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Poll: Brutally Honest Personals

Since we're on a roll today..I used to read Esquire and they started running these personal ads that were freakin insane!! They werent the normal "i like chinese food and long walks on the beach" but were the real honest ones like "I only like to shower on Tuesdays and use other ppls toothbrush"  So if you were single, what would be your BHPA?SBF, 26, 5'4.  I am really sweet but will turn into a vindictive witch if you try to screw me.  If I go into crazy mode I may call you 5 times in a row if i think you are trying to ignore me (only because I want to piss you off) and baby if im mad we're BOTH going to be mad I can guarantee that!  I would love to make you dinner, but if you waste my left overs you can make sandwhiches for the next 3 days!  I have a habit of leaving my bra on the door knob, any door knob that is...call me! :-)

Re: Poll: Brutally Honest Personals

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    edited December 2011
    I'm sneaking on the Knot in a meeting. HR should be over shortly to find out why I burst out laughing. I'll be over to live with you next week since I won't be able to pay my mortgage. Girl you is crazy! Okay here goes. SBF, 38, 5'5". Tripolar on occasion. Own multiple firearms and an assortment of bullets. Favorite shows are Snapped and any Lifetime movies, which I will watch repeatedly.  Have a habit of leaving my shoes all over the bedroom floor. My feet may stink at any given time during the month of August (hayle its hot in Florida).
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    edited December 2011
    Looking for a lil something on the side: 32, 5'5, with some cushion for the pushin! I'm looking for someone who is available when I call but who doesn't EVER call me without me asking them to. I won't call u like a maniac, but when I do, be ready to make Kitty purrrr. I'm selfish most days but I like role play, so I can promise I'll pay you back! Must be proficient in backrubs, cooking, and karma sutra. I love long walks on the beach, but only in the fall cuz i sweat like a pig! My pet peeves are being touched without asking, willies that slip out when i'm on top, and men who don't leave cash on the nightstand. Drivers of covertible sports cars have a leg up. Cau u be my next drive-by???
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    edited December 2011
    OMG I am so glad that I am working home today!!! bwahahah at you two.. DST you can stay as long as you cook!
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    blue19violetblue19violet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    SBF, 27, 5'8. I am moody as there are stars in the sky. I like my own space and sometimes won’t even be able to stand the sight of your face. I just want to be left alone with my tea and my books. I’ll pay attention to you when it seems that you’re ignoring me. I don’t have a jealous bone in my body but don’t take that to mean that I won’t slice and dice your left nut if you should cheat on me. I wouldn’t cheat on you with a stranger but can’t promise that it wouldn’t happen with someone from my past that I’m emotionally connected to. If you can deal with my “faults”, you’ll be rewarded with someone who will always consider your feelings, make you laugh till your side hurts, comfort you when the world’s got you down, and ‘put it on you’ till you’re too weak to talk. I have references that I’m worth it :).
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    blue19violetblue19violet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cat and dst, you heffas have lost your minds. That is some funny shyte.
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    edited December 2011
    OMG!!!! I have tears...TEARS falling out of my eyes!!! I cannot take yall today!!! BLue, Cat, Lady!! All of yall! I can't take it!SBF,27 (in two days). I am a very down to earth female that likes to workout, only after I have seen a Beyonce video. I am an actress and i have great acting skills, espeically whne I fake orgasms just to make u hurry up and get off of me if you are wack in bed! I love to cuddle, but if any of my shows are on (RHW of ATL, Real World, Snapped,Making the Band/His band, Project Runway, or Hung) you better not talk to me or I might just spaz out and throw something at you and tell you to leave me the hell alone!  I am usually faithful. I am grossed out by taco meat on the chest, pubic hair in the tub, smacking when you eat and bushes of hair under your arm. I am against women having woof pu$$y's, so that should give you a hint that I shave.if u are interested holla at me!
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    blue19violetblue19violet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LMAO @ taco meat on the cheat. That shyte is so stoopid.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm all about that taco meat on the chest. this guy i used to see from baton rouge had that issue. he told me he'd shaved it. he got to my house (tad bit over an hour away) around 10 one night, took off his shirt and there it was....TACO MEAT! Please believe he took that lil wife beater back to Baton Rouge with him 3 minutes later! Now the wolf tootie....i'm totally through! Where is Alf with her CANNOT, cuz it's my turn - i cannot! lol
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    edited December 2011
    OMG OMG Brobin..I am clutching my pearls I cant breath!!!!! ROTF
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    edited December 2011
    OMFG LIKE OMFGGGGGGGGGGG Here goes my LMFAO moment SBF, 27, 5'11 thick in the waist and more than just cute in the face.looking for someone who won't stalk me after i give "lola" up to you and someone who doesn't get off on cheap $2 bottles of wine but can appreciate a fine bottle of arbor mist peach chardonnay. Don't snore while you're next to me and definitely don't come to me smelling like day old Newport looseys b/c you will get checked and lola will be put away. I need to check your bank account to make sure you can afford any type of meeting/dinner/dance etc with me b/c i dont need a "part time" lover's paycheck. If your momma so much as looks at me crooked she will get the BEAT DOWN so you better check homegirl or else i definitely will.

