NWR...Just need a ear ummm eyes and some encouraging words

tcjames

I've been feeling like the worst mother on the planet & have been in tears for the past 2 days. I just graduated nursing school May 8th and I have to admit it got harder the further I went so a lot of stuff DH had to step in and take over. Anyway, I went to my 9 year daughter award ceremony 2 days ago and " I didn't know she had  STRAIGHT A's ALL YEAR, along with winner an art contest, was the best reader in the school, pretty much she was excelling in every subject, even community service and is on a 5th grade level (she's in the 3rd). Even worst, every single staff member that stopped me told me how she was bragging " My mommy is going to be a nurse  & how proud of me she was" I was smiling on the outsie but ready to lie down & die on the spot. Everybody I've talked to keep  saying " don't feel bad, you were concentrating school in order to  make a better future for her". Ok I get the better future part, but honestly HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED EVERYTHING!!! This is tearing me apart so bad I just want to buy her all kinds of stuff to reward her, but I know that is the wrong way to handle it..My mom said" baby, she seen you working so hard, so she worked hard too"..Yeah mom she did & I didn't notice it

I know we have given her all the tools she needed to succeed & I'm so pround of her, but as a mom my heart, mind & soul is torn apart because "I was too busy with my own thing to recognize the efforts she had been putting in. I just don't know how to deal with the feelings of "how could I abandoned my child".

I love my family but they just don't get how I'm feeling.So any and all feed back will be greatly appreciated. Thank you Ladies

MrsSmith2Be02

Awwwww {{HUGS}} Don't beat yourself up. My oldest is 5 and even though his behavior at school could be questionable at times, he was in the top of his pre-k class doing 1st grade work. As parents, we want the best for our kids and in doing so if we have to push ourselves higher in class/school then we do while they are younger so we can spend more time with them when they are going through those really critical years.

You're right, buying all kinds of stuff isn't the answer. I'm sure she would just want some special mommy/daughter time. Why don't you all go get manis / pedis together? I'm sure she would LOVE that! I remember my mom used to take me when I was little and I absolutely LOVED it.

mejai1

Awwww..... I know it feels bad, and the fact that you feel this way shows how much you really DO love and care for your baby! The beautiful part is that you do kinda get a doover and that you will have other opportunities to gawk over her successes. It's also wonderful that she has developed this amazing work ethic because of your example. Buying her a bunch of stuff might be counterproductive because then she might feel like the only reason to do well and work hard is to get rewarded with material items. Yes, you missed a little part, but there's so much more to come, and the love just pours out in your post, so please, please don't beat yourself up. You are so blessed to have her and she is equally blessed to have such a loving mommy! The people around you are right to remind you of the future... Nursing school will be over before you know it and you will be in a great place where you can do even more for her. At the worst, it's a lesson in sometimes getting out of our own heads and thinking about others... That is not so much directed at you as it is a reminder for me and everyone... It's so easy to get caught up in "me" sometimes. But make no mistake, we can tell how much you adore your little one and if you didn't, you wouldn't need a hug... I'm sending you one! Ain't life and parenting hard sometimes?

mejai1

Sorry for the long paragraphs... Posting from my phone...

[Deleted User]

Tears.   TC, each and every thing meja said.   She is a reflection of the job you and DH have done and will continue to do and the truth is, you didn't miss it, you're raising a capable and intelligent baby and when she's older and recalls this time with clarity, one of the things she will remember is that she was loved and celebrated and treasured.   Motherhood can be fraught woulda shoulda couldas, but girl be assured that you HAVE and you DID.   Ya'll showed up, she showed out.  boom.


CN version:  Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Good job mom (and dad) for real.   

p.s. thanks for f&^%@#in up my mascara.
 

CaseynMike

((HUGS)) I understand how you feel...I had my daughter while I was in college and by time she got inot pre-k three I was in my junior and senior level classes...but when I couldnt make it to her stuff at her school I felt horrible...I used to take her to class with me and to this day we talk about it and she remembers going to school with me. It makes my heart smile to know that she remembers me in school working to make life better for her.

Honey I promise it may seem hard right now but just know that she looks up to you and you have stamped a great life lesson into her memory. Just because I am the way I am...I would buy her just a few things and then talk to her about her goals for next year. Now that you are done with nursing school you can focus on making her milestones at school!!

Good luck and everything will be well.

tcjames

Now I'm crying for another reason..YOU LADIES ROCK...I love my family but they treated how I'm feeling like its no big deal..You ladies undertsood exactly how I'm feeling and gave me some great advice, encouraging words and validation that her acheivements are a reflection of me (us)...I can never thank you enough for pulling me out of this rut & letting me cry on your shoulders ..

So heres the game plan.Today was her last day of school, so it just me & her until 3 tomorrow. I've decide to combine all your ideas into one...Movie & lunch, a little shopping (ha I'll let you know how a little shopping goes lol) and we'll give each other manis/pedis (she asked if she could finally paint my toes when she came in today) and just enjoy a little girl talk & goal setting for the summer & next school year.

@sultryzulu..Darling I'm so sorry  for "f&^%@#in up your mascara". If it makes you feel any better, while getting the mail today my neighbor asked me who died (my eyes were crying bloodshot red). Once he found out nobody died he said " fix yourself up you look like you've been a a week long crack binge LOL...Between the 2 of you & the AA ladies I got my smile back..

Again thank you & It's a true blessing to know you all, even if it's only over cyberspace

CaseynMike

awww good luck with everything! It will thrill her for her to be able to paint your nails!! I hope you all have a great time together!.....Um those poor babies JUST getting out of school? Our kids in Louisiana have been out as early as May 18 to the latest being May 23.....but we do go back like August 8.....too many holidays to celebrate here lol!!

keyaira04

aww! This is so sweet. I'm glad she has a mom who is not only thinking about making a making better for the future, but missing those moments now. Not alot people see it both ways. I never got alot of "Im sorry I missed this" or " I feel bad for missing that" when my mom or dad was working alot.  I mean, you really do care. So does she and I am sure if you took her out for ice cream (or something she loves doing with you), she would be grateful so the sorry. I hope Im a mom like you

TL25

I feel like I wrote this story except I would have to replace your daughter with my son and my little one is 2 and not 3rd grade. I would be like omg babe Ryan just said a new word and he would be like no he's been saying that or I would be like Ryan's doing this now and he would be like no Ryan's been doing that. I'm like wth have I been doing, getting my education at the expense of my child.. Well school is over now, I graduated May 11 (Congrats on your May 8 graduation), so I get to enjoy my child and not have to postpone us time for schoolwork. Congratulations you and DH are raising a wonderful and talented child. She is a reflection of you and DH! Continue to push her to do well and I wish you much success! The future is looking bright for everyone in your household!

MissusD1116

Aww!! I'm glad that you got some uplifting..I soooo know that feeling!!, I'm going thru it right now!!! I just have to remember the reasons why I do it. I feel bad when I can't make it to my daughters school stuff. I was going to school seems like all week, and when you have free time, you just wanna do nothing! She wants to go to the park, etc..and I'm like "man, I sure don't wanna go." but realized it wasn't about me at the moment... Don't give up!! Continue to press on, because believe me, she is watching...many blessings sissy!