African American Weddings

No wedding?? Longer than usual

So I'm really thinking about not having a wedding.  Still getting married! Just no wedding.  Some of the recent things that have happend have put into perspective the fact that its really going to be just me and FI in this thang.  We are the most important 2 people in our lives, and while there is going to be a support network, there really isn't going to be anybody but us and God in our marriage.  That said, all the energy, effort, planning, and especially the $ I have been putting into this wedding so OTHER PEOPLE can enjoy themselves just seems out of focus to me (I know I would enjoy myself and it would be worth it - maybe I'm being short-sighted right now).So now we are thinking about just going to the JP or doing something at our parents house and maybe just having a party or have a brunch with our closest famiy/friends or something.  My head is all over the place.  I am going to try not to think about it too much though.We already have a deposit on the place $300 and the caterer $250 and his mom has bought the dress/veil/under garments $600.  So we would be out of over $1000 but I could repurpose or sell the dress and my dad wouldn't ask for the caterer money back.  That's nothing compared to how much we were going to spend though.  And my dad said he would spend the $ on our honeymoon if we decided to go against the big wedding. (Hello Bali or Brazil!!!)I'm just trying to make sure I wouldn't regret it.  I figure in 10 years I can do a fabulous vow renewal at our home or something. Like I said my head is all over the place right now.... this is going to be a long day. Thanks for listening :-)

Re: No wedding?? Longer than usual

  • edited December 2011
    I'd go with the JP. You seem to be totally ok with that. How does FI see it? If he's on board I'd be all over it. We often times do plan a big shin dig that's more beneficial to our guests than to ourselves. That's normal though. We get lost sometimes. It sounds like your dad is ok with it, too. A nice family dinner after the ceremony would be in perfect order. I don't think you're being shortsigted. Take a minute to think about it of course, but in the end..if you and FI are happy with this decision, cool. It's not like you can't get a 'do over'. Like you said, fab vow renewal with all the fixins! Pack your bags and bring a camera cuz we going to Bali or Brazil!
  • edited December 2011
    I feel where you're coming from, girl. Here. **handing you a piece of paper from my legal pad** On one side write down all of the cons (negatives) about having the wedding... On the other write down all of the pros (positives) about having the wedding. Take a few days to think this through... make sure that you're not just frustrated because of all of stress that other people are creating around you (so you're cancelling the shindig as a way out) or worried about the $$. But you made a good point, it's all about you, FI, and God. Heading to the JP is the norm for my family... we've really only had one "wedding" in the past four generations. No one cared because of that very fact.You'll make the right decision regardless of which way you go. And if that means losing my planning buddy... well, I'll do my best to pick up the pieces and carry on:*( 
  • edited December 2011
    What about a DW?  That is what we are doing...way less $$$ and stress.  And anyone who wants to come (for part of the time at least) can join you for a few days.  That way you can still wear the dress, at least!  We decided to go this route after I realized there was no way I was going to be able to please EVERYBODY and not be flat busted broke or in debt trying to have a "traditional" wedding.  I still get to feel like a "traditional" bride in a way (with the dress and all), but without all the stress, AND we get our fabulous honeymoon!  HTH
  • edited December 2011
    I've been where you are. What we were planning and trying to please everyone was getting out of control. I began thinking, why am I over exerting myself and stressing so others can enjoy themselves. We shut everthing down and focused on us because at the end of the day that's all its gonna be. US. We decided on a very small intimate affair. Approximately 30 people-close family and friend-those that mean us well and we are working on buying a house before the baby comes. I'm more content with that and don't feel that I would regret anything.
  • edited December 2011
    Instead of losing out on the money that you have already deposited, why don't you just have a really intimate wedding. Nothing over the top just like a dinner party or something. Your dad can still pay for the honeymoon which is great and you guys won't have to put out so much money. Well GL with your decision making!
    Lovin Kimmie
  • edited December 2011
    I know how you feel - Remember this the Wedding is about you and your FI not about other peoples expectations of what a 'What a Wedding Is' My husband and I decied to have a small wedding on our terms, we invited 60 guests and 50 came, we had the ceremony in a rose garden and the reception at our home - We just bought a home so it was a good way for everyone we loved to visit it and celebrate with us at one. If you still want a wedding, think out side the box and have it own your terms, there are tons of ways to have an affordable wedding and enjoy your married life without going into debt and being broke :)
  • edited December 2011
    As ppr's have said take amoment to really think things thru and if you still are comfortable with the JP then do what you feel is right. At the end of the day it is really about you and FI. Like Cat said in her post plan for a fabulous renewal with everything you want. I hope you come to the right decision for you and FI. HTH
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  • ddyoungddyoung member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    See cat this what the knot means to me!!!!! Thanks ladies I really appreciate your perspectives and opinions. I am going to just relax and take a couple of days to NOT think about it.  I have a couple more months before the nonrefundable parts of the deposit increase so I'm not really under any time pressure.  And FI really wants to just have a party he says he wouldn't regret not having a wedding at all. My dad just wants me to be happy of course but he thinks I would just regret not having those memories. What to do what to do....And a DW still seems like more planning and coordinating than I even want to think about.  And knowing my family, they will turn it into a family reunion.  They are not scared of traveling they look forward to it.  In fact a big chunk of my family is going to Italy next year so I know they would be down lol.Thanks again ladies!
  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I are getting married in Montego Bay at the Sandals resort. Because we are staying 7 days, the wedding is free. We got the honeymoon suite with concierge service for $3300. Our flights were $900. We are having a wedding and honeymoon for less than $4000. We have no wedding party, but we have welcomed all who want to come. With that being said, we have no stress! We are not having a reception when we return, so we have saving tons of money.   Have you looked into a destination wedding?
  • edited December 2011
    Have a small wedding at you or your parents home. The JP sounds so sterile and you can still wear your dress and veil, have pretty pics. Think about it. I'm sure whatever you do will be classy and full of love.
  • tippytoe1981tippytoe1981 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I totally feel you and you are 100% right, it's all about you, FI, and the vows that you make before God.  planning a wedding is really for the other people to enjoy. and it is expensive. but whatever you do decide, just remember that you want to start the first months of your marriage for better and not for worse. :) but like you said, in the end, it's just you and FI. and you two's happiness gets first priority in whatever you decide to do... i understand you taking some time to NOT think about the wedding. lol... you'll know what to do with a fresh mind.  wish you the best!
  • edited December 2011
    I totally understand where you are coming from.. like pp's take some time and think about it and if you and FI decide to have something small and intimate so be it.. Its really about you and FI anyway..
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