Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?

mahoganieyes

This might happen....lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtBJfYGB22Y&feature=related

mikimoto6

Abosolutely Not!  They are in your past for a reason. Leave them be.  

Kedeisha8

hot mess

teamUS2012

Most of my exes are in my past because we weren't right for each other, not because there's something wrong with them. I'm still friends with every ex I've had from HS to college into my 30s, except one. But unfortunately, my FI agrees with Mikimoto so only one of them will be invited. I'm ok with that. I'd love for all my friends to be there, including the exes, but I'm choosing my battles and this one isn't worth it.

mikimoto6

I didn't have any bad breakups, but I just don't believe that people can be purely friends with people after they've been involved with them romantically.  Instead of trying to create artificial boundaries that come with these new friendships, I would rather just end that chapter of my life and move on.  I know that I tend to be in the minority on this topic, but that is my opinion.  

faithlady

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_anyone-inviting-ex-bf-gf-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:5e33548e-103e-4fc7-9190-6e2e45e9d2fbPost:a214034f-e073-44b8-880c-265c04051655">Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't have any bad breakups, but I just don't believe that people can be purely friends with people after they've been involved with them romantically.  Instead of trying to create artificial boundaries that come with these new friendships, I would rather just end that chapter of my life and move on.  I know that I tend to be in the minority on this topic, but that is my opinion.  
Posted by mikimoto6[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree.</div>

Ksk2012

Nope! Not a one invited!! The same goes for him!

teamUS2012

I'm also hoping FI will agree to invite his ex-wife. Their son will be in the wedding, so I think she should be invited as a courtesy. Plus, I want to do our best to keep things as friendly as we can. I'm sure she won't come, but I think it will be nice to ask her if she'd like to.

nicknuttnc

I agree with PP. I can not say we will not invite our ex. Since we have children by our previous relationships and we are all okay with each other. We have Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house and everyone comes and have a good time. Our exs are married and have moved on and it has been 12+ years since anything have went on with them. I want to keep on good terms with them because we have to deal with each other for the rest of our children lives. They have been told and are okay with wedding and wishes us the best. For my wedding it is a blending of our lives and families. No matter what happens in my life my ex, his wife, and kids are a part of my kids which make them a part of me also.

I think if you have bad blood with the ex then they should not be invited. You do not want anything to be a disruption to your day.

teamUS2012

Yeah, I couldn't have said it better myself.

I wouldn't invite anyone - ex or not - with whom my FI is uncomfortable, and I wouldn't invite anyone that I don't love and have a great relationship with. That goes for exes, family, friends, co-workers, church members, etc. I'm only inviting people that I truly love, and I've maintained good, solid relationships with almost all my exes, so to me, it's really not a big deal. Most of them are married now or engaged or involved, so there's no threat (and there wouldn't be a threat even if they were single... lol). Like I said, FI isn't cool with it, so I'm choosing my battles wisely, but if he were okay with it, I'd invite all my exes. They're my friends. *shrug*

nitaashanti78

Nope, think I'll pass on inviting the exes!  I am cool with all of them except one, but I don't think we're THAT cool, LOL.

That video was tragic, lol.  She had to be real bold to stand up and say that about that woman at her wedding!  She should have known she was going to catch a beatdown for that!

TNMurray

I am cool with all my ex's but I didn't invite any. DH only has one ex and that s his son's mother. My SIL was playing security guard at the door just incase she decided to show up. I was lol when she told me her plans. 

PrettyCW5

oh wow! I'm not inviting exes. We're cool but we don't speak to each other enough that I'd consider inviting them. One has asked to come to the wedding though. lol  FI said No to that!

teamUS2012

Oh I forgot to watch the video.

wallacje

Why would you invite an ex, waste of a meal, invite an extra family member IMO.

teamUS2012

How is it a waste of a meal if the guest is your friend?

