NWR/Long: Moving for a Man

mahoganieyes

I know the ladies of AAW will tell it like it is and that's why I want your honest opinion. Would you ever move out of state to be with your fiance. Dropping work, school, family just to be with your man.Background: Fi and I have been together for 7 years and planning our wedding for 2011. The ceremony and venue is booked. I am currently in school and have another 2 yrs, sometime ending in 2011 to be finished. I'm not happy with my job situation and school seem like it will never be completed. My mom wants me to finish school before I get married. No problem. But fiance is applying for jobs out of state and wants me to finish asap so we can be together without being seperated for a long period of time. I feel pressured to get done but I have a big issue with possibly living apart for 1.5- 2 yrs. A friend told me why not move with him, if he get the job and just finish college out of state. I feel like people or mom will think I am making a big mistake for following after a man without no education. But actually I do have my associate's.

feleciae19

Try to get school out of the way before marriage if you can then you will feel better. Or you could try to transfer your credits to another school. Just think arm ywives have to move all the time .Just pray on it God will tell you what to do.

mahoganieyes

Thank You Feleciae! Oh, I'm not going to drop out of college. I would just transfer my credits. I still think people will have something to say since I will be going to school out of state and not completing here and have been in school for a long time.

ddyoung

would he do it for you? I don't know your relationship so I'm not gonna say whether you should or shouldn't, but if you choose not to don't let the reason be because of what you think your mom or others might think.  if they have a legitimate concern then thats one thing but don't just worry that they will think you are following him. My FI moved out of town for me with 2 years left of school and I REALLY wish he had just went ahead and finished (and he always knew I wanted that).  Because he has moved here now and now we are ready to move again and the fact that he hasn't finished school yet makes me feel like I am stuck or that I have to go to a certain place so that I am not disrupting his school/education.  We just had another convo about this tonight.  We both have dreams we both have goals how can we make sure they are aligned so that both people are winning -win/win instead of win/lose?? So tough.My one thiing would be don't move without a job offer already on the table in the next city! especially right now. How far would "out of town" be? Too far to make it work? I think if he moves out of town and then you think its impossible then consider it at that point (when you'll have possibly another semester under your belt).  Dealing with distance can unbelievably bring you closer.Just pray about it like PP said because if it's meant to be it's meant to be and God will make a way regardless of the distance! and regardless of the job! HTH GL

mahoganieyes

We live in Ohio, and he's considering Baltimore, D.C., Charlotte, Philly, Memphis, South Carolina, Chicago.

BubblyBoo81

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but if it were me, I wouldn't go without finishing college. But if you do plan to go, see how many credits will transfer. Since you have two years to go, you may not even be in your major yet or just barely in it, but they may have little classes that are particular to that school. Just check it out before.And pray about it.

Ladysun083

Good Morning,Because I have experienced a similar situation I will give you my honest advice. 1. you are an adult, so the biggest thing that you need to put aside as it applies to moving forward in your life is the statement:  "I feel like people or mom will think I am making a big mistake for..." or wondering what people will think in general. I can tell you, if you live by this concept you are headed in the direction of a world of stress.  When making life decisions, make them YOUR decision and what YOU feel is going to be best for you in the long run.  As far as the move with FI, that is something that I did, I moved from NY to his state.  Do I regret it...no.  This is one of those steps that you take in life, you only live once and while living it make smart decisions/choices.  I will say this, before you consider moving or doing anything make sure that you have all of your ducks in order.  Get familiar with the area.  I would first contact schools so that you can start to get information (ie. transferring credits, etc).  I would also start sending out my resume to different companies before I moved.  GL and message me if you need any other info.

