African American Weddings
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Tired of biting my tongue...vent

Fmil never cease to amaze me. Fi is at work and sends me a private message on FB about his mom getting on his nerve and to give her a call. Well supposedly she had a lot of things to complain about, but mainly me. She called me last week while fi was oot and left me a vm message stating she was just calling to see how I'm doing and that I do not have to call her back. She complained to fi that I did not call her back. Why would I, when she said on my vm that I did not have too? Luckily  my new phone received vm texts and I actually had the vm text still on my phone; eventhough the vm was deleted. I forwarded him that text. He still wanted me to call after he stated his mom wants to be the center of attention but I told him "no, and I'm tired of this!"  I told him months ago whenever your mother has a complaint about me, please keep it to yourself. The more I know, the more I withdraw and dislike her more.

Also this past weekend I learned from fi that his mother wants to throw me a bridal shower. I told him no. #1 that's rude when I have a mother and family/bm that would do that instead. Also one of bm offered months ago but I declined. I hate being center of attention and not really a fan of bridal showers. I will attend bridalshowers  but pass on a shower for myself. My mom already thinks I favor his mother more. Not true and we had a big argument about that. So, I know my mom would be livid if his mom did this. Plus his mom and I are not bestfriends(as you can read) and she constantly complains about me, so why would she want to throw me a shower?

So how can I continue being respectful to his mom without going off on her. I've never said anything rude to her, if any just stay quiet around her but she complains about that too.


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Re: Tired of biting my tongue...vent

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    prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Girl we are having the same problem well similar! My FMIL contacted my bff/MOH and said she was going to pay for everything for the bridal shower. Then proceeded to change everything from location to the theme. Two weeks ago she contacts my friend and says who else is going to contribute and the bridesmaids should be helping. At this point my mom says she will pay for everything and tell his mother don't worry about it. Today she calls my friend and tells her my mom shouldn't pay for it, what kind of friends do I have in my wedding party that wouldn't pay, and I must have just picked people to fill up the church. I am out of town but when I get back I will deal with her. Nobody asked her to do a thing!

    All that to say, just be honest and upfront and don't beat around the bush. If you don't want a shower let her know and tell her your reasoning why. Is your FI the only son/child? My FI is his mom's only child and the closer we get to the wedding the more she is doing things for attention. Remain respectful, but don't get run over.
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    edited December 2011
    We need to have prayer for all these crazy fmil!!!
    I never asked her, and she never even asked me if I was having a shower, so how the heck did she come up with giving me one? No, not only child but the oldest boy. He has a younger brother that lives oot.


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    prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes we do girl! Yes we do! Her best friend told me the last time she visited that I needed to tell his mother more about what is going on with the wedding because she didn't know anything. I'm like now you see exactly why. I had less drama before when she didn't know anything but the date and time of the wedding.
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry you have to go thru this. I unfortunately dont have the FMIL issues, FI mother passed a few yrs ago. I understand having to tolerate people because you have too, but some just need to be put in there place nicely at times. Good Luck with her!
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    edited December 2011
    I can very much so relate, but not with FI's mom. As pp said, have a honest conversation with her about what you want & don't want. If you continue to say nothing & let it bottle up, you will go off on her. You definitely need to draw the boundary lines, but do it in a respectful way (as pp said).

    And I agree that your FI needs to keep any comments from his mom to himself & handle it when she complains about you. He needs to realize how it bothers you. Therefore, he should nip it in the bud. But we know how men can be with their moms!
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    desi2002desi2002 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    idk why MIL's are crazy like this! I swear I wont be crazy like this when my son gets married!

    My MIL is going crazy too... she keeps saying "yall aint got the money to be doing all this stuff!" Seriously? Get outta my pockets please!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tired-of-biting-tonguevent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:1a50057f-0b53-45a7-b87f-b1fa3b897a4ePost:ce3cf520-c0d9-40a9-aef3-cd936339185e">Re: Tired of biting my tongue...vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry you have to go thru this. I unfortunately dont have the FMIL issues, FI mother passed a few yrs ago. I understand having to tolerate people because you have too, but some just need to be put in there place nicely at times. Good Luck with her!
    Posted by sweetjess2011[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, Jess!


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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tired-of-biting-tonguevent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:1a50057f-0b53-45a7-b87f-b1fa3b897a4ePost:ad12f24b-4c0a-494e-b86a-d6d88e3336d4">Re: Tired of biting my tongue...vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]idk why MIL's are crazy like this! I swear I wont be crazy like this when my son gets married! My MIL is going crazy too... she keeps saying "yall aint got the money to be doing all this stuff!" Seriously? Get outta my pockets please!
    Posted by desi2002[/QUOTE]

    Omg that's her too! Now he wants to block her on his FB because she questions him about how much is this, what is that...type of stuff.


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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tired-of-biting-tonguevent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:1a50057f-0b53-45a7-b87f-b1fa3b897a4ePost:bee2d288-50c9-49e3-8b13-d1e5df7fc012">Re: Tired of biting my tongue...vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can very much so relate, but not with FI's mom. As pp said, have a honest conversation with her about what you want & don't want. If you continue to say nothing & let it bottle up, you will go off on her. You definitely need to draw the boundary lines, but do it in a respectful way (as pp said). And I agree that your FI needs to keep any comments from his mom to himself & handle it when she complains about you. He needs to realize how it bothers you. <strong><font color="#ff0000">Therefore, he should nip it in the bud. But we know how men can be with their moms!
    </font></strong>Posted by lil01[/QUOTE]


    Amen! I plan on after the wedding setting her straight or atleast letting her know where I stand. If I do it now, she could be a real biotch and try to use that as a reason not to attend the wedding, so I would rather avoid that pound of crap and wait till afterwards. What can she do then, besides throw a fit???


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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tired-of-biting-tonguevent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:1a50057f-0b53-45a7-b87f-b1fa3b897a4ePost:f7b5a2a6-88c4-449b-9d5a-89c72d2b832a">Re: Tired of biting my tongue...vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes we do girl! Yes we do! Her best friend told me the last time she visited that I needed to tell his mother more about what is going on with the wedding because she didn't know anything. I'm like now you see exactly why. I had less drama before when she didn't know anything but the date and time of the wedding.
    Posted by prncsz[/QUOTE]

    His mom is itching to be in my wedding plans. She keeps offering her help...no thanks!


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