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Help!! (kinda long... sorry)

simbidisimbidi
First Comment
in African American Weddings
Ok, so I've mentioned that my sister and an old friend are my honor attendants.  Neither of them have asked me about my want or preference for any type of pre-wedding events or gatherings.  Not required on their part, so.... whatever.  My mother asks me what my sister is doing for me before the wedding and I tell her I don't know of anything.  All of a sudden, Mom asks if Friday night befpore the wedding is ok for a get-together of some sort.  I'm sure this was my mom's idea and not my sister's.  I am figuring that no one even asked my friend.

Anywhooo.  I told her I was available, but I didn't really want a shower or anything.  We need nothing for our home (except to furnish a few more rooms...lol).  I did tell her that hanging out for a little while would be nice.

So, I get an email with a mock-up of an invitation to take me to dinner. I was asked to proof it and make it pretty.  It is entitled A Fling Before the Ring.  It says "Let's take Lisa to dinner to celebrate her wedding, etc., etc."  She also asked for a guest list, which I provided.  I know my mom is not great on the computer, but...um..... shouldn't my sister be doing this proofing and editing?  Anyway, I put the wording she sent on a bridal dress background and sent it back to her.

Then, my phone rings... "Lisa. the way this is worded, do you think people will think we are paying for their meal?"  Huh????  Now I'm finding out that you are inviting my friends to an event that you appear to be hosting, but they need to bring money?  Oh boy.  I don't want to seem ungrateful and it's certainly not my place determine what is in people's budgets.  My sister, obviously, hadn't even though of doing any such thing, so here we are with trying to figure out how to word this so people know they'll have to kick in for the bill.  Again....... why am I involved in this? Is it me or is this ok to do?

Nevertheless, here I am asking my Knottie Sisters to help me with something that I shouldn't even be doing.  Here's the question:

What wording should be used on the invitation so it's clear that it's an invitation to gather, but not a hosted event?  Is there a line of small print that could go at the bottom?  What should it say?

This is what Mom sent.....

LET'S TAKE LISA TO DINNER

 TO CELEBRATE HER UPCOMING WEDDING

 xxx RESTAURANT

 ADDRESS in MD

 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2011

 7:00 P.M.

 RSVP: AUDREY 410 xxx-xxxx OR TINA 410 xxx-xxxx

 BY SEPTEMBER 2, 2011

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Re: Help!! (kinda long... sorry)

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    simbidisimbidi
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aw man.... checking back for answers.  Y'all left me hanging. Cry

    Now, I'm trying to think of a way to tell Mom that I appreciate the gesture without offending her.

    Help!!!
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    kittybuttonkittybutton
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    edited December 2011
    Mmm let's see, ummm I really don't know what to say. I agree that your guests shouldnt have to pay for their meal. But mom is tryna help by doing this for you because others have dropped the ball. Aren't moms great! Anywho, I don't know what to tell mom. I'm not much help,
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    hatroopeshatroopes member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe it's just me, but nothing on that invitation indicates that you will be getting a free meal. I'm always ready to pay for my own meal, unless the invitation indicates otherwise. Sorry - I know I'm no help :(
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    djscatdjscat
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    edited December 2011
    Be honest and tell your mom she needs to take this up with your sister and friend. But if that doesn't work.   IMHO I don't think it is okay to invite people to a dinner for a shower and expect them to pay.  I could be wrong but that is just me.  If your honors don't step up and do their duties suggest to your mom a gathering at someone's house with cake and punch served.  That should come out to less than what your mom, sister and friend would have paid for their dinners.  Even a potluck would be better than asking folks to pay for a meal at a restaurant they didn't have any say so in.  Hope this helps.   Good luck
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    simbidisimbidi
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies..... what a mess.  I'd rather just skip the whole thing!
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    alpresberryalpresberry
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't think we left you hanging, but I'm no help.  Sorry.  Well how many people are you inviting, maybe paying wouldn't be terribly expensive depending on where you are going.  You could have an abbreviated menu or do a brunch to help control the cost.
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    djscatdjscat
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:3ecd6482-a1c2-4629-9d13-4b2dae43116cPost:94690225-c1b4-464d-a052-47b574a624d7">Re: Help!! (kinda long... sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies..... what a mess.  I'd rather just skip the whole thing!
    Posted by simbidi[/QUOTE]

    Honey I'm sorry things went this way.  Hopefully things will work out before the actual event. (((HUGS)))
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    FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:3ecd6482-a1c2-4629-9d13-4b2dae43116cPost:820c9c43-a786-44a0-a1fd-e4d76aca5aa6">Re: Help!! (kinda long... sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Be honest and tell your mom she needs to take this up with your sister and friend. But if that doesn't work.   IMHO I don't think it is okay to invite people to a dinner for a shower and expect them to pay.  I could be wrong but that is just me.  If your honors don't step up and do their duties suggest to your mom a gathering at someone's house with cake and punch served.  That should come out to less than what your mom, sister and friend would have paid for their dinners.  Even a potluck would be better than asking folks to pay for a meal at a restaurant they didn't have any say so in.  Hope this helps.   Good luck
    Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I say go with this.  

    </div>
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    BaesmomBaesmom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with a potluck.. and yes, you should tell your mom that she should get with your sister and your friend since they are the ones that are supposed to be planning this for you.  Honestly, you really shouldnt plan your own bachelorette party.
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    Gift928Gift928
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    edited December 2011

    Sorry i didnt get to respond to this earlier. I agree with the potluck idea. If not can mom host it at her place, or somewhere where it doesnt have to be a dinner, but rather finger foods, sandwhiches, chicken wings... just small things

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    ThunderKitten2011ThunderKitten2011 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So glad I saw this post! My sister (and MOH) was planning my bridal shower for a restaurant where she was expecting guests to pay, I nixed that idea bcuz I don't think that you should invite guests (where they are expected to bring a gift) and expect them to pay. She was also leaving the other MOH and BM's out (I didn't know that) of the planning of it and they really wanted to be involved, so I put them on the task too. MOH is really pissed, but I also did not want to insult my guests that way. One BM threw out the potluck idea and having it at someone's yard as a BBQ, I am fine with that, it will be September and the weather hopefully will have cooled. I hope you guys can work around it and it all works out!
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    MarryingmyKnightMarryingmyKnight
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    edited December 2011
    Tell Mom you wanted a dinner but it didn't have to be at a resturant and someone cook dinner at their house.  Then you can enjoy it with everyone in a comfortable environment.  I hope it works out for you. 
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    MrsAllenToBe1123MrsAllenToBe1123
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would be honest and tell her you would feel uncomfortable having guests pay for their own meal. I think have a get-together with some home cooked food would be better IMO
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