mycicybride

I would finish school where I was and make the commute work.  I am sure you brought it to the board because we will ask the tough questions. So why is he applying for jobs out of state when he knows you are in school there? Just wondering as I see the question could be asked.."would your man stay and wait for you to graduate before moving?"HTH...IMO stay in school where you are as it seems like that was your original personal goal. Also please don't worry about what others will say. Do you. You can't live your life for them. Ci

nitaashanti78

I decided to have my Americorps assignment in the state where my fi was (Texas) and I was still living in Atlanta at the time.  And even after I relocated, we were still 4 hours away from each other.  I prayed on it and decided to do it.  It worked out for me because I considered the pluses for ME, not just me and and fi.  I had a great working/learning opportunity with where I was placed and in the event that we did NOT work out (you do have to consider that), I would be in a place where I could thrive on my own.  It sounds a little selfish, but if you are going to relocate look at how it would benefit YOU on every level.  Working at a university now I can tell you to be sure to research whatever school you are considering and check to see how much of your credits will transfer.  If you are two years in, you're probabaly not too far into your major which is a good thing.  Just pray on it, consider the pros and cons and then make a decsion.

Mypasmita

I wouldn't look at this as moving FOR a man by the way. It's not as though he's stringing you along. You guys are engaged and are building a future together, so you are supposed to make decisions together. In MY case, FI and I struggled with that decision for a really long time (like 3 years, long time) He wasn't willing to let me move and "start over" but he wanted to be the one making that sacrifice. He couldn't because even thought he got job offers here, immigration did not want to give him a work visa (he's a UK citizen) So I am moving. But I am not doing it until AFTER the wedding and WITH a job. We really struggled with it to as we are trying to save for the wedding (the monthly trip to london/Philly are not cheap) and to prevent the strains of a long distance relationship (we start fighting for silly reasons after we don't see each other for a while). But we knew what we needed to do (cut down the wedding budget and look for work so we can preserve our relationship, still see each other, and have a job by the time the wedding comes around) So I am not only moving out of state or the country, but going all the way to the UK. But our situations are differents. I have been done with school, i have a good job and I can get a job there (I have a euro citizenship) with less hassle than if Fi was to move here. People will talk but you have to do what's is right for you and know that you may need to make a sacrifice one way or the other. Is your mom's only concern school? Cause you can always transfer. Whatever you do, i hope you make the right decision for the both of you

OFF

OK if this man is worth marrying he has to be worth moving out of state for. This isn't some random guy you're talking about it's your fiancee. So yeah he should be worth you dropping work school family etc. That said if you are going to move you need to be more involved in the decision making process. Not just move to follow him but discuss what areas would actually benefit your education and future career. You definitely need to look into whether you could in a timely fashion finish your degree out of state. I mean you have to think of out of state tuition which even community colleges charge, you have to think that a lot of universities/colleges won't take all of your associates degree credits. Also, he may be moving cause it's best for him but he needs to understand that it's not about him anymore and you guys need to do what is best for both of you. If you're really unsure about all of this you guys need to sit down and have a really long talk. And what other people say or think should not factor in it cause it's your life not theirs.

YasJas2011

We are in a similar situation. I have two years left in school and he is graduating in May 2010. He has interned twice at the power company of his dreams here in NC and normally they offer you a job when you excel in the program (which he did) but they may send him to FL! :-( We are getting married in 2011. I was very upset at first at the possibility that we would be apart for a year and a half. But I knew that I couldn't move (I am in a PhD Program! LOL!). You can't just transfer when you are working on a doctorate. But if I was working on my B.S I probably would. I said all of that to say that I agree with the PP. You are not that far along where you couldn't transfer and still finish in 2 or 2.5 years. But just being the person that I am, I would research the school and make sure that you can transfer all or most of your credits. I would also have some type of job line up. Even if it is Wal-Mart! (Work there from my Sophmore year in College until my Masters was completed). What ever you do, DON'T Stop school just because you have your Associate! Follow your dream!

