African American Weddings
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Need Advice on a Sensitive Issue- LONG

I'm having a small dilemma, it may not even be that big of a deal, but I would like to get some advice.

Ok, last year I asked one my sorority sisters to be a bridesmaid in my wedding this August. A little background on her, she's a really nice, sweet person and I have know her for years. She always been there for me and always ready to help, so I thought that she would make a great bridesmaid. She's never been in a wedding, not even her own sister's wedding, and she was so excited when I asked her. 
All the bridesmaids got their dresses last August. She is overweight and she said being in the wedding was the motivation she needed to lose weight. We keep in touch on a regular basis and she said she was walking, counting calories etc and that she was losing weight. 

I saw her this January, and I couldn't really tell that she had lost weight because it was cold, she had on heavy clothes so i din't say anything. So I saw her this past weekend and she had on a sundress and she looks like she's gained maybe 40 pounds. I asked her was she still working out and everything and she said no because she's been depressed. So I asked her if the dress still fits and she said yes and she tried it on. It doesn't zip up anymore, you can't see the detail on the empire waist because her breasts are covering it up. She has the biggest size that this dress comes in. She said all she needed was a good bra and a girdle, but I don't think that's going to really make a difference.

 Now she's saying she's only going to eat 1500 calories a day and work out 7 days a week. I just don't think that's realistic for her to do in this short peroid of time. Her weight was not an issue for me when I asked her to be in the wedding, but she's gained so much. I know how hard it is to lose weight and stay motivated, and I don't want to hurt her feellings.

What do I do? I have 2 months left and this is a sensitive issue.

Re: Need Advice on a Sensitive Issue- LONG

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    edited December 2011
    Im sorry hun! Just be her motivation, thats all you can do. Its really hard when u battle with weight issues. However, if she cant fit the dress come August, I have no idea what she is going to do, esp if the dress doesnt come any bigger. Maybe she can get a Body Magic... GL and GL to your friend in the weightloss journey.
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    edited December 2011
    Well.... the only thing that you can do at this point is.... encourage her with her goal... If the dress doesnt fit by the wedding and you already have the largest size, you will have no choice but to sit her down.... Thats the only thing you can do... Maybe you can try to probe and find out what the cause of the depression was... If you seem interested in her issues... she may find additional motivation to try to lose this weight... We all know what a struggle weight loss is period... but at some point the situation has to be faced and discussed.... Let us know what happens.... and I'm sorry the both of you are faced with this... It can never be easy.
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    adgenyaadgenya member
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    edited December 2011

    This is definitely a sensitive issue. You don't want to seem pushy about the subject, but you also want to be supportive. It's also an issue that you have no control over. I guess I would just decide what you were going to do in the event that the dress doesn't fit. Are you going to allow her to purchase a different dress and still be in a wedding party, or just have her come as a guest?

     

    Also, I would definitely check up on her. If she's feeling depressed, she may need a supportive friend to help her get through this difficult period for her. Perhaps suggest counseling. 

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    edited December 2011

    This is indeed a sensitive subject.

    I agree with what pp have said. You mentioned she's been there for you so this is the time you have to be there for her. Trust me, she'll remember it (I remember every sacrifice folks make for me no matter how small).
    The first order of the day should be to tackle the cause of her depression. Be a friend and be supportive of her through this time.
    As time gets closer (no later than a month before the wedding), do a dress rehersal for the girls. Just say you want to see how things are all put together. It can be one on one so that she isn't judged by others. Then go from there. I am sure if the dress doesn't fit, she'll likely offer to either sit it out OR get a shawl or something to cover up.

    Goodluck and goodluck to your friend. I can imagine how difficult it is. I am battling my own demons with the weight thing and I know how I felt when our oh-so-crazy batty admin told me "Joy, you're getting fat!". So whatever you do, be very sensitive with her. I get the feeling that since you came here to ask, you are already a sensitive person so I know you'll be fine :-).

    BabyFetus Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice ladies. I will try to figure out what's going on with her and try to work out a solution. I want her to participate and if I ask her to be a guest she will be devastated. I do think she needs counseling just to deal with her family/childhood and relationship issues. Maybe she will work on getting herself together and I will be there to support her.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure of how close (distance) you too are but could you maybe workout WITH her.  That would definitely help. It's always easier to do something when you have someone to help you remain accountable. 
    He that findeth a wife, findeth a GOOD THING!! small2 small Photobucket
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    edited December 2011
    Definately talk to her about what is causing the depressed feelings.  As far as the dress, you could always have the shop order additional fabric to do alterations as needed.  GL to you and your Soror.
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