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African American Weddings

Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.

Thanks to Facebook people sure love to keep the drama going. My cousin announced on FB this past weekend that he was engaged. He just graduated from hs and will be 18 in the fall. Wth? All hell broke loose when my mom saw his FB status. She sent him a message aswell his father, my cousin, asking about this crap. This young man wa scheduled to attend college oot this Fall and my aunt, his grandmother is working(semi retired) so her grandson could attend college. That ungrateful little (you fill it in).

Well he met this girl some months back. She's 18, currently preggo not his and he wants to marry her. Where's her baby's daddy at? Come to find out the girl did not graduate because she was kicked out of school. My cousin moved out his maternal grandmother's house to now live with this girl and her momma. Her mom is okay and just love my cousin because he helps out. He works at McDonalds! That buys alot of burgers but not pampers. See, I blame his daddy and momma because this boy have been raised in 3 different households as a young kid. My aunt, his paternal grandmother, maternal grandmother and maternal aunt took him in.

So his dad went off on FB telling him he need to focus on college and leave this girl alone. Why did this little kid, tell his daddy FU?! My mom sent him a note telling him, no matter what you still respect your parents. My cousin was furious and said he was no longer his son! Well, I've been sending him messages for the past few days as his concerned older cousin. I was not hollering or trying to belittle him but really trying to reason with him. Well today, he sent me a message about  he's grown(remember only 17) and we need to support him and back him up and he can do whatever he please. Oh no........you don't talk to me like that! I was genuinely concerned about this kid. I told him shame on you, and I have nothing else to say. I kindly removed him from my fb list and sent his daddy a message. I told my aunt that her grandson will not be invited to my wedding next September. I was actually being nice since my wedding is Adult Only and he would be 18 at that time. I really want only 21 and up due to the alcohol factor. I will not be inviting 2 extra kids(him and his supposedly to be wife) to my wedding. This kid need to get a reality check soon!!!


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Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.

  • edited December 2011
    WOW! Your little cousin is tripping, especially to curse out his father.
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  • edited December 2011
    WOW...this is pure drama!! I pray this kid figures things out for himself before its to late!! 
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  • miah_23_ncbmiah_23_ncb member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    he has lost his mine talkign to ppl like that. it seems like he is going to have to learn his lesson on his own. if anything i would encourage him to go to school PT at the community college where he will be living because it sounds his head is too hard.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-17yo-getting-marriedi-less-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:561f5a19-b375-4097-b6ce-1ef68e15318bPost:78b073b7-503a-4b6a-b1e1-0c31e9e95545">Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.</a>:
    [QUOTE]he has lost his mine talkign to ppl like that. it seems like he is going to have to learn his lesson on his own. if anything i would encourage him to go to school PT at the community college where he will be living because it sounds his head is too hard.
    Posted by miah_23_ncb[/QUOTE]


    No, because he wants to stay here with that little girl. My aunt is taking on the responsibility of his loans and fiancial aide since he is under 22 or 23. He would be using his student loan and stuff to take care of that girl and the baby. He need to go oot, atleast he will be away from that girl.


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  • KMB611KMB611 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    17 is way to young to get married. He's still a kid! He needs to apologize to his father; you don't curse out your parents.
  • edited December 2011

    That whole situation seems off. Why is he so concerned about taking care of someone else's child? Did he say that he will no longer be attending college because he plans to marry? Was he getting married right away or after a few years? Sorry for all the extra questions I am just slightly confused as to why he will no longer be going to college. Or maybe I read wrong and he still is? I dont know.

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  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
     I don't know what it is but when people hit that 17/18 and graduate high school it's like something clicks and they get that I'm grown you can't tell me what to do attitude. All I can say is just back off and let him see for himself the mistake he is making. I learned this with my 19 year old sister. For the past year she has been going crazy!!! Everybody kept trying to tell her this or that and she would just say I'm grown well now she's proving how grown she is because she is legally married now (happened about a week ago) and having her wedding this weekend.

