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African American Weddings

Why today?! (Major vent)

DISCLAIMER: I am PMSing and that means, super sensitive & emotional me is out.

A. So today grandma flew in from NY and she wanted to get down to wedding business. Honestly, I was in so much pain, I wanted to just lay in bed, eat all day, & have a non-bride day. Because I could barely move, my mom & aunt accompanied her to the decorator, the caterer, & reception site (she wanted to see for herself what exactly is going on with them since she's paying for a bulk of it). When she returned, she tried to get me to change my mind about having a photobooth. That got me to sit up cuz that is 1 thing I am SO excited about. She thinks it will insult the photographer & cause him to lose business (or have less photos) for the day. After some back & forth, she threw her hands up and let me get my way but she's still skeptical. And it really upset me bcuz my mom was all excited about it until my grandma says something, now she's on grandma's side and making it seem like I'm doing something so horrible by having the photobooth.

B. Then I have my aunt criticizing my natural hair (I'm transitioning so my natural hair is out & in a cute 'do but she doesn't like it). I did my best to ignore her cuz my hormones were on edge so if I would've opened my mouth, I would've either said somethin "not so nice" or just bust out crying.
 
C. Then another aunt calls up, making suggestions for the favors. Had to tell her "thanks but no thanks", especially since we ordered what we wanted already & we don't have extra time/money to change anything.

D. Earlier, I made the announcement to my wedding party that they were fired (I used nicer words btw). They were all just procrastinating with ordering their dresses & tuxes so to avoid unwanted stress, I just demoted them all to guests & kept the only 2 ppl that were considerate enough to be on point so now we have 1 attendant each and we're just fine with that (less money I have to spend on gifts lbvs). I don't wanna lose friends over this so I'm just gonna try to let it go & get over it.

E. Mom tells me that reception site requires guests to wear color bands to be allowed in the door & the site is not providng ppl to pass them out. That really set me off bcuz I don't remember that being discussed or even mentioned in the contract (I have a wedding book so I keep track of everything). I already sent out the invitations so can't provide them in there & we don't have RSVPs (long story) so no way to compile a guest list for a do a "name at the door" type thing. Plus, I still haven't decided what to do about ushers (I feel awkward having someone "working" while everyone else is enjoying themselves. Maybe I'm just being too "doormatish" about the issue, idk lol)

F. Then Mom harasses me about the "here comes the bride" sign & having it done. I hate having to remind her that, I am the bride, so I haven't forgotten about it & it will be done in time. And now she thinks we need a program for the reception. I'm not sure we do, I don't think it's common or necessary but I could be wrong.

G. And after showing mom the sketch the baker gave us of the cake, she makes snide comments. She basically didn't like it & questions whether it will be enough to feed everybody. It's a big 5 tier cake. I think that's enough to feed everybody. Plus, we're having a groom's cake. How much more cake does she want us to have??

Today was just not a good day for people to be all up in my face asking & demanding stuff. I was ready to set it off. Now that everybody has gone, I'm left with a huge headache. FI already heard my vent session so I decided to share it with ya'll. If you made it thru all that, you are truly thanked for reading my random, emotional, bridal mess lol smh. (P.S. sultryzulu don't be too harsh if u comment, but I kno u gonna crack me up wit whateva u say lol)
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Re: Why today?! (Major vent)

  • Well Hun I guess we are up and irritated together.....on two different extremes. First hugs I'm sorry you are going through all of this so close to your wedding. Just from reading it sounds like you are working really hard to remain calm and ignore the extra stress. I'm sure you are upset with your mom about the photo booth and her excitement that disappeared for it when your grandma came. Sometimes in the big scheme of things different opinions coming out can cause people to go back and forth. I'm hoping that things work out and smooth over Hun.
  • ((hugs)) Agree with pp, you are trying to ride above all the voices in your ear. Keep at it. My only comment is about he photobooth. When you feel better, call your photog about the photobooth just o make him/her aware. Some are picky about that.
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  • A. I'm assuming grandma is old school and doesn't understand the photobooth concept and how EVERYONE is doing one. It's ok. You won.

    B. NATURALGIRLSROCK!!! PERIOD!! Please don't get discourgaged. Check out my blog in my signature if you need some encouragement or PM me anytime.

    D. You have only 2 months left and they still hadn't ordered there dresses? smh

    Overall it sounds like what a lot of us have been going through at some point. I don't know why the mom's, grandmoms, etc want to have their wedding instead of supporting our ideas and what we want. Don't worry we can relate and that PMS surely doesn't help! Everything will be ok and your wedding day will be great!
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  • This is crunch time, so stress is normal a month or two out. I think you sound logical and like you're handling it well. I especially like how you handled D!
  • gmornin ladies.   Brit {tacklehug} harsh isn't my default m'luvie but even without it being said, I was just coming in here to tell you that I think that given the description of all events so far, you're doing an outstanding job of holding it all together.    What I've seen work in the past is what you're already doing - staying respectful but being firm.   It could help to state your case once, then let them burn off all their talkation and remember that you are not in the convincing business.