KimRhone

I think that you need to do what's right for you and not everyone else. I understand your mom's point with finishing school first but I can also understand you not wanting to be away from him so long. If you decide to move with your fiance then try to find a school that will accept the credits that you do have. If you plan on marrying this man then you 2 need to sit down and really decide what is best for the both of you. Sometimes we need to make mistakes so we can learn (if it is a mistake). I wish you luck in whatever you do

Lovie 129

I read the cities he is considering, the cost of living is pretty high, maybe with the exception of Memphis. I don't know if I would say moving for a man, you are already engaged, there is some commitment there. I would be more concerned if you weren't engaged.Take FI out of the equation. Think of each city, the job prospects in your field, the colleges and universities that have your major, and YOUR ability to live in those cities financially independent of FI. If you consider those aspects of a move, and they are positive for YOU, then go for it. If some need a bit of work, then YOU have to decide what is important at this time in your life. No one walks in your shoes, so the ultimate decision is always looking you in the mirror. Follow your head, your heart hopefully will follow.

mahoganieyes

I told him lastnight and he was a bit shocked because he wants me to finish here. The places he is considering, we actually sat down a few months ago and discussed places we are willing to relocate to. He is fustrated becase he has tried twice to ge on with the local police department, and our city a few months ago almost laid off cops. So law enforcement here is on hold. He wants to work for a city law enforcement  department and not a small township. He has a good job with pay but he knows his heart is the law and feel as time goes on, his dreams is fading. I try to encourage him but he feels by staying here, he is limited. I don't want to be pressured like I have to finish because I am holding him back. He wants me to take 4-5 class. There is no way working full-time I can take 4-5 classes. He is concerned with me moving that it would set me back, and I might struggle to find a job equivalent to the pay I have now. For now, I will just concentrate on school  and see what changes in some months. If he get a job out of state, then we will have to set something up. If we lived years ago seperated in a long distance relationship but after all these years we might have to be seperated, this is not sitting well with me. I will definetly pray on this because I know God will show me a way!! Thank again ladies!! Happy VA day to any ladies or lurkers out there today!

essian

All the ladies hit the salient points I wanted to touch on.First of all, pray about it and ask God to help you make a decision and HE would.The 2nd point is that, don't ever worry about what somebody i.e friends, family etc would say about any decision you have to make in this life. As long as you have prayed to God, and you feel like u are making the  right decision, go with it. This is because, no matter what u do in this world-good or bad, s'one would have something to say about it.Besides, you are not living for them.Lastly, if you feel you are being led to move, then do your research well about the new schools there, transfer of credits etc...Good luck!

pinkpanther_truck

Does your family's opinion of your choices matter more than what you feel is right for you and your future family? There are too many accredited schools with great programs across the board for people to assume that if you don't stay at the college/university you're enrolled in, you're not going to finish school. Here's a question for your family/friends? Do they not trust your character and judgement enough to be confident that you're capable of making the good decisions? I don't know what you've shown them in regards to your decision making skills before, but if you've proven time and time again that you know what's best for you (i.e. working, going to school, paying your own bills, not getting evicted or having your car repossessed, if you have kids--raising them well/if you don't have kids--waiting until you're married/established, etc, etc, etc.) then they should trust you on this. Think it through, pray on it, weigh all of the pros and cons, and like OFF said, if he's worth marrying--why wouldn't he be worth moving for/with. Good luck and let us know what you decide.

berrytr

I haven't checked in for a while but ...Let's put aside the emotional for a minute.  Amongst the cities in the running, is there somewhere you wouldn't live?  If so, let him know that, immediately.  I live in the Chicago area (moved here from Raleigh/Durham NC and originally from Philly) and, baby, I would NOT recommend it, AT ALL.Next, have a plan.  Consider colleges with your major.  Consider companies in your filed.  Consider social activities of interest (b/c he will have a built-in network from the job and you need a network, too).  Consider places of worship.In short, the move has to be good for you and him.  Hope this helps.

mahoganieyes

Girl I told him the whole state of Georgia and Texas is off limit. He was not too happy about the Georgia mark-off. I have been working in healthcare for the past 10 yrs, so I would more than likely look for jobs in that area.

2010MayBride

I would talk to your FI and see if its possible to put off moving until your finish school and get married! That would make things easier for both of you! if not then try and transfer your credits....it doesnt matter what others say! and you said yall have been together for 7 years so its not like you just meet this guy and want to run off with him.....this is going to be your husband....as long as you are happy that is the only thing that matters! pray on it and you will get your answer!!!