    272image Invited
    222image Accepted
    50image Can't Hang
    0 image Just won't be attending PERIOD
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    edited December 2011
    LMAO at "lola and yo mama"
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    edited December 2011
    LadySun i like this post lol {sidebar: i only drink Arbor Mist when i'm with my mama b/c she can't hang with real wines} lololol

    272image Invited
    222image Accepted
    50image Can't Hang
    0 image Just won't be attending PERIOD
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    NELCORPNELCORP member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Man I'm over here crackin up. You ladies are too funny.SBF,25, 5'4, soon to be wedded but I'm always down for an appertizer before the meal. I have 4 different personalities and if your lucky to hang with me for a full day you might just meet all 4 of them. I have the coke bottle figure and a face of an angle but don't let this innocent look fool you...you f*ck with me I'll F*ck you up to the point your mama don't recgonize you, that's personality 4 (meyon). I like to do something fun and active every weekend (and I don;t mean sex) so if you broke, flip to the next ad, but if you have some $$ we can work something out. In the bedroom I can play any role you like, freak of the week, girl next door, old lady with the skills...anything, you name it, I can do it, like I said I have 4 personalities...now come play with me!
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers image
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    blue19violetblue19violet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i got go pee before ya'll make me do it on myself. LMAO @ meyon and old lady with the skills.
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    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    Im CTFU to at "meyon and old lady with skills" lmao
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    oburrelloburrell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MBF, 25, 5'3. I got a man but always looking for a good side piece who can throw down! Not looking for anything deep, just someone who can follow directions, take me out, and buy me shiny pretty things. I'll be good to you and make it worth your while. I'm down for anything and I'll even cook you dinner. I'm not looking for a man who's going to fall in love w/me-if you do your feelings will get hurt. You don't need to know much else about me-anything else give me a call and send me a picture of you and "your friend" and I'll holla!
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    missevansmissevans member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LOL! Ya'll are funny. I can't even think of one...boooooo
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    edited December 2011
    lol lol I have been dying over here. I am always the last one to see these post. Damn I need to wake up in the morning and log on lol. I am with missevans, y'all have said so many silly scenerios I don't even know what to type. lol
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    edited December 2011
    Is it over??? I was tied up at work today and had date night with the guy... I've been missing out!!! Ohhhh-Emmmm-Geeee this is absolute madness. LOLOLOLOLI can't top any of the ones, but I'll contribute. Let's see...SBF, 25, 5'6". I am a social butterfly with a temper. I love to cater to my partner and do things like cook, clean, wash & press tousers, and surprise you with little gestures to show I care. However, don't look for me to do any of these things between the 4th and 28st of any given month because I'll likely be PMS-ing, suffering from "the curse", or recovering from it. I enjoy kickboxing and capoeira and injured my last partner while trying out the moves I'd learned on him. I keep two pair of panties in the glove compartment of my car and am barefoot more often than not (even at work). Call me!
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    edited December 2011
    Wow! I was out all day and I am sorry I missed this one - You all are funny!
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    blue19violetblue19violet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    lmbo @ between the 4th and 28st of any given month. I guess this dude really has to ask for everything he needs between the 1st and 3rd and 29th and 30th or 31st.
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