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I NEED ADVICE!

My FI is going through some kind of crisis simply b/c i have a steady career and I make more than he does. He works, but it is not what and where he wants to be (company downsized and he had to take a less paying job in another state to keep working). Yes, I am established in my career, but it is not where I want to be either. I still have to answer to a boss and most of the time I feel that I'm not treated fairly. We had this talk last night and it finally came out. He says he still wants to get married but he is not happy with his current job situation. I guess he wants to feel like the main breadwinner. I tried to incourage him that he will find something better in time, but he still seems a little depressed. What should I do?

Re: I NEED ADVICE!

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    edited December 2011
    I went through this with my FI not too long ago.  My FI decided to go back to school to work toward getting to where he wants to be in the future.  I make more than him, but for now, his schedule work schedule is perfect for school.  I try to keep him encouraged and let him know that it is okay, I love him today, as things are and that I am proud of him for taking the steps toward improving his financial position.  My suggestion would be to ask FI what he truly wants, and ask that he be specific (not just say, to make more money).  Then help him find a path that can lead him to that goal.  For my FI, he really is a tech geek, and he just didn't have the education to backup the knowledge.  So he enrolled in school and yes, it's one more thing to do, but we both understand that today's sacrifices prepare us for our successes tomorrow.  I hope this helps.
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    edited December 2011
    Fi and I had to have a similar conversation, as he is currently unemployed AND looking for finish his degree.  I try to stay encouraging of the situation--I'm happy that he wants to continue his education and financially it'll get better.  Just stay positive and uplifting, and give him space when he needs it.
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    edited December 2011
    FI and I had this convo years ago. It is established that I am the main bread winner and because of the nature of my work and his...I will always be.  I am very aware that this sometimes bothers him but we have learned to play our non-traditional positions well over time. At home, I am very passive in following his lead as he is the man of the house. I also try NOT to throw the salary in his face often talking about money at a minimum.  It works for our HH. I find supporting his goals and lifting him up is a necessity to the success of our HH. So he decided to go back to school to get certification in HVAC and I support him wholeheartedly.  The main thing is LOVE, SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT...I hope this helps.Cicy
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    edited December 2011
    pre.marital.counseling.
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    edited December 2011
    Just take it one day at a time, imo its his bridge and he needs to "get over it". Shoot  If we make less they are complaining... if we make more they are complaining what are we supposed to do.  I make more in the sense that I have a part time adjuncting job and my Hubby has two children that he is paying for every pay period.I worked very hard to be where I am, shoot Sallie Mae pretty much owns my black behind so therefore I am not down playing my succes, he needs to be your supporter as well and should be giving you high fives on a job well done.We did premarital and saw a Therapist and both them told him to "get over it" and be thankful for what you have, which is half of a solid foundation, now instead of feeling sorry for yourself start building up your half of the foundation".
    Mr. and Mrs. Jones est. 10/18/2008
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    ladylumladylum member
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    edited December 2011
    Right now I'm the main breadwinnder in my family. I have a situation like Cicy's. He's getting his degree so it is possible inthe future, he will make more than me. He was so happy to have a lady that works and can contribute that it didn't bother him that much. In the household, he is the man and I defer to his position. I agree with Mrs.J, though, eventually he will have to "get over it". You can always encourage him about the ways he contributes that is non-monetary (supporting you on a bad day, helping around the house, etc.) and show him how much you appreciate him and his contributions.
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    edited December 2011
    OMG, I'm going through the same exact thing. FI and I pray every night before we get off the phone and I dedicate the majority of the prayer to him and asking God to grant him favor in his career path. Just try to continue to support him and remind him of how proud you are of him.
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