African American Weddings

Guest List Vent (warning kinda long)

Before I start venting about the guest list, I would like to first take this opportunity to vent about the knot's slow azz site.  It takes for-ever to load this board on the site.  It's probably because of this crazy, annoying video.  UGH! 

Anyways, back to the topic at hand...the guest list.  This is the biggest stressor of my life right now (the wedding planning part of my life, that is).  I cannot believe that I know this many freakin' people.  And I realize that it's not that I know so many people, it's my parents, my grandma, FI parents, FI grandparents.  They know a ton of people.  When I look back at my list, I've only invted like 12 of my friends out of almost 100 people!  And my grandma and mom's whole theory is, most of these people won't show up, you just have to invite them so that you don't hurt their feelings.  And I don't want to hurt any1's feelings, but I also don't want to not invite people that I really want to be there so that I can invite people that may or may not show up!  My venue is only large enough to really hold 100 people.  I have 96 people  on my list so far....and that's just my list.  I think my FI may want to invite some people too.  I'm just really stressing out.  And I'm trying to do the whole A list and B list thing, but the people that I'm inviting are all so connected.  If I invite this person and put them on the A list and put their relative on the B list, those people will know they are on the B list because they will get their invite later.  So, I can't do that.  All in all, I'm looking at 200 people that I will invite for a venue that can only comfortably hold 100 people indoors (there is a big front lawn that I can use).  My dad and grandma say I should just go "balls to the walls" and invite 200 people, because they won't show up anyways.  I just don't know.  What do you ladies think (sorry so long)?

Re: Guest List Vent (warning kinda long)

  • lca315girllca315girl member
    edited December 2011
    I know what you are going through. Our venue has a maximum capacity of 125 people and we at one point had 200 people on the list. I say go ahead and make an A and B list. if you were to go with your mom and grandma's theory, there is a chance that some of the people you are banking on not to show up, end up working their schedules out to make it to the wedding. If you know that you can live without having cousin Nook Nook at the wedding, then cut them off the list. HTH and GL.
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  • edited December 2011

    Now - an equally long response.... bear with me!

    1 - I agree, I hate the "upgrade" to the website.

    2 - Having a A & B list is tough. And I know what it is like to have EVERYBODY wanting to make their list for YOUR wedding. I did this. I wrote a list out - everybody that anybody could ever want to invite. People I didn't know, people I'd never met but know me thought pictures my mom took to work, ANYBODY. Then, I explained to my family that inviting this person is more than just food for them to eat, it is a place setting, menu card, linen, chair, program, etc. Once they understood that I couldn't afford to ball like they wanted nor did I have the venue space to fake the funk, they started to re-think the list. Then I had a "cut" party. The list went from 350 (unbelieveable) to 165 REAL quick. It was a little brutal and I still had people saying "well how much does it cost? Maybe I can give you something towards NayNay's plate". Umm... ma'm - I don't even know NayNay like that. You can show her some pictures when it is over. You know you are gonna put it on Facebook anyway!

    ALSO - I wouldn't bank on folks not showing up. People come out of the wood work for a wedding. People that I didn't expect to see are some of the 1st ones RSVPing.


    **that is the longest post I've ever written!!**

  • edited December 2011
    I absolutely feel you. Both our families are big and very connected.  When we started we had over 200 people on our list. We were and still are trying to get down to 140-150. My mom has the same theory. But when its comes down to it, I dont even want to stress about whether these people will show up. Because it will be just my luck that they will all come. So I dont want to chance it. We asked our moms for their must haves and then fi and I, a lone are cutingt the list down. We will definitely at some point in life have to apologize to some people  for not inviting them. But I truly believe that they will understand. We cant afford to pay for the entire family. And unless they want to put up for their plate, its not happening captain. lol Dont stress too hard, you are definitely not alone in this one.
  • edited December 2011
    Your venue only holds 100 people therefore I would skip inviting those that I'm trying to be nice to but not expecting to come.  I honestly don't think 100 people are gonna RSVP No to your wedding.  Invite the people you want there to share in your joy.  Are some people going to have hurt feelings?  Sure, but you can't please everyone.  IMHO if you're gonna do an A and B list start with the A list first and see  how many folks you have on that list and let that determine whether you would be able to invite extra.  Weddings are expensive and couple that with limited space means that unfortunately not everyone's gonna get to come.  GL with everything!  I know it'll work out for ya!   
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  • adgenyaadgenya member
    edited December 2011
    I feel you on both the slow knot and the guest list. I definitely wouldn't invite 200 if your venue only holds 100. That's asking for trouble. My mom gave a list to my bro/sister-in-law of "people that wouldn't come" and guest what, the majority of them showed up! 

