What to do? What to do?

mandikaykay

In advance, I apologize for the length.So, my one of my best friends and Maids of Honor, let's refer to her as MOH L and I had a few words.  Some of you might remember my post titled, "Interesting Weekend".  Long story short, she may be suffereing from a case of jealousy because she is not the main focus of my life anymore.  According to her actions lately, all signs point to this, either that or she's just plain losing her mind.  Well we haven't spoken since our emotionally draining yelling match two weeks ago.  She went on a cruise the week following our conversation and has been back for a week now.  I haven't heard from her since she got back.  But then check facebook and she posts "what are we doing for your birthday?"  What are we doing?  Well we aren't doing anything seeing as I haven't talked to you in two weeks.  You didn't even know that we took engagement pictures and even received the pictures back since you've been gone.  She honestly has no idea what is going on with me.  And mind you, this is the same friend that sacked me out because she said I called her too late in the day for her birthday.  I can totally see her doing some retaliation type ish in some passive aggressive stunt.Anywho, my question is:  I don't want to keep up the not speaking to each other thing.  But I also don't feel like celebrating my birthday with her after our last conversation.  Her presence at the moment doesn't exactly make me feel festive, if you know what I mean.  So what should I do?  Should I ignore her comment until after my birthday passes on Sunday?  Or should I respond that I have plans?  What would you do?  She hasn't exactly been acting like a best friend lately and I just want to enjoy my day, I don't want any drama at all.

OFF

Well are you planning something on your B-Day that involves other mutual friends? If not you can respond back that you decided to keep it low key this year and you and the FI are just going out for a quiet private dinner. Totally plausible. If you are doing something with mutual friends who could rat you out just sit on her comment until Monday. If she doesn't call you to ask, you can claim oh I was so busy I forgot to check facebook!

alfdallas21

totally agree with OFF's response...ride with what she says cuz either option works to remove any drama especially on your birthday...GL!

tamtam7

I think that it is interesting that she posted something on facebook about your birthday rather than giving you call.  I may be old school but that seemed like a bit of a cop out to me.  I think that she may regret that whole yelling match and she's afraid to talk to you because she wants to feel you out first.  It may be that she wants to make things up but doesn't know how.  I totally understand what you mean that you don't want drama so in that case I would just ride it out like pp suggested.  Because I wouldn't want to celebrate my birthday with a hater.  But if she truly is a dear and good friend to you and this relationship is worth salvaging, you may want to say, hey I've been feeling like you've not been acting like a best friend lately and this is why.  I think that it's natural for a friend to fear that they may lose a good friend when something life altering happens to their relationship i.e. marriage.  Not that I'm making excuses for her, but you may want to hear her out.  Just my humble opinion.

MrClintonsFirstLady09

Tamtam actually kind of touched on what I wanted to say. I think it is a bit grade school to send you a message on facebook instead of calling you directly. Especially given the fact you two had a major lil "pow wow" two weeks ago. Maybe she sent the message to try to test the waters to see if you were over what happened. But a real friend would just reach out in a better way rather than using facebook. Her thinking may be, let me see how she responds to this then it will let me know if it is cool to call. I would definitely do what OFF and the others have suggested. She is the one who kind of has the issue right now. It is not up to you to entirely smooth things over. If you are not partying with people that you and her are both cool with, then I would not even make notice of what she sent either until after your b-day has come and gone. If you do have a lot of mutual friends in common say you are spending that time with your man. That's what I would do. At least until she came to me like a real friend and talk to me and not allow facebook to be her mouthpiece. HTH.

Panda16

I agree with pp's. If she's a good friend (argument or not), she should contact you on the phone. You two are best friends for a reason meaning no matter how much you hurt each other, you still care foe each other. I'm going thru a similar situation with my BF/former MOH but I would still call to check on her or speak with her. Take the higher road and call.