    You all his family, no matter how bad it hurts and you don't want to see him ruin his life, have to let him do what he is big enough to do. If he big enough to disrespect people and marry this girl, then let him. God will make it to where he will have to come back and apologize and realize the mistake he is making. Especially with his education and life.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-17yo-getting-marriedi-less-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:561f5a19-b375-4097-b6ce-1ef68e15318bPost:1eaadfca-9380-4d5e-90a2-092f600c6279">Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't know what it is but when people hit that 17/18 and graduate high school it's like something clicks and they get that I'm grown you can't tell me what to do attitude. All I can say is just back off and let him see for himself the mistake he is making. I learned this with my 19 year old sister. For the past year she has been going crazy!!! Everybody kept trying to tell her this or that and she would just say I'm grown well now she's proving how grown she is because she is legally married now (happened about a week ago) and having her wedding this weekend. You all his family, no matter how bad it hurts and you don't want to see him ruin his life, have to let him do what he is big enough to do. If he big enough to disrespect people and marry this girl, then let him. God will make it to where he will have to come back and apologize and realize the mistake he is making. Especially with his education and life.
    Posted by prncsz[/QUOTE]


    My mom is constantly putting stuff on his wall about praying for him and not letting Satan get ahold to him. He has pissed me off with I'm grown lingo. He can't even vote right now. I refuse to pay for a disrespectful kid and his "wife" at my wedding. Time will tell. Hopefully he realize that soon!


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-17yo-getting-marriedi-less-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:561f5a19-b375-4097-b6ce-1ef68e15318bPost:71cb2cb6-0548-4aac-acc2-de392c54e91e">Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.</a>:
    [QUOTE]That whole situation seems off. Why is he so concerned about taking care of someone else's child? Did he say that he will no longer be attending college because he plans to marry? Was he getting married right away or after a few years? Sorry for all the extra questions I am just slightly confused as to why he will no longer be going to college. Or maybe I read wrong and he still is? I dont know.
    Posted by hisSparklett[/QUOTE]

    He no longer wants to go oot for college but trying to stay here and attend a jr. college. He wants to stay home to live with this girl. My aunt is the cosigner on his loans and things. He will just be using her money to take care of this girl, and plus my aunt is concerned about the girl being his spouse might be able to use my aunt's info as his cosigner to take out loans for herself, his soon to be wife. I told him to wait till after college but from what I got from him, He is trying to marry her soon; like by the end of the year.


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  • edited December 2011
    I understand that you and your family are hurt but I can see how he is feeling attacked by everyone and no one wants to feel that way because of decisions they are making whether someone thinks they are intelligent or not.  I would not cross him off the guess list because he is not agreeing with you, but pehaps I'm not remembering why you took him off but from what I believer I read he said somethin like he can make his own choices and he can so to take him off the list because he told the truth is wrong in my opinion.  Its sounds like a big mess and probably is but everyone is saying he's stupid or dumb and ungrateful and that's not right either especially on face book where everyone can see it so of course he's going to be angry and hurt and lash out. I would because he's being attacked. I'm sure no one is intentionally doing that but that is what is happening and none of us would want to feel that way because we are doing something that does not agree with others.  I think he needs to be told by anyone that they feel he's making a mistake but you still support him, he's not braking the law he's getting married to a girl who's pregnant by someone else. Sounds dumb and immature which he is but he's not going to listen to someone putting him down. He needs to know you and the rest will be there for him if and it most likely will fall apart.  People do get married very young but if you are old enough to join the military and fight in a war you're old enough to make the decision to get married to whomever you want.  My aunt will be 54 in august and has been married since she was 18 to the same person, my uncle has been with my aunt in law since he was 19 and he's 60. 50% of marriages end in divorce regarless of our ages so don't be too hard on him and think how you would feel.  On the cursing father thing, I'm not perfect but I probably would have also because from what you stated he was raised by everyone but him so he's a sperm donor and in my opinion has no right to say anything and I am a firm believer in never disrespecing parents but to me he's not a parent. 
  • edited December 2011

    I think your cousin will someday wise up to the situation...I haven't read everyone's responses so maybe this has been said. My concern is that he realize that this is not his child and protect himself legally against being obligated to take care of the child financially should he and this young lady marry and later part ways. I don't know the laws, but it is something to look into...

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  • edited December 2011
    Mahoganie, I'm so sorry to hear of this circumstance and it is really saddening....
    and we hope and pray that cousin regains his senses,,,eventually....
    I keep telling folks... FB is evil!!!! 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-17yo-getting-marriedi-less-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:561f5a19-b375-4097-b6ce-1ef68e15318bPost:ad4745e3-416d-4e77-ac0d-565b1b05791a">Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mahoganie, I'm so sorry to hear of this circumstance and it is really saddening.... and we hope and pray that cousin regains his senses,,,eventually.... I keep telling folks... FB is evil!!!! 
    Posted by MAGNUM06[/QUOTE]


    LMAO...so true!


