i just have to freaking VENT

A&M_Abyss

ladies i am UP TO HERE with my future sister in law.

things have changed and i feel a shift in her demeanor towards me. FI said that she feels that I have changed but now i feel like BE A WOMAN AND TALK TO ME ABOUT IT instead of telling your brother.

she hasn't been there for me throughout this process AT ALL and im so tired of it and it is SO NOT FAIR .

1. she now isn't coming to my bachelorette party and says it bc of money but i know she doesn't like my bm's
2. she told me she was coming to help assemble my invites NEVER DID AND NEVR SHOWED UP
3. i just bbm'd her asking her advice on what to do with the personalized hanger i bought for the bm i kicked out and she says "IDK"

My FI TOLD ME "dont put her in your weddng i know how she is" and now i'm just like GREAT, she's acting funky towards me b/c she thinks i've changed OH AND GET THIS she feels like i am "EXCESSIVE"

______________________________________

is all i have to say about that! ITS MY WEDDING AND THIS IS WHAT I DO!!!!! HOW CAN I NOT BE EXCESSIVE AND THOROUGH ABOUT EVERY DETAIL???

I'm so ANNOYED right now

Dancerppf

You changed can mean a lot of things. It can mean you're wedding focused and she feels left out and/or doesn't share your excitement which is common. And your good friends understand that and know its a moment in time. She's going to be in your life so don't burn bridges but don't worry about it either. It seems as if your trying to reach out to her to include her. Maybe you can reach out about non-wedding related things. If that doesn't work I say the hell with trying right now, its your wedding and you can deal with it later.

empegues

Just completely not showing up would have sealed the deal for me.  I would NEVER just not show up on someone, so I won't accept someone doing it to me.  I burn bridges.  Lol.  *grabs match*

prettymami2

LOL @ Empegues

Adhari I agree heavily with Dance- Girl we all know that our wedding is not as important to others as it is for us so people start to act uninterested, especially when you are the focal point. If she is acting different or uninterested then uninclude (so not a word) LOL her on the wedding activities. Move on without her. I understand trying to create the bond but you can't force it and I would not worry about it. When you see her let it roll down your back becuase truth be told it's your day not hers...Maybe you can find another bridesmaid to fill in the gaps that you had her in. Trust me there is always someone there willing to assist.

You have changed but you had to in order to keep a sound mind, get your wedding to-do's in order and to keep your 9 to 5 afloat. Dont' worry we all went through it. It may not have been a sister-in-law but it could've been a friend or the like.

Fabbiegirl

Like the other ladies have stated, we, as brides, have to remember that no one is more excited about our day than us--maybe mom's too.  lol.. We can't expect them to feel the excitement because it is not them.

As far as your bachelorette party is concerned, I would not worry about her not being there because if she doesn't like your BM's, you can avoid trouble by her not being there.  Don't worry about that.  Have a good time with your girls. Remember that all of your BM's are your girls, but they may not be cool with each other.  So, if she doesn't show, let it fly.  You ladies can have fun without her.

 One thing I have had to accept is that people, even my close friends, can flake out on me at this time.  They may say they want to help with wedding details, go dress shopping, do showers, etc., but in the end, they may not do so, and I won't hold that against them.  I have said several times on this board that weddings make people act funny.  Is she single? Has she been in a relationship for a long time waiting for a proposal?  If she is single, is she bitter against men?  If she is in a relationship, does she get crappy treatment from her man?  These are things that many women face around weddings, and they flake out on the bride because of it.  That doesn't mean we should accept it, but there are deep issues within all of us that happen to surface and play out in ways we don't mean.

What I would do is hang out with her on a non wedding related way.  Do lunch, dinner, movie, something you girls can hang out about.  Have a nice convo about things you enjoy.  I would even apologize for being so wedding focused because planning a wedding does change a girl.  We focus on how to make sure things go as planned.  Speak on how important it is to form a relationship.  Sometimes when we admit what the other is accusing us of, the other will admit to bad behavior.

If that doesn't work, light a match like empegues.  lol

empegues

Aw, Fabbie, you are the voice of reason!  I do agree with everything you said, but it seems like my patience for people's nonsense has waned over the years. 

A&M - take her advice (mine may lead to someone getting cussed out lol)..

A&M_Abyss

Thanks ladies! I really appreciate it! I know the reason i've changed is b/c the LACK OF support that her family has given my fiance and it really bothers me. SHE DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP TO MY SHOWER WITH A CARD!

that's in the past and I must move forward

ellone400

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_just-freaking-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7237a6cc-f39e-4f32-8675-a2baea6adeb6Post:eee30786-7b4a-45b1-a668-71e5a991d19e">Re: i just have to freaking VENT</a>:
[QUOTE]Just completely not showing up would have sealed the deal for me.  I would NEVER just not show up on someone, so I won't accept someone doing it to me.  I burn bridges.  Lol.  *grabs match*
Posted by empegues[/QUOTE]
ditto im with empegues i burn bridges quick .you have to have people thats going to show up in a wedding thats dependable.

ejagers

WOOOOWWWWW (in my flava flav voice) Her behavior is unacceptable and everyone on this post said it best.  Move on without her.  One monkey don't stop the show!!!!