Kinda T'd off right now....WDYT

A&M_Abyss

I'm going to try to keep this short in light of getting quicker responses from you ladies. I have a friend who got engaged before me and is in plan to be wed in April 2010. When I got engaged we were initially planning for a destination wedding in May 2010. Our plans changed and we started looking into venues in NJ with the intent to marry in winter 2010 but then after some thinking we wanted an early spring wedding and the venue we we about to chose had April 2, 2010 open. (hindsight) once i saw that was the only date open before the rates increased i spoke to my mom and fiancee bc i didn't want my friend to think i was trying to invade her wedding "space". FI & mom told me that I shouldn't be worried b/c my potential date was 2 weeks ahead of my friends and that she cannot get a whole year/month and that people need to do things based on their finances and not at the happiness of others. So I told my friend about it and I explained to her the reason why we might go with that date. I also explained that I would still be in her wedding and would make sure that I was upfront and center in all the planning rituals and duties of a BM and this wasn't going to get in the way!!!!!*********************WELL I found out through a mutual friend that she was LIVID with me and said things like "how could she do this to me, she just cant let me have my year and my time"***********************Am I tripping ladies or does she need to get over herself??? Meanwhile back at the ranch my wedding is no longer in 2010 it's now in 2011 and when she found out it was like a "breath of fresh air" to herSMDH............i'm truly annoyed but i'm still going to carry out my duties to her as one of her bm's.

the cat

Hole up....she need a whole year to herself? dont get upset. it's all good. we as brides do like to have our own thunder. don't take it personally! and certainly don't let it ruin your relationship with her. besides, if u didn't hear her say those things yourself, try and brush it off!

adgenya

I'd be annoyed by her behavior. The only factor I would've considered about having weddings so close is if you had mutual friends that would have to fly in and it would be a hardship on them. But then again I wouldn't complain about it, I'd be proactive and just send my STDs earlier.She was definitely being selfish. You didn't have to explain anything to her. Your FI and mom were right in telling you that you don't get a whole year/month, you get one day.

Dashawn Council

I would have probably been upset as well.  weddings bring that out in people and you want your day to be special and two weeks apart it would be no way  you could focus on her wedding and truely be supportive because when it gets down to it you really only want to focus ont he decisions needed to be made about your stuff. I am glad u ladies maintained your friendship and good luck with your wedding planning for 2011.

alfdallas21

hmmm, from what you've said above it sounds to me like she had a bridezilla attack when you disclosed to her that you & FI were going to go with the 4/2/2010 date...however, she DID NOT hear the part about the reason why you selected this date (i.e. - to lock in the current rate before they increased it at the venue you choose)...so to make your life easier going forward and to not cause unnecessary drama - fullfill your BM duties to your friend but don't go all out; do what is expected and nothing more because afterall YOU HAVE A WEDDING YOU ARE PLANNING FOR TOO!!...also try not to discuss alot of your wedding plans with this person as she may feel as though it is competition between y'all - I KID YOU NOT!!...if she acted that way about the possibility of you having a wedding 2 wks before her, just think of how she's going to act when you tell her what plans you are making...JMO based on what you said...GL & HTH!! 

Dashawn Council

yeah alf i can see that happening.  until her wedding is complete i suggest limiting the amount of weddign talk about yours.

the cat

either that or you'll think you're at your own wedding b/c you'll see all your ideas come to light! **slapping myself on the hand - be nice**

Dashawn Council

lol cat my friend did that hers was after but it was like attending mine all over again

A&M_Abyss

Well here is another kicker. 4 of us girls were having a small gathering at her new place and the subject of our weddings came up and apparently I made a comment to the affect of "our weddings will be 2 totally different weddings" which in all honesty they will be VERY different. I am OUT THERE and bold and loud and in your face when it comes to the things I want for my wedding and she then went back to the same person like "what the hell is that supposed to mean etc"She even got a bit upset that my parents were willing to shell out some cash for my wedding and hers aren't. I CAN'T WIN FOR LOSING WITH THIS ONE

Dashawn Council

weddings are touchy and even wheen you love your friend to peices you feel like yours is the best wedding ever and dont let finances be an issue for one and not the other thats a whole other issue in itself. I tried to stick to the "im so excited, its stressful or I cannot wait until it is over " answers.

the cat

Ok..from this moment on, u and bridequisha will not discuss anything wedding. if she asks your opinion, smile and say "girl it's all about u and what u want. i got your back". your wedding is officially operation top secret from bridequisha.

alfdallas21

see what I'm saying - she is gonna compare every little thing about her wedding to yours...which is ridiculous considering each of you have different budgets to work with...so again the old saying is true WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS BRING OUT PEOPLE'S TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT YOU!!

A&M_Abyss

FI told me to do the same thing. He said "you talk to much lol, stop telling people what you have planned for our wedding b/c the haters are going to come out HARD and if you think they're your friends you just might see another side to them"smdh he was so right

the cat

u just might have the wisest fi i've heard of! **no disrespect ladies - but bruh man spoke the truth!**

brobin01

Well I'm going to say it..I would have been annoyed if my friend planned a wedding the same month as mine, but hey that's just me. How long have you been friends with this chick? none of my friends would do that unless if was some type of life altering decision that had to be made..lol Real Talk..One of my BF's is getting married 2 months after me and Sometimes it is hard to focus on being her matron of honor and help with planning my own and help with hers, so imagine having to do that within the same month...But yes, keep as much wedding planning info to yourself. Seems like she is feeling some type of way b/c u are getting married too.  boy oh boy..weddings are truly drama central!

Ladysun083

SMH! Wow doesn't this sound like that situation with me and WC...a mess I tell ya

Panda16

I know I'm late but I wanted to chime in.Maybe I'm not the best person to give you an answer to this but I'm kind of going thru a similar situation. The ladies on here have been very helpful with their advice and I wanted to give you my two cents.I do want to commend you for wanting to uphold your duties as BM. My former MOH is getting married a month b4 me (but was engaged after me) and she told me she may not be able to make my wedding (hence the former title). As a bride myself, I cannot imagine telling another bride when to have her wedding day. I believe she is being a bridezilla here. I never once complained about my friend's decision. I was a bit annoyed but I always knew it wasn't stealing my thunder (we're inviting totally different ppl anyway). But I was more hurt when she said she probably can't make it.Please stick to your word of being there for her as a BM. I know you don't want to take any attention off her so show her that you will be there. Also...like pp's said, don't show too much wedding information with her either because chances are she is looking at you as competition now.