    I'd sit with you and your fiance and come up with a list of people you want to invite. Then from there, give your parents and in-laws a number of people they can invite. For all the people who you would be inviting out of courtesy, just send them wedding announcements after the wedding.  
  • Vanessa AVanessa A member
    edited December 2011
    I'm kinda living this nightmare but with a bit of ease. We invited more than our initial ballroom could hold thinking the ppl from our jobs prob wouldn't come and the "old couple we see every once in a while" would prob appreciate the invite but wouldn't come. Oddly enough, these people were some of the first to RSVP to a wedding that's over 100 miles away from them. What's saving me is the ballroom I really wanted became available on my date (initial ballroom held 150 max) so now the larger ballroom holds 170 in the floor design i love, but if we need to add more people (190 max invited), then there are alternate table plans we can use (ditching the round tables for long royal table plan; also making the dance floor smaller if needed). Check to see if your venue offer alternate table plans to accommodate more ppl. At this time, that my only back up plan, but honestly, although they RSVP, I don't really think everyone from my job will show. Also, the hotel reserves the right to accomodate all the guest so once the final head count is in, if they need to put us in a larger ballroom, they will, @ the extra cost (I'm praying it doesn't come to this and w/ 190 ppl, it shouldn't) Hope this helps; Good luck!!
  • tamtam7tamtam7 member
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies soooooo much!  You rock!  I really appreciate you taking the time to read my long azz post and responding.  I agree with you guys, I may just have to hurt some feelings.  My FI and I were just talking about this guest list.  It is a constant headache.  I need a glass of wine!
  • desi2002desi2002 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Tam Tam!
    Don't stress! I think you should cut the list down b4 u start sending invites cause if u invite 200 people, chances are 150 will show and thats too many. HTH!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic me and my daddy
  • edited December 2011
    I'm going through the same thing with the guest list right now. My family is HUGE and I don't speak to half of them so I feel like I shouldn't have to invite them. I see them once a year or once every 2 years. I have decided to invite the people that I have the most activity with. My mom gets to invite a certain amount because she is helping to fund the wedding, my dad doesn't get any invites. My FI has a handful of family and others are his friends' It is frustrating especially when you have a strict budget to work with
    Lovin Kimmie
  • edited December 2011

    I'm in the heat of RSVP hell right now... so, I'm soooooo feeling you on this. I gave in and invited everyone and am just hoping that they don't all show up. Bad decision? Well, it wasn't the best, but it's working out. Our wedding is on Presidents Day (a Monday) and it's turning out that the folks we absolutely KNEW wouldn't miss this for the world aren't coming and the people that we sent invites to just to be curtious are flying halfway around the world (literally, my FI invited an Uncle from England, just to be nice and he's coming... with 6 additional people. So, if you can take the heat, get to cutting!

    Oh, and one other thing... Be prepared for people to call and ask if they can bring more people. UGH!!! I went to the trouble of completing each Reception Card with the number of seats each person was allowed... and we're still getting calls (mostly from family) saying, "I know you only put 2 seats on here.... but I need 4 more."

    The guest list is a lose-lose... sorry Foot in mouth Just gotta decide if this a battle you want to fight or if there's another on the horizon that is more important to you.

    Stay strong, girl!

  • KooKoo4QuincyKooKoo4Quincy member
    edited December 2011
    Tam Tam I agree don't sweat the guest list. My FI and I are doing our own guest list and that's dat on that!!! LOL. I believe he is worse than me cutting ppl out of our wedding celebration... He has started cutting ppl out of "MY" bridal party b/c he don't want this, this & this person in our wedding....I was like "hold up bruh" LOL!!!!

    We didn't give our parents nor grandparents the option of inviting their friends...WE are paying for OUR Wedding therefore, we are only inviting the ppl we are close too.  Our max is 150. So far we only have 64 ppl.

    We are doing His list & My list. The mutual friends are instant invites.

    Good luck and Happy Cutting!!! Wink
  • pretteonepretteone member
    edited December 2011
    Living a similar nightmare...try 294 and counting!!! My FI and I both come from HUGE families AND killing part is we're all close, so it makes it hard to "cut" people from the list.  Someone will get slighted, but as much as I hate to do it, someone will probably get left out.  My hope is that some contact me saying they can't make it so I won't have to decide who to cut and who not to cut! Ugghhhh....this by far is the worst/hardest part of planning.  I love my family (and his)! Wish we could afford to have everyone there, but I'm not sure that we can do it! 294 is the number after the third cut! lol Help me lawd!!! lol
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  • edited December 2011
    Good luck...We initially capped our guest list at 200 people. Right now we are at 244 and counting...

    Happy Cutting!
  • kkidd28kkidd28 member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hope this helps.  My FMIL gave me a list of 92 family members and we only want 150 in the reception due to the cost.  When I went through the list with my fiance, he cut out 8 people - LOL!  So here is my compromise.  We will have finger foods and cake at the church right after the ceremony and the reception at the hotel an hour later.  This way we dont have to hurt anyone's feelings :-)!  Anyone asking will be told we're just having a small reception later......It was the only way since I would still like to invite my own friends & family!


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