Sophia1913

I wouldn't dream of inviting any exes and neither would he.  I'm not cool with a single one of them but even if I were, I feel like they are an ex for a reason and need to left in the past but that's just me.

nicknuttnc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_anyone-inviting-ex-bf-gf-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:5e33548e-103e-4fc7-9190-6e2e45e9d2fbPost:cb57a667-58a3-4813-b924-4ae4d7702f81">Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't dream of inviting any exes and neither would he.  I'm not cool with a single one of them but even if I were, I feel like they are an ex for a reason and need to left in the past but that's just me.
Posted by Sophia1913[/QUOTE]


I think this is true if you are not connected to them with anything in your present. I know when you have outside children with someone, then they are not your past. I am friendly with my ex because we have children, and they are going to have a new parent in their lives. We all are in each other lives because we need to parent as a whole entity. I do not feel I am wasting a meal on a person that gave me joys of life. Sometimes we as couples do not get along, but we do better as friends and parents.

wallacje

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_anyone-inviting-ex-bf-gf-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:5e33548e-103e-4fc7-9190-6e2e45e9d2fbPost:5438b221-f957-440c-beea-c88032728a9f">Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]How is it a waste of a meal if the guest is your friend?
Posted by teamUS2012[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be friends with an ex, they are just that an ex.

But if you and your FI feel comfortable with them being there, go for it.

teamUS2012

Once again, I agree with you Nicknuttnc.

I can't imagine going through Google search to try to find the contact info of an ex so I can invite him to my wedding. I'm not talking about people who are in my "past." I'm talking about beloved friends, who also happen to be my exes. Some of them go to my church or are in my organization, or work with me, or live near me or whatever. These aren't random people from 10 years ago that I would have to bend over backwards to find a phone number for. These are the guys whose homes I'm invited to for 4th of July cookouts, the guys who invite me to their birthday dinners hosted by their wives, the guys who look out for me when I'm sick or whatever. These are friends.

But I do understand not wanting to include anyone who would make you or your FI uncomfortable on your wedding day, or anyone who is truly in your past, or anyone from whom you had a bad breakup. My exes don't fit into any of those categories.

ETA Nicknuttnc instead of PP

nicknuttnc

I agree with you should not do anything to disrupt your wedding. If you are friends with the ex then it makes a dinner. Our ex are not random people but was the people that came to my hospital room on the 10/3 when I had a heart catheterization and told us I am to mean to die. Or was at my home after surgery making me laugh with their wives, when I felt like crap. They are counted on like all friends are in my life. They have know me since I was little to the beautiful women I have grown into. I was in their wedding as well as my kids. So, why not. It would not feel like a party without my ex doing the Mc Hammer's typewriter.

teamUS2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_anyone-inviting-ex-bf-gf-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:5e33548e-103e-4fc7-9190-6e2e45e9d2fbPost:9a2ec52e-8b42-4f40-b078-a20c27fa143b">Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding? : I wouldn't be friends with an ex, they are just that an ex. But if you and your FI feel comfortable with them being there, go for it.
Posted by wallacje[/QUOTE]

Well then yeah, that would definitely be a waste of a meal if you're inviting someone that's not a true friend (or relative).

wallacje

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_anyone-inviting-ex-bf-gf-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:5e33548e-103e-4fc7-9190-6e2e45e9d2fbPost:f2911684-1b00-4861-88ee-9e0c2191d2e7">Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone inviting ex bf or gf to the wedding? : Well then yeah, that would definitely be a waste of a meal if you're inviting someone that's not a true friend (or relative).
Posted by teamUS2012[/QUOTE]

In your post above, it would totally make sense to invite them though and of course feed them. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

djscat

My Fi has a BFF who is his ex.  They were friends then dated realized that they were better off friends.  I was skeptical at first but over time I got to know her and I actually really like her.  She has a man, a new baby and truly has no interest in my FI.  They dated over 10 years ago and FI was up front with who she was from day one. I say as long as they don't try to hide that they dated its cool.  Funny thing is she is a wedding planner and I had to draw the line with her planning my wedding.  Umm no baby I got this. LOL

mahoganieyes

Everyone I posted this video about the crazy ex. Pretty sure we all had one or know someone that had one. I posted this on my FB and my cousin's wife commented and told me about an ex of my cousin(her hubby) that was at the wedding. She was upset and evidentually had some issues with this lady and the relatives that invited her.

I know my DH told me his ex gf from highschool(over 10yrs) asked was she invited. He told her hell no! Personally, not sure why she thought it would be okay with me. Fb friends does not wedding invite!

prncsz

Definitely was not an option for us. But I understand those who have children and you and your FI have a great relationship with the children's mother/father and they are not still messing with each other. It's when people are not being truthful in situations like the one posted where you get mess and when people just can't let go.

M1ssJ

I'm inviting 2 of my ex boyfriends. One is actually playing the sax for us during the ceremony. They are good friends of mine and my FI doesnt mind. His exFI ....no