    for mom and mawmaw:  the photobooth is 4 feet wide by 7 feet tall, there are no pictures that can be taken in a space with those dimensions that will replace guest shots.  the other thing?  it's not placed in the reception, it's in a dedicated area, near but not in the dinner space.  Guests have to leave the party to use it or use it before it begins, so there's no danger of it competing with the photographer. 

    k, next  - hair.  {brit picks up bullhorn} this is MY crown and glory.  /fin

    here comes the bride sign -  (thoughtbubble):  why is she trippin when this can and will be done in one day.  (outloudtoher):  thanks for the reminder mom, love you for keeping me on task {hide the eyeroll, show the teeth}

    reception bands - solvable with one phone call.  unless you're nearing their maximum head count, I'd be curious as to why they even care. however many people are there, you gotta pay for em so, I don't see their downside.

    I applaud you on your decision about the WP.  Not to be cut and dry about it, but this isn't that complicated, if you explain expectations and they're agreed to but not met, you move on.  It's not the end of a relationship, you've simply got bigger things to concern yourself with.  so good for you girl. 

    cake - please trust mama is going to busy brushing imaginary lint off your dress adjusting and readjusting your veil, crying and telling stories about how just yesterday you were learning to talk.  she will not have that cake to think about let alone how it looks.  as a practical matter, we're not talking big old sould food colored folk slices, caterers know how to cut a cake so that everybody gets a ONE serving anglicized piece.  size/shape depending, 5 tiers should easily cover 150 people.

    finally this is personal I realize, but (imho) some of the pressure and stress of wedding planning comes from oversharing, which I get.  You want your family, especially the women to be happy with you and for you so it's natural to seek their input, but sharing every stage of the process, again natural, leads to overinvolvement in what a mother sees as a once in a lifetime event.    this is unlike anything else, there aren't a whole bunch of preparations to make for graduating from something or having a baby (both largely out of our control), they get nuts with the details because they're so many details and because we let em.   Input is lovely (if it's helpful), but remember that you're the boss of this day. 


  • Whooo Sahhhh. Always remember it is YOUR day not theirs. You don't get a do-over so make it the day that you dreamed of.
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  • :( BREATHE and vent. it's OKAY. and you will get through it but whats up with this: D. Earlier, I made the announcement to my wedding party that they were fired (I used nicer words btw). They were all just procrastinating with ordering their dresses & tuxes so to avoid unwanted stress

    that's crazy! sorry you had to deal with that!
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  • In Response to Re: Why today?! (Major vent):
    [QUOTE]gmornin ladies.   Brit {tacklehug} harsh isn't my default m'luvie but even without it being said, I was just coming in here to tell you that I think that given the description of all events so far, you're doing an outstanding job of holding it all together.    What I've seen work in the past is what you're already doing - staying respectful but being firm.   It could help to state your case once, then let them burn off all their talkation and remember that you are not in the convincing business. for mom and mawmaw:  the photobooth is 4 feet wide by 7 feet tall, there are no pictures that can be taken in a space with those dimensions that will replace guest shots.  the other thing?  it's not placed in the reception, it's in a dedicated area, near but not in the dinner space.  Guests have to leave the party to use it or use it before it begins, so there's no danger of it competing with the photographer.  k, next  - hair.  {brit picks up bullhorn} this is MY crown and glory.  /fin here comes the bride sign -  (thoughtbubble):  why is she trippin when this can and will be done in one day.  (outloudtoher):  thanks for the reminder mom, love you for keeping me on task {hide the eyeroll, show the teeth} reception bands - solvable with one phone call.  unless you're nearing their maximum head count, I'd be curious as to why they even care. however many people are there, you gotta pay for em so, I don't see their downside. I applaud you on your decision about the WP.  Not to be cut and dry about it, but this isn't that complicated, if you explain expectations and they're agreed to but not met, you move on.  It's not the end of a relationship, you've simply got bigger things to concern yourself with.  so good for you girl.  cake - please trust mama is going to busy brushing imaginary lint off your dress adjusting and readjusting your veil, crying and telling stories about how just yesterday you were learning to talk.  she will not have that cake to think about let alone how it looks.  as a practical matter, we're not talking big old sould food colored folk slices, caterers know how to cut a cake so that everybody gets a ONE serving anglicized piece.  size/shape depending, 5 tiers should easily cover 150 people. finally this is personal I realize, but (imho) some of the pressure and stress of wedding planning comes from oversharing, which I get.  You want your family, especially the women to be happy with you and for you so it's natural to seek their input, but sharing every stage of the process, again natural, leads to overinvolvement in what a mother sees as a once in a lifetime event.    this is unlike anything else, there aren't a whole bunch of preparations to make for graduating from something or having a baby (both largely out of our control), they get nuts with the details because they're so many details and because we let em.   Input is lovely (if it's helpful), but remember that you're the boss of this day. 
    Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]
    All of this! Exactly what sultry said! ((hugs)) darling. Please don't stress...you don't want to end up like me. It's good that you are getting this all out. Take deep breaths and relax...everything will work out fine. Tell your mom to stop stressing too...our mothers...they just want the