African American Weddings
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what are people going to say??????

Hi Ladies,
Is it me or do you think that us (meaning black people) care too much about what people think. Since we have started that wedding planning, all the decisions are being taken based on what people are goin to say or think? Isn't supposed to be about us and just us and what we can afford and we can afford and sitll have a decent, fun wedding? I am not having a cheap wedding but at the same time, I don't want to break the bak because I am obsessed with what people are going to say. Sorry, just needed to vent!!!!!

Re: what are people going to say??????

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    edited December 2011
    Lawd, hab mercy! *waving my church fan*

    Thank you for posting this. Yes, most AA do care too much about people will think and base decisions on if "we" do it. Do what you want. No one is paying for that wedding BUT you and your FI, so who cares what they think? I don't care what anyone thinks and people think I'm a rebel by saying that. WTH?

    I want a short dress.....oh lawd.Nooooo! Has to be long!
    I don't want a big traditional wedding with reception!..... Noooo, you have to feed those people and everyone you have ever known in your life HAS to come!
    I don't want a wedding party.....Nooooo. You will really NOT be married.

    LMAO! As you can tell, it irritates me too.
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    TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Forget what people have to say!!!

    This is YOUR day...no matter what, people are going to have something to say.

    Please do NOT make your decisions based on what you feel people will say.

    Dont worry about competing with FI brother...

    From what I have been reading, you are putting you and your FI on the backburner and focusing on everyone else...STOP IT! You will drive yourself INSANE!!!

    Do what you and FI want to do.

    No matter what, people WILL have something to say and you just have to let it roll of your shoulder.

    Dont cause any unnecessary stress...PLEASE DONT!!!
    AAW June 2011 Siggy Challenge : "Daddy and Me"

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    Wedding Planning Blog (Updated 10/18/10)

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    edited December 2011
    I ditto our wonderful new mod. Well said !!!!
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that we do think too much about other people's opinions! I think though that as a culture we are brought up this way and it is ingrained in our minds from a young age! (anyone ever heard the phrase "WHAT would your grandmother say")... Many times, its what would people we love and respect think....and weddings definitely bring out EVERYONE's opinion. I think this is a great opportunity for us as to-be-married couples to flex our age and maturity a little bit and cause our parents/grandparents/godparents to finally SEE us as adults...we have opinions (and a PAYCHECK that WE are using for OUR day) and will probably be a chance for us to change their views of us :) (At least I'm hoping!) 
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone.  AA do worry way too much about what other folks think yet have little to no desire to assist in the preparations or finances.  I could care less about what other folks think.  And when other folks make suggestions for what they think should be included in OUR wedding, I suggest they make it happen, politely :-)

    Our wedding will take place 8 am on a Saturday morning with a breakfast reception.  Some folks have said to me, "wow, that's so early. can't you move it to abotu 10?"  To which I respond, "I would be disappointed if you were unable to come but I would certainly understand. "  I'm not tossing a bouquet, we're not jumping a broom, and folks will not be throwing anything at us upon our departure.  Some people don't like it but it's OUR wedding.

    Can you tell that this topic irritates me, too?
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    Panda16Panda16 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're having a DW which is probably one of the biggest no,no's among traditional people. At first, I gave a darn... I don't anymore. Whoever wants to show, will. And I will make sure they have a great time. It's not my issue to care anymore about what others think and it shouldn't be yours either.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree!!! My hubby and I are sooo non-traditional it's going to be hilarious when people come. When people do say something like, why are you doing that, you're supposed to_ . I just say- who said that? Who made that rule? People usually get quiet after that.
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    TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @Tameric - LOL!
    AAW June 2011 Siggy Challenge : "Daddy and Me"

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    Wedding Planning Blog (Updated 10/18/10)

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    tamtam7tamtam7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know that I care way too much about what others think about everything going on in my life.  And I need to get a grip.  Maybe it is a cultural thing.  Because like I know that I worry a lot about what the people I work with think about me.  What I say, If I'm coming across as being "too angry", if I wear my hair a certain way will the fire me because they think that I'm going to start a revolution.   And I know that it is because my parents have always taught me that I have to work extra hard to compete in this world.  And there's always this thing of combatting these negative images projected in society about us.  So, I guess culturally we feel like we're always under a microscope in many aspects of our lives and we constantly have to impress others.  One thing I don't worry about doing though is impressing people with how much money I spend...'cause I don't have any damn money.  So, my wedding is going to be cheap....real cheap!  And that's ok, because my family know that Misha ain't spending a lot of money on shyyyyt.  So they can get it out of their system right now.  So to the best of your abilities try not to stress over what others think.  Just enjoy your day.
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    TINAMMTINAMM member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    By us having our vow renewal as a destination for our guest but its home to us, our only concern was making sure everyine has a great experience and a nice weekend. All the ideas are ours, all the activities are based on what we like to do, all the food, drinks etc are based on US as a couple, a wedding is a joinging of two people no one else is going to be in your marriage so no one elses opinions should matter. Do what you and your Fi like!  I have taken suggestions but thats it, I am not stressing over peoples ideas who will not share the day in and day out goings on in our marriage. We could careless what other people think. One of the biggest things we were going over was the dreaded bar, should we have an open bar or not, should we just have wine and beer or should we just skip it all toghether, in the end my DH said " Im not paying for people to come and get liquired up" They are supposed to be coming to celebrate our 15th anniversay and share in the wedding we never had if they want to drink they can go to the club afterwards. LOL  But needless to say we did settle on a wine and beer bar. But thats based again on what WE like to drink. The same is going for the food, favors music etc. People are always going to have something to say no matter what so make you and your FI happy on that day thats all that really matters.
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    ladylumladylum member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I am fortunate because our wedding is nontraditional but interesting a lot of the guests are excited to see what it is like.

    As for my family, I'm already the black sheep so to speak especially when I told them all to go to hell when I was 17 and they were pitying me because my mother died. Had to do it again when they started telling me I was raising my son wrong. They know not to cross me and know I won't give a damn what they think.
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