African American Weddings
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Advice Needed PLEASE!

So, my very best friend for years has been very distant since I got engaged. We recently started back talking on the phone more often about a month ago. Well, she's a make-up artist and was supposed to do my make-up trial on last week since I'm going to Jamaica and will be doing my own make-up. She decided to go to see "How to Train a Dragon" instead. She has known about my bridal shower for months and didn't come or even try to get the day off of work. I have loaned her so much money in the past and have not gotten any of it back too. She has been traveling, shopping, going out to dinner and etc. So, I really feel like our friendship has run its course. It's sad because we have been very close for 10 years, but I'm thinking about cutting her loose. What do you ladies think?

Re: Advice Needed PLEASE!

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    desi2002desi2002 member
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    edited December 2011
    Did she take her kid to the movie? My 3 year old has been dying to see it.

    If that's not the case, and she saw it by herself... then I would have some questions...

    Also was the makeup trial scheduled before hand, like an actual APPOINTMENT? If so then I would be upset too.

    The money part I would just forget about. Don't loan out money that you NEED to get back. If you loan out money, just assume you arent getting it back, that way if you do it would be a surprise.

    If you really feel that she has been using you, and not spending time with you, then you def should have a talk with her. Go with your gut cause it usually right. GL
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    prncszprncsz member
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    edited December 2011

    I see you mentioned since you have been engaged she has been distant did you all stop talking all together and then she resurfaced or had the talking just come to a minimum. If you two had stopped talking all together, did you initiate the communication? Maybe she'll come around maybe she won't but don't let it spoil your day. Just see it for what it is and know now that you can't depend on her. Did you ask her about it (either situation) if so did she say she forgot or something?

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    edited December 2011

    @Desi - She doesn't have a child..she went with her co-worker...and yes, the make-up trial was scheduled before the movie. I even confronted her about it and she just blew it off and said she would do my make-up another day.

    @prncsz - I was the initiator. She got really distant and I reached out to her on different occasions.

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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    Only you can decide whether you want to maintain a friendship with her, however from what you have described she sounds extremely shady and I would question the friendship.  Sorry!
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    TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
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    edited December 2011
    If you feel like the friendship has run its course and there is nothing else you can do, let it go.

    It will be something you will have to deal with but if you think it is best I say so be it.

    I had to do the same with my biological father. I did all that I could do. It was time to just let him go and heal from it...
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with all thats been said. I think that she is wrong, but u know what they say. "Weddings and Funerals bring out the worst in people."
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    OFFOFF
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah if she is blowing off wedding related things that are important to you I would say it's time to say goodbye.  Often friends feel they are loosing you when you get married and become distant even hurtful.  Some friends can't make the adjustment from single you to married you.  I would say try to talk to her about what is going on in your relationship and how you feel.  If she doesn't straighten out after that keep walking.  
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry you are going through this right now. It almost sounds like you aren't the only person that feels your friendship has run its course. Any chance she's been hanging on to something that you aren't aware of?
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    edited December 2011
    Girl I had dang near the same situation. However, it was easy for me to cut her loose.When you do me wrong, talk behind my back, or treat me like you have some sort of jealousy issues, etc..then you get kicked to the curve. We are grown, I don't have time to train someone on "how to be a friend". I too lost a friend that had been in my life since 9th grade. But I don't have time for games..she had to go. I wave if I see her or respectfully send my god daughter a B'day gift..but all that other mess is out the door. I don't have the time or patience for drama.
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    amberlynnedamberlynned member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you have to go through this, some women are just so competitive, it pains them to see others happy.

    My opinion is that you try to talk to her about how her actions have made you feel. If she doesn't straighten up & fly right, then kick her to the curb. You have more important things to worry about than her drama.

    GL!!!
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    edited December 2011
    Hi SD... Sorry you are having to go thru this foolishness..wit.. folks.. but based upon your post... LET THAT MESS GO!!!!... I know that you have been friends for years and you would expect her to be happy for you... and she really should be...but people SHOW YOU how they feel about you.... I know your feelings are probably hurt,,, because I know MINE WOULD BE...because of the history you two have... but I have had to learn that "everyone doesn't want the best for you".  Sometimes people can just focus on them... thats all that they can see... but with this circumstance, with your wedding to be so close and an appointment was pre-arranged... and she just blew you off like a complete stranger... That's indicative of another issue...which you really dont have the time or inclination to trouble-shoot...Maybe she'll come around... and when she does.. if you feel like you want to discuss it with her.... you can... but until then... You gotta go missin'... Don't call, don't email, nothin'.... Just straight go missin'... Maybe she has to FEEL your absence to know that something is wrong....That's just my opinion.  
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