Your relationship with bil & sil

mahoganieyes

I was thinking about this the other day. Now dh and I been together for 9 years and you would think that I have an awesome relationship with his brother or wife. Besides FB, I do not talk to his brother. His brother was married over a year ago and dated his wife for 5-6 before they got married and still his wife and I have no relationship. She suppose to be my sister in law but feels like a stranger. This kind of burn me a little because I see her/his updates on FB and they see mine but no one comments or even picks up a phone. I see bil maybe 1-2 times a year and he only lives 4 hours away. No telephone calls. My dh is the one that initiate phone calls to his brother constantly. I've tried in the past to communicate with him and his wife via FB by commenting or send messages but no answer.

Is this normal? How is your relationship with brother in law, or sister in law?

shesheduke

Wow that is crazy. DH has a huge family there are 6 siblings including DH and I get along with all of them and their significant others great. Don't get me wrong I get a long with some better than others but its not strange for me to be having a full blown conversation on the phone or on fb with them or their spouse. It really is a great feeling. My sister is a little more standoffish but Her and DH get along great and they even talk on the phone now without me being around. I mean it has been 13 years so I guess that makes sense.

Try reaching out to your SIL and see if you have anything in common that would make it easier for you to communicate with her. Good Luck

Baesmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_relationship-bil-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:39666943-9f57-4928-95fd-f07302eb120dPost:83c0f39d-8307-4bb4-9a12-2adcb3c142a0">Re: Your relationship with bil & sil</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow that is crazy. DH has a huge family there are 6 siblings including DH and I get along with all of them and their significant others great. Don't get me wrong I get a long with some better than others but its not strange for me to be having a full blown conversation on the phone or on fb with them or their spouse. It really is a great feeling. My sister is a little more standoffish but Her and DH get along great and they even talk on the phone now without me being around. I mean it has been 13 years so I guess that makes sense. Try reaching out to your SIL and see if you have anything in common that would make it easier for you to communicate with her. Good Luck
Posted by shesheduke[/QUOTE]

I agree with reaching out to your sil.
My relationship with my future bil is great. we communicate via fb. when he calls, we talk.  My FI and my brothers get along better than they do with me.. lol
then again, they have alot in common.  I get along pretty good with my brother's other half. (i call her my sil because they have been together for 13 years pretty much since jr year in highschool)  i love her to death!
I think its just a matter of finding common ground and building from that.

egammo3

I am close with FI's siblings for the most part. No, we do not talk everyday and have conversations on the phone, but when we are able to get together in person we do manage to converse and joke around. Like you, I used to get down because they didn't make an effort to call nor txt, but I realized that it wasn't because they didn't like me or want to talk to me, it was because they didn't know what to say (I grew up very different from FI, andafter being together for 7 years, I am still learning how to take all of their slang, jargons, etc.)  Now that I have begun to get serious into the wedding planning his siblings have been more talkative. His brother comments on my posts and his sister will post something on my wall every now and then... I guess weddings do tend to bring people together... As far as his brothers GF/BM, thats a whole different story.

wallacje

That's crazy.

I'm not close to H's sister's at all.  We are all friends on FB and when they post stuff I look at it but usually don't have anything to say.  They only call H when they need us to pay for something really.  H will call to talk to his one sister's kids but that's about it.

I'm sorry that you want to be close to yours but they are not cooperating with you.  Have you brought it up with your H?  What does he have to say about it?

In my case, I'm good on mine, especially since we are only viewed as a bank account.

mahoganieyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_relationship-bil-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:39666943-9f57-4928-95fd-f07302eb120dPost:c3be7919-c942-4a2e-831b-3cf187a802b4">Re: Your relationship with bil & sil</a>:
[QUOTE]That's crazy. I'm not close to H's sister's at all.  We are all friends on FB and when they post stuff I look at it but usually don't have anything to say. <strong> <font color="#ff0000">They</font></strong><font color="#ff0000"> </font><strong><font color="#ff0000">only call H when they need us to pay for something really</font></strong>.  H will call to talk to his one sister's kids but that's about it. I'm sorry that you want to be close to yours but they are not cooperating with you.  Have you brought it up with your H?  What does he have to say about it? In my case, I'm good on mine, especially since we are only viewed as a bank account.
Posted by wallacje[/QUOTE]


BIL is like that. I see my dh try to force a relationship with his brother and I just refuse to always be the one to initiate or give $$$.

CaramelBride973

FI and I have been together 8years and I have a really good relationship w/ my FBIL( I think of him as my brother) but he did have gf for about 5years and we were really distant from her, FI included. I think you and your husband should try to take the first steps to make and effort to get closer.  

teamUS2012

I have/want no relationship with my FBIL. I know that's probably really bad, but we're just like night and day. His entire family is quite different from mine (which is taking some getting used to), in every way imaginable. I can't tolerate fbil at all and pretty much have no respect for him, so I told the fiancé that it's best he keep me away from him as much as possible, unless it's a family affair. Fi is fine with that because he acknowledges the triflingness of his trifling brother. :-)

teamUS2012

Oh, and I agree that you should initiate convo, OP. despite my previous post, I value family a lot. You might be the one to pull this family together.

msktn95

FI has a brother and a sister.  His brother is nice and speaks everytime he sees me. His sister on the hand is another story.  She does not like me and I have no idea why.  This is FI's second wedding. And his sister is best buddies with his exwife.  The sad part about all of this, she is one of my bridesmaid.  If I  send her message regarding the wedding, she responds to FI instead of me.  In the beginning she was not a bridesmaid, we agreed to that he would pick his guys and I would pick the girls.  Well a few months after we announce the date, she was going around telling people that she could not believe she was not in her brother's wedding and she was his only sister.  She really showed out. So FI asked me to reconsider, he would add my brother if I added her.  Now she want even speak to me or respond to messages regarding the wedding.  

The only thing you can do is make an effort and put it in their corner, if they fail to respond thats on them.  You did your part.  

PrettyCW5

FI has 4 older sisters and a twin brother. All of his sisters have a great relationship with me, and I have a great relationship with all of  their kids as well!   (the kids make me feel like a celeb--they make an extra effort to come up to just say hey--lol!!--then again it could be that I don't get to see them that often) FI and I have been best friends for 7 years and we started dating last year and got engaged. FI's twin bro got engaged to his now wife two days after we got engaged.  I don't talk to FBIL much but I talk to FSIL via fb and text from time to time. We hit it off the first day we met as we are in the same sorority.
Edit- I also shot their wedding at the last minute for free So we have a connection. lol

mikimoto6

I have one BIL and we are not super close. We are getting to now each other better, but I am optimistic that we will develop a strong relationship.