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-17yo-getting-marriedi-less-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:561f5a19-b375-4097-b6ce-1ef68e15318bPost:a0c13613-9d36-4a2f-abaf-9d9937b8310d">Re: Vent: 17y/o getting married....I less guest on my list.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand that you and your family are hurt but I can see how he is feeling attacked by everyone and no one wants to feel that way because of decisions they are making whether someone thinks they are intelligent or not.  I would not cross him off the guess list because he is not agreeing with you, but pehaps I'm not remembering why you took him off but from what I believer I read he said somethin like he can make his own choices and he can so to take him off the list because he told the truth is wrong in my opinion.  Its sounds like a big mess and probably is but everyone is saying he's stupid or dumb and ungrateful and that's not right either especially on face book where everyone can see it so of course he's going to be angry and hurt and lash out. I would because he's being attacked. I'm sure no one is intentionally doing that but that is what is happening and none of us would want to feel that way because we are doing something that does not agree with others.  I think he needs to be told by anyone that they feel he's making a mistake but you still support him, he's not braking the law he's getting married to a girl who's pregnant by someone else. Sounds dumb and immature which he is but he's not going to listen to someone putting him down. He needs to know you and the rest will be there for him if and it most likely will fall apart.  People do get married very young but if you are old enough to join the military and fight in a war you're old enough to make the decision to get married to whomever you want.  My aunt will be 54 in august and has been married since she was 18 to the same person, my uncle has been with my aunt in law since he was 19 and he's 60. 50% of marriages end in divorce regarless of our ages so don't be too hard on him and think how you would feel.  On the cursing father thing, I'm not perfect but I probably would have also because from what you stated he was raised by everyone but him so he's a sperm donor and in my opinion has no right to say anything and I am a firm believer in never disrespecing parents but to me he's not a parent. 
    Posted by drjewell[/QUOTE]


    When he posted, I put on his status, "what about school?" Now others said some things but we also as a family just sent private messages between us and not for all of fb to read. I was not rude towards him and sent him pm between just us two. I just tried to talk to him truthfully and make him understand what he would be giving up and that he deserves more. Did I mention the fiance was kicked out of hs so she did not graduate? What could she actually offer him besides sex? When his tone got smart with me, I had to remove myself from the convo and that's why I took him off my friends list. That kid was about to make me go there! Until he apologize to me, I don't owe him nothing......not a meal, a favor or invitation. That's a 17 y/o kid talking like a grown man to me.


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  • edited December 2011

    Please do not think that I am critizing you personally because I am not but now that you gave even more its a little easier for me to say that though you did not say or talk to him crazy others did like you said so he is on the defensive so by the time you came around you were the enemy as well.  This does not excuse his behavior and he owes you an apology but we have all said something we shouldn't have to someone and if everyone we did that too shut us out we probably would have no friends, fiance's or family because we are not perfect.  A hard ass makes a soft ass as you know so he will fall on his butt just as we all have before but one of the things he did not do was ask for anyone opinions on what he was doing he just informed us.  I have a 17 year old daughter who will be 18 at the end of the month, praise the Lord she has done nothing like this or has ever given me any problems but she does think she knows everything, me, my mother, my brothers knows she's nuts and knows nothing but its the age.  As a mother and for you as a family member to your cousin you want the best for them but they have to live their own life as you live your own.  My daughter and I have a great relationship and talk about everything but she has a mind of her own that does not line up with how I feel things should be for her all the time but I say to myself I know I have taught her the best that I can and still am but I have to let her live her own life and as long as she believes she is happy that is all that counts because she has to be happy with herself, she's happy I'm happy, I didn't say I like it but its not my life its hers.  The young lady he is suppose to be marrying was kicked out of school, she will one day hopefully get it together but she is also young and immature but your education level does not define your character.  You are hurt because you were genuinely coming to him with caring and love and you can not deal with him if you chose but I think once you get past your hurt you may feel differently and remember its not about you.  Again please do not think I am trying to offend you and hope that I have not I'm just trying to tell you from a different and possibly older standpoint(don't know your age).  Sometimes we just need to keep our mouth shut about some things, if you read the bible the prodical son will return but if we shut them out who will they have to return to when he's ready to admit he's been a fool?

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