African American Weddings

Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue

So I had a gf who was going to do our photography but her and her husband have basically been MIA since the invite went out almost a month ago. I think they were upset that their children weren't invited. I've known her for 11 years but its been more of a one sided relationship. More of me being a great friend then the opposite. I was there for them when they relocated to our city,  for the births of both of her children, I baby sat for them, spent time with them on holidays because they had not family in town, when they moved to Arkansas for a couple of years I went to visit etc.

We always had talked about her doing my wedding photography. So when FI and I got engaged I called her but to my surrpise she was like well it will be this such and such amount if I don't have another wedding to photograph that day.  I was like um ok? Well fast forward, my shower was April 21st. She textes me that week to say she can't come because she has to take her hubby to the airport. I'm like lame excuse but ok. So that morning she post on FB at 9am that she just dropped him off at the airport. My shower was at 11am. I don't get it but I suck it up and appreciate those that did come. So my invites went out April 2nd and we get her rsvp back this past weekend and she writes on it. I will be there but her husband has a t ball game with their  6 year old.

So after 11 years of friendship one of the most important days of my life comes up and your husband has a t ball game? He is the coach but truly with as many boys on the team you can't tell me that one of the father's there could not cover for him.

I'm just annoyed and slightly hurt because I feel like the only reason that she is coming is to make money off doing the photography. FI's opinion is if that's the case how do we even know she will care to do the job right? I agree so we decided to look into other options.

One thing I learned this weekend at a ladies meeting is that friendships have seasons and sometimes those seasons just need to end. I feel like she and I are at this point and may have been at this point for sometime but I was just too blind to see it.
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Re: Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue

  • Sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I know she is a friend but since you are paying her, do you have a contract? I have a friend in AZ who is actually a photographer and a DJ and I could have probably used his services for one of the above for the wedding. But I realized a long time ago, that doing business with friends sometimes creates enemies. He still keeps saying that he is going to take pictures at the wedding and I keep telling him that's fine but just know you are a guest first and not the photographer. But I know how you feel, knowing someone for this long, you would think none of this would be an issue. Weddings truly change people or maybe it just shows you who they really are. If I hear of any good deals on wedding photography, I will shoot you the info. 
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  • {{HUGS}}  I can totally understand your frustration, but I can also look at it both ways. From your POV is how can he not come because of a t-ball game. Well, as a t-ball/coach pitch team mom....baseball coaches like any other coach take those things sooooo seriously. My son is 5 and had practice or a game all but 1 day last week. The kids get confused when hearing directions from other people so they really try to keep the changes to a minimum. Also, if you feel the relationship is one sided and she is going to be your photographer, maybe they didn't see it as a big deal that he won't be there because she'll be working and he would be there basically solo? 

    My suggestion would be to talk to her. Let her know your concerns, how you feel, etc.  I doubt she is only doing it because of making money for the photography. Granted she's been married so I doubt she would be heartless to stick you with trying to find another vendor 5 weeks out. I would really have a heart to heart with her. You've been friends for so long, so really talk to her about it.
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  • Thank you ladies!! I so appreciate the advice!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-vendorfriend-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8db3b3f0-1512-4151-943e-3506bcb9f5c7Post:f22e6674-1e96-4de5-8417-7a8f947308ba">Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE] One thing I learned this weekend at a ladies meeting is that <strong>friendships have seasons and sometimes those seasons just need to end. </strong>I feel like she and I are at this point and may have been at this point for sometime but I was just too blind to see it.
    Posted by Elizabeth80[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I am sorry this is happening to you, as I can hear your hurt. I agree that some friendships have seasons, a few seems to come to light during weddings. Its not always a bad things, as some friends God does not want for us to try to take to this new season of our lives, you know? As pp suggest, I would talk to her about how you feel about the situation and the bridal shower issue. From there, you can determine if the friendship is worth preserving. I would also suggest looking for a backup photog. 

    </div>
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  • Thanks girlie!!

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-vendorfriend-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8db3b3f0-1512-4151-943e-3506bcb9f5c7Post:d83ab78b-4ad7-4722-b958-fdf71d78e7e8">Re: Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue : I am sorry this is happening to you, as I can hear your hurt. I agree that some friendships have seasons, a few seems to come to light during weddings. Its not always a bad things, as some friends God does not want for us to try to take to this new season of our lives, you know? As pp suggest, I would talk to her about how you feel about the situation and the bridal shower issue. From there, you can determine if the friendship is worth preserving. I would also suggest looking for a backup photog. 
    Posted by keyaira04[/QUOTE]
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-vendorfriend-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8db3b3f0-1512-4151-943e-3506bcb9f5c7Post:f22e6674-1e96-4de5-8417-7a8f947308ba">Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]So Iher hubby to the airport. I'm like lame excuse but ok. <strong>So that morning she post on FB at 9am that she just dropped him off at the airport. My shower was at 11am</strong>. I don't get it but I suck it up and appreciate those that did come. So my invites went out April 2nd and we get her rsvp back this past weekend and she writes on it. I will be Posted by Elizabeth80[/QUOTE]

    You are better than me, I would have commented on her FB account, "Glad your husband made it to the airport on time"......
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • Exactly! I thought it was BS when she texted me that but when I saw her stat I was like wow, its confirmed.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-vendorfriend-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8db3b3f0-1512-4151-943e-3506bcb9f5c7Post:7de3b28c-1080-407b-a65e-2afa4be8ed94">Re: Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue : You are better than me, I would have commented on her FB account, "Glad your husband made it to the airport on time"......
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
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  • RealHappyGalRealHappyGal member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-vendorfriend-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8db3b3f0-1512-4151-943e-3506bcb9f5c7Post:7de3b28c-1080-407b-a65e-2afa4be8ed94">Re: Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Vent: Vendor/Friend Issue : You are better than me, I would have commented on her FB account, "Glad your husband made it to the airport on time"......
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
     Thats EXACTLY what I was thinking
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