African American Weddings
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My Budget and Haters, I've been in tears!

Hello ladies, I've been on here for a little while and I consider myself still a newbie.  My name is Neecie and I'm a pretty private person and I have been critisized as being secretive although of course I don't think so.  Two ladies I consider to be close friends and that are suppose to be bridesmaids in my wedding have had me in tears. Since they are my friends I discuss my wedding plans with them but I never mention the price of anything unless I am asked.  One asked me what my budget was and the other asked me more specifically what things were costing me and so I told them and since then I have been getting mean and sarcastic remarks or being ignored when trying to discuss my plans with them.  And these ladies know one another but they are not friends to one another so there is no ganging up kind of thing this is each on their own and they are both already married.  I just don't know how to handle this, my feelings have been so hurt.  I've been holding it in except to my fiance' who of course says F*** them and leave them alone but I don't want to do that.  They had their wedding now it's my turn, why can't they be happy for me like I was for them?  I just don't understand.

Re: My Budget and Haters, I've been in tears!

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    edited December 2011
    It's none of anyone's business how much anything costs for your wedding excpet thos paying for it. If they are being mean, tell them. If they continue, drop them. They are not friends but frenemies. Life is too short for that. Your wedding and wedding planning should be happy. Women are asked to be bridesmaids to stand WITH you not against you. Guests are ivited to share in the momenet. Anyone who can't understand that should be left out of you and your FI day.
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    edited December 2011
    One thing I've learned from wedding planning is that it lets you know who your real friends are and that most people are very incosiderate. Don't let them get to you Neecie. I hope you start to feeling better about the situation.
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    edited December 2011
    I limit my budget talk with people outside the bridal boards because some people will never understand the planning issues. People will be bitter because maybe they had a limited budget and can't stand for someone else to have better. When interacting with those type of people, definetly keep a thick skin and limit your wedding plans with. Real friends will be happy for you no matter what!


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    edited December 2011
    Hello Neecie.  I am sorry that you are experiencing this.  It's noone's business how much $$$ you & FI spend on YOUR wedding that YOU are paying for and for your "friends" to ask you and then come back with side-ways comments isn't cool.  But chalk this up as a life lesson because WITH WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS, YOU LEARN WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS AND ENEMIES ARE.  For some strange reason, married friends tend to be less supportive of your upcoming wedding, I don't get it but I've read this from other knotties since I've been on this board.  I can only chalk it up to them being SHINE BLOCKERS - it was all good when you were excited about their wedding yrs ago but they are not going to give you the same response.

    Take a step back and re-evaluate the people you've selected to be part of your day.  Ask yourself "after going through this, do I really want this person to be standing by my side on my big day?

    Number #1 tip I've learned on this board -- don't talk your wedding to others; they will not be as excited for you as you would like them to be...I know it sounds cold but it's the truth.

    Take care and know that this board is a really cool place to vent, think, learn and express yourself whenever you need to.

    Tootles,
    Alf  Laughing
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this from someone you have chosen to stand by your side.  Like the pp mention limited your wedding business and discussions to only those who really care about you.  A jealous heart is a bad way to live and just maybe these two friends have a little jealously tendency in their bones, because if they didn't they wouldn't act like this.  Hang in there and dry your tears and take Alf advice and re-evaluate them so called friends acting like this.
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    prncszprncsz member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp limit your wedding plans talk to those on a need to know basis and to the knot where other brides who are experiencing similar things and going through the same process can share in your joys and pains.. Like everyone has said not everyone is going to be happy for you and for your wedding/marriage it has nothing to do with you but their own personal issues. It is definitely a hard pill to swallow especially when the people are people you consider to be your friends.
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    miah_23_ncbmiah_23_ncb member
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    edited December 2011
    do not let them steal our JOY!. theyare being wayy too noisy if they want o know how much things cost, IMO the only time a person needs to be askin about how much something cost is if they plan on paying for it or contributing a cut. otherwise i would jsut tell them its not important or i might jokinglly say you plan on helpin us pay. they could also be jealous. jsut keep the talk about planning.
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies for you kind words of support and advice, I really needed it. It's just been a heartbreaking experience for me. 
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    edited December 2011
    Wow,
    Sounds like my story. Ive stopped my wedding plans for 2 months bc I just wasnt in the mood anymore. People can be soooo rude. It feel like, when youre dating, everything is cool and people are happy for you. But, as soon as you get engaged, people come out their mouth real sideways. I have a coworker that was soooo rude to me...and still is. I considered her a friend outside of work but just thought of her as one of those people that dont think before they speak. On my down time at work I would do some planning and she would come out of no where with some ol' "That sh*t is ugly, why you doin this and that??...When I get engaged, Im not doing this or that." Now she is engaged and Im truely happy for her but I wanna be rude to her like she was rude to me...but mama aint raise me like that. But she wants me to help her all the damn time and asking me how much Im spending. I had to tell her "you do realize that Im planning my own wedding"...but of course that went in 1 ear and out the other. FI says "F*** her. Y do you care about her if she dont care about you?"

    People just ruin things that are supposed to be special.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  I agree with the PPs on this...it's something about weddings to where you start realizing who your friends are, and who they aren't. 

    A friend that I grew up with that I considered like a sister to me started acting all funny when I started dating my FI and hoping we'd break up (he's a good man all around and has been nothing but good to me...and everyone else loves him.  She had never even met him nor heard anything bad about him).  She said she didn't want to hear his name, but then occasionally ask me questions about the relationship.  At first, I'd answer, and then she'd find a way to cast everything negative and assume stuff about my relationship that I didn't even say nor imply.  I learned my lesson, and nothing else comes out of my mouth, even when she asks.

    Then when we got engaged, she saw the change on Facebook and she started breaking bread on our upcoming marriage...saying she didn't think it would work out, talking about she dreamed that something bad happened at the wedding (but didn't say what), and at another point in time saying that she wasn't coming to the wedding (I hadn't even invited her...we're not even at the invite point yet), and then saying she wanted to come just to see "the drama."   Most recently she wanted to be my photog since she's up-and-coming in that field, but she doesn't even want to call my FI by name.  She's not even going to be invited much less be my photographer...she's not even going to know where the wedding is being held (thank God she's OOT).  Too much mess.

    In any case, it sucks that is situation is happening to you.  I would advise not to say anyting else to them about the budget or your plans.  Plan with your FI, and if possible, your family and more trusted friends (but only you, your FI, and family contributing to the budget need to know the budget).  I would usually say not to kick people out of the wedding party...see if not talking to them about the wedding will help your overall relationship with them.  And even if you *must* talk to them about the dresses or the day, don't allow them to get on the subject of your budget or anything else that isn't their business (nothing is their business but the cost of their BM dresses).  Tell them straight up that the comments aren't necessary and it's none of their business.  If the budget or whatever else gives them some excuse to drop, then let them drop...too bad, so sad for them. 
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