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African American Weddings

VENT groomsman issue

Ok one of FI's groomsmen (we'll call him IT) and I really do not click. In fact IT doesn't click with any of his other groomsmen either.  I have never had words with him face to face, but he is always telling my FI stuff like 'you r silly to be getting married so young' (he is 25). and 'you don't need to be moving out there to be with her' and he's always asking him 'you SURE about this?'ok i say always but really the fact that he's even said it once gets to me...why cant you just let your man be happy? i could understand if i ever did him wrong and he had reason not to like me - but come on now.  i honestly don't even know why my FI would let me know all of this stuff cuz he knows how i am.so i haven't said anything about him being in the bridal party, but i really don't want to look back on my wedding and have him in my pictures.  Am I wrong for giving him some other 'job' to do while we take pictures?? he is the last thing i want to see when i look at pics from my wedding day! My best friend laughed at me but ummmm I'm really kinda serious...Arent ur groomsmen supposed to support you?? he doesnt support this marriage so why is he even in the bridal party?? And the other groomsmen do not get along with IT so if there are any issues he gots to go... Just had to get that off my chest...maybe I won't care by May but right now it's really irritating me that FI even wants him up there knowing what he has said...

Re: VENT groomsman issue

  • adgenyaadgenya member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow, what he is doing is just rude. but like you said, by may it might not even be an issue.  i could see why you don't want him in the wedding party. have you told your FI your feelings? what does your FI say when IT says that kind of stuff?
  • MrsJJohnson2BMrsJJohnson2B member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Whoa! Have you talked to Fi about him? Does FI feel that he is playing around? Its a tough call: He is being very negative and I feel with not allow him to be in the wedding. I think you should talke to FI
    Anniversary
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  • ddyoungddyoung member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI has told him before that he needs to get his priorities straight and that as long as he is trying to be a pimp playa or whatever he will never kno happiness and never feel satisified...I know that he has told him this on one occasion i don't know what his response has been lately...he has told him that I am the one he lives for and that he doesnt have to ever worry about me leaving him...that when IT knows love he will know how he feels... FI sent a letter to all his 'boys' before we got engaged letting them know he was going to propose and how he knew i was the one (of course i didnt see it till after) and even called him out in that letter (it really was a beautiful letter if anyone wants to read it i share it with everyone lol)i have talked to my FI but i have mainly been dropping hints. i dont want to tell him flat out that I don't want him in the wedding party. I dont want him to get the feeling that its MY day and not OUR day...he has been really good about being involved in the planning and making decisions and I don't want him to resent the fact that I made him not let IT in the wedding party...i kinda want him to come to that decision on his own lol. He could be an usher? But I don't even want to make that decision like I said I want it to be FIs.. i have almost 10 months to make him come to that realization 'on his own'!
  • edited December 2011
    Wow girl, yeah that is kind of unfortunate and it is pretty messed up with how some people can be..why not just be supportive. But as always this is when ppl's true feelings come out.   Now playing devils advocate, I know that you have your ill feelings for him, but FI apparantely feels that that is his "boy" so that decision should be on him whether or not he is in the bridal party.  He may not support the marriage and is just agreeing to be in the party because he wants to support his friend..as strange as that sounds.  Like you said you probably wont care by May.  Just keep your distance from IT and let FI deal with him..the LAST thing you need is for you and FI to get into over him, so not worth it..GL..we're here if you need to vent somemore
  • ddyoungddyoung member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ahhh that is so true. its definitely not worth it.i'm takin him to the altar sunday. IT has til new years to get his act together lol. then ill re-evaluate and hopefully i wont have another vent as the wedding day gets closer... until then... stress free is the way to be... thanks for listening ladies :-)
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