanfranciscoeve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hormones-change-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:fbd2b9d8-9e4c-41dc-b763-2130165188c4Post:649b9672-446d-4325-9e10-21683c1bbe03">Re: Is it hormones or a change of heart?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hormones can prompt a change of heart. It doesn't really matter what makes you want kids, though, as long as you sit down and talk it through with your FI. It will be your family, with kids or without, and you need to be on the same page. If you now want kids, great, if you realize you still don'[t, also great. Sit down with your FI and together picture how you want your life to look like in 5 years. Then picture how you want it to look like in 10. Then 20. Traveling doesn't have to stop just because kids come along, expensive hobbies won't always be practical even without kids, for example. Talk it through, see if you can figure out what prompted you to want kids now ("Mary has a a baby now and she can still do A, B, C" or, "I've met John's child and he's a sweetheart and it melted my heart" or "Maggie has two and she tells me funny stories about them and I want that too" or whatever). It can be hormones. But just because it's hormones it doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
Posted by maelic[/QUOTE]

Totally agree.