Down one bridesmaid...

Soon2BSand

So my FI's sister told him she didn't want to be a part of the wedding "anymore." She didn't indicate why... I happen to think it's me. I picked up a weird vibe from her a while ago and haven't been able to shake it. I'm not mad that she's not in the wedding. I'm actually relieved (considering I didn't ask her to be a part of it anyway) I'm a tad annoyed she told her brother to tell me though. I'm even MORE annoyed that she's come to the conclusion that she doesn't "trust me" and therefore doesn't "like" me and she's only met me ONCE and that was over dinner at a hibachi restaurant where she proceeded to laugh it up and call me sis and carry on. 

I hate fake people... I don't like everyone but I try and have a valid reason as to why I don't care for you and I wont pretend that I do. Is it too much to ask for that same courtesy? Would I be wrong for calling her (NO DRAMA) and just asking how she's doing to open the door to communicate? I feel like since me and FI are forever I should at the very least reach out to her... Maybe her concerns are valid. Maybe she's heard something about me (true or untrue). I get it... her job is to protect her brother and her loyalty lies with him but I wont let her put him in a position to feel like he's choosing me over her or some other form of manipulation to make him feel terrible for getting married. Make sense?

Any advice?

P.S. I happen to have my own opinion as to why it's hard for her to be happy for me and him (or any other married couple) but that's purely an assumption and may be an unfair one if not true.

lalarochelle

I'm not asking my FI's sister to do anything for my wedding-not for any particular reason, but... I've based my decisions/opinions of his family (good and bad) off of him because you're right you don't want to get in the middle.  If your FI doesn't seem to care that she's not in the wedding, don't sweat it. But if he does care or even if his mother seems to have issues, talk about it w/ your FI first, then include the future S-I-L if need be.

And who knows-maybe you guys will form your own relationship later and you can ask her to do a reading or something

happe2gether

lalarochelle hit the nail on the head I think.  Great advice she just gave!

cincy2011

I agree with the advice above and I'd add that I wouldn't call her right away b/c she may feel as if your call is to "feel her out" about the wedding and she may become defensive since she already doesn't trust you.   (rolling eyes)

But anyway, I totally agree that you shouldn't worry about it - follow your FI's lead on this one if he doesn't care.  You're right, you and FI are forever so you have time to let things naturally work out between you and his sister.  In time, she'll see that you treat her brother well, he's happy and that you are a great person.

By the way, I'm just curious - how did you hear that she didn't trust you?  Did she tell you herself or did you hear through another family member or FI?

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_down-one-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:98f86927-dae3-4707-8404-0dd74b6e23baPost:244a056e-a0f6-48a0-b950-262ec0ac53bf">Re: Down one bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the advice above and I'd add that I wouldn't call her right away b/c she may feel as if your call is to "feel her out" about the wedding and she may become defensive since she already doesn't trust you.   (rolling eyes) But anyway, I totally agree that you shouldn't worry about it - follow your FI's lead on this one if he doesn't care.  You're right, you and FI are forever so you have time to let things naturally work out between you and his sister.  In time, she'll see that you treat her brother well, he's happy and that you are a great person. By the way, I'm just curious - how did you hear that she didn't trust you?  Did she tell you herself or did you hear through another family member or FI?
Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>FI told me (well us...) in our counseling session... he stated that he was confused as to why she was acting like that. That's where the conversation started about how people who are miserable in their own lives have a hard time being happy for anyone else.

</div>

lil01

I have the same issue with my hubby's little sister (and only sister). We don't speak for the same reasons you mentioned. However, I know that eventually I will need to have a conversation with her since it is hubby's sister. That would determine the type of relationship we will have going forward.

I think you should have a talk with your FI's sister, but when you're ready.

Ksk2012

Ok I agree with a lot of the advice. I say follow his lead and then reach out to her in some sort of way. Just to say you did. Don't have any expectations for the conversation and just call (or even email) to check in with her and say just that. You wanted to check in with her to say hello. maybe a simple reach out will help the situation. Or may be not, but you did the right thing and that's all that matters