African American Weddings
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Can I get your opinion?? BM issue

I don't post much but I kind of ran into this "issue" with a friend I planned to ask to be a BM.  Can I get your opinion please??

Recently I saw a post about tattos and whether or not they should be covered for the wedding/photos.  Personally I don't have any nor do I want any showing in my wedding photos.  So just to be sure I would be aware of who had them I asked my girls who had them and where.  Everyone has been really cool about it all except for one person who has basically told me that since she didn't cover them in her wedding, she wouldn't for mine.  Which also led the conversation to hair and nails.  I've got a long time to go but with the way she reacted I'm wondering if it is me or her.  In my mind, it's only one day so if I ask that you have you hair and nails done a certain way and tattoos covered for my pictures, it shouldn't be too much to ask.  I'm also thinking of the photos because I don't want to dislike my photos later on because I'm not a fan of having them show.  Am I being rude? Am I asking for too much?   

Is anyone asking their BM to have a special hairstyle, nail color, etc. or cover tattoos?
Thanks! 

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Re: Can I get your opinion?? BM issue

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    edited December 2011
    I don't have tattoos, and thankfully none of my BMs do either. So I don't think you're wrong for wanting your BMs to cover their tattoos. I disagree on the hair thing just because I think the same hairstyle doesn't always look good on everyone. But, it's your wedding so it's up to you.
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    cyndoncyndon member
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    edited December 2011

    I have a BM with visible tattoos and I told her that they would have to be covered up and she had no problem with it.  It's the one day that is about you and your bridal party is suppse to be there to support you and help make sure your day goes as smoothly as possible.  Its not her wedding, its yours. Covering up her tattoos is a small thing she can do for you for that one day.

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    essianessian member
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    edited December 2011

     I am asking my bridesmaids to wear the same dress and shoes. I am leaving the hair, makeup and nails up to them. I agree with missrekaeagle about the hair thing for the same reasons.Different styles suit different people. I went to a very beautiful wedding where all the BM's had the same hair style and it didn't look nice on them at all.

    Having said that, that's just MHO. If you really want them all to wear the the same hair style, nails etc. and that is what you have envisioned all along, then go for it. It's your day!

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    Panda16Panda16 member
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    edited December 2011

    It's your day and things should go how you want them to. Even if that means you want your girls wearing a certain hairstyle or even covering up their tattoos.

    But playing devil's advocate for a bit, I feel you pick your BM's because of who they are, and you accept them for who they are. If they have tattoos (unless it's something blantantly obvious like one on the face), is it really something to argue over? I've seen so many brides cut off BM's because they don't have the look they envisioned it. What if they were (very) pregnant? Would that be reason to not ask them?

    My point,  is I don't think it should matter but it IS your choice. Why not try to show your friend how their tattoo would look covered up or take them for a hair trial beforehand? She'll probably be more understanding then.

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    edited December 2011
    I have a tattoo and I won't be covering it. Its a part of me and who I am but I am the bride. If my MOH had a tattoo I wouldn't ask her to cover it unless she wanted to. Just my .08 cents though!
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    heycharheychar member
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    edited December 2011
    I have 2 BM that have dare I say vile tattoo's on the top of their arm like on the shoulder part ones a rose and the other has a huge musical note..both of them regret their tattoo's as they were very young when they got them and they do look awful, I haven't tackled the issue of them covering them as yet so pray for me ya'll, my engagements quite recent so I will sit the BM's down and give them the rules if they don't want tocomply they have the option (early get out clause) to not be one which I think is fair as they know I would like them to be but if they are not it's there decision..but hey..can't say I didn't ask!

    Sounds harsh! total Bridezilla advice I know but...is it too late to replace her if she doesn't comply as the hassle of seeing her tattoos having asked her to cover them/it would just bug me on the day! afterall it is your day just seems rude and inconsiderate of her not to comply!
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    adgenyaadgenya member
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    edited December 2011

    IMHO, I think the tatoo issue is asking too much. I would never require my bridesmaids to cover their tatoos unless we were getting married in a house of worship and the tatoo they had was blantantly offensive. Tatoos, nails, hair and makeup are a part of the person. If you really wanted the tatoo covered, I'd just recommend a shawl for all of your bridesmaids and not singling one out.

     

    As for hair and nails, if you pay for it (and I felt comfortable in that style), I would do it the way you wanted it to be done. If you didn't pay for it, I would do it the way that I wanted. 

     

    Yah it's your day, but you are asking your friends to share in your day. Remember they've (probably) already dished out time and money for the dress, a gift, hotel/accomodations, a shower, and a bachelorette party. Hair, nails, and tatoos are not something you are really going to remember and odds are if your BMs are in styles they don't feel comfortable in, your pictures will reflect that anyways.

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    edited December 2011
    I have a huge blue free style sun tattoed on my upper shoulder. I am not covering it up and i asked my bridesmaids that have ink to cover up only the offensive tattoes. And since they don't have any offensive we don't have a problem. My tatts are a part of me and I might get another one a month before the wedding. The only people it bothers are my parents and since they are not paying they no say in it. If they don't like it then either turn your head or don't come..
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    happe2getherhappe2gether member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks all for the advice.  I'm really appreciative of it and the $.08!!Smile
    Actually we still have so much time to pick out the dress and all that it may never be an issue.  Plus the idea of a wrap might work but being in Florida might make that hard too.  I do agree I did ask them because they are my close friends and family but I guess that's probably the most conservative part of me (my lack of tattos).  I do have some family members with huge tattos across their entire backs and it's a challenge to say the least. I understand your point about the hair part, again referring to some of my family, some go overboard with their weaves (I'm talking colors, etc.) but they already know I'm not down for all that hot mess. I figure by the time I really have to worry about it for real, the issue may be dead-at least I hope so. But if I see a big parrot sitting up on someone's breasteses I'm gonna have to go bridezilla on that one!!Laughing
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    amberlynnedamberlynned member
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    edited December 2011
    I think you should do whatever makes you happy, but just remember that those pics are not worth destroying friendships or hurting feelings of those that you love. So if you do want their tattoos covered or hair done a certain way, I'd suggest you tread carefully.

    My sister paid for a hair & makeup stylist on the day of in order to make sure they all looked the same. This was great because they all looked the same but didn't care because they were being treated to getting their hair done.....

    Its funny, three of my BMs are going to be around 5 months pregnant at my wedding, two have LARGE back tattoos, one is actually a man, and they all range from a size 2-22. But I think its great. In the end, they are all my girls (and guy) and I love them. It doesn't matter what they look like, as long as they are all standing next to me! :D
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    edited December 2011
    IT"S YOUR WEDDING!!! If you don't want exposed tattoos in your wedding, then dismiss her as a bridesmaid. The most important part is how you conduct the conversation to dismiss her. Your friends should want YOUR DAY to be the most special day ever and willing to go the extra mile to make you happy. What she did for HER WEDDING should not be the standard she sets for YOURS.
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    edited December 2011
    I asked my bridesmaids to cover their tattoos. In a nutshell, they said "sure, should we make arrangements for it or can the on-site makeup artist handle that?" End of discussion.

    It is your wedding. It is your vision. It is one of the biggest days of your life. It is not Bridezilla of you to expect your bridesmaids to be supportive of your vision once they accept the role. With that said, still be sure to respect their individuality (i.e. personalized gifts and not treating them like robots) and cherish your relationships with them (i.e. remember to be a FRIEND and not just a bride) and if they are truly their to support you...they will understand and play their part in your day without causing you drama.
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