African American Weddings
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Everything has me rethinking.. (Kinda Long)

Okay. I have my moments when Im excited and moments when I just want it to be over.  When we initially got engaged and had a sit down with my parents I told them that I wanted a small intimate ceremony with about 50-60 people at the house and that we could rent a tent to place in the backyard. My father wasnt for it.  he said that was too small and that we need to invite more people. I gave into that because I wasnt paying for the wedding, my parents were. Now with everything needing to come together within these five months it is getting more hectic.  My main frustration is the FI.  Not that I dont want to marry him but Im ready to scrap everything and just elope.  Its like whenever I put something before him or ask for him to do something Im finding myself having to repeatedly tell him or pull teeth to get him to see my point.  He doesnt see any point in having a photographer or videographer.  I was like okay I can forego a videographer but we need pictures. I dont want to rely on memories for the rest of my life.  Ive tried showing price comparisons and all to justify choosing a photographer.  Heck in making a craigslist add I got every price range and was able to find a deal that was great. I enjoyed their pictures not a fan of their video work.....AND THE CRAZY THING IS A WHOLE DAY PACKAGE FOR VIDEO AND PICS IS ONLY $900!!! WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?!? THATS THE BEST DEAL I HEARD THUS FAR! (FYI: Budget bride)
So I tell FI this and he gives me this rant of I dont care if others charge 2500 and this person is only charging 500 money is still being spent where it doesnt need to be. 
I WANT PICTURES! Im like jeez nothing is going right and in time with how I pictured it should. Crazy thing is for the past two weeks Ive had wedding dreams where there is only a day left to the wedding and nothing is done. No vendors. Only a reception venue with table cloths and chair covers. I had no dress, no hair no make-up... NOTHING! My biggest fear is my dream coming true.
To top it off, everyone just just seems very chill. I dont even have a definite on groomsmen. FI's brother and cousin keep telling him their not sure. Im like this is not a time to not be sure, its either a yes or no.  Bridesmaid, well all except one are slacking on getting measurements so that I can order their dresses. I gave them a deadline of tomorrow. Hopefully they have it all by then otherwise they will be ordering on their own and paying the delivery fee. My parents have this mindset that everything will work dont worry. But Im like if we wait till the last minute it wont. 
Thanks for reading this. Reaching this point Im now in tears and God just told me to pray so Im about to do that.

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Re: Everything has me rethinking.. (Kinda Long)

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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Girl, I am so sorry you're stressed out.  I understand how hard this whole wedding planning thing can be - it can definitely get overwhelming.  Quick question - if your parents are paying for the wedding are they okay with spending $900 on photography and videography?  If so, then maybe you can tell FI that since your parents are paying and you all would like tangible memories of the day, you are going to move forward with this vendor.  Maybe you can find a nicer way to say that - but I'm just trying to understand FI's point about spending the money when your parents are paying for it.  Please correct me if I'm wrong here.
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear that your going thru this. We all go thru this at some point during the wedding planning process. Planning a wedding can be very stressful at times, especially when your getting input from others about how your wedding should be or not be.
    I would plan a date night with you and your FI and talk about your feelings in regards to the wedding and see if you can come up with a resolution. You want to make sure you are heard and hear what he has to say and see if you can meet in the middle.  Once you and FI are set with what your vision is I would say sit with your parents and explain it to them.
    In regards to the groomsmen dont sweat it,  the bridal party does not have to match on each side. All that really matters is that you are gonna marry the man of your dreams.
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    edited December 2011
    As Cincy said, if your parents are paying for everything then many these conversations should be had with them instead of FI.  One thing you have to remember is that many men are not as interested in the details as we are.  Generally they want to know where and what time to show up, and what they're wearing (you may even have to pick this out!).  I would suggest having a talk and ask your FI two questions: 1) is he really committed to getting married (which your are sure is), and 2) what aspects of the wedding are important to him.  I had this conversation with my FI early on and it saved me a lot of grief because I knew which decisions to include him and which he really didn't give a flying fig about.  So when it came to the location, the flavor of the groom's cake and somewhat what he was wearing, FI was very attentive.  As for the color scheme, the photographer, flowers, food, etc.  I didnt' even discuss with him until I made the decison and I just told him who the vendors were, etc.

    HTH
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry you are feeling down right now. Your FI's behavior towards wedding stuff is normal, but I understand how frustrating it could be. Maybe you could have a serious heart-to-heart with your FI about how you feel about everything and ask him how he feels about things as well.

    Hope it gets better for you!
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    sadou02sadou02 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @cincy and banks69.... I've just always wanted to make him feel included. My parents are paying for it.  But I can understand where he is coming from with regards to money spent.  At times I feel horrible with planning this wedding because since he is not from here he won't have many of his friends and family members present.  So the guilt in my mind makes me want him to have as much input in everything.
    I think I may just let him know the final decisions and just plan and choose on my own.

    Thanks for the advice ladies.
    image139 Made the list!
    image 107 Are ready to party!
    image 32 Will be missing out!
    image 0 Are getting on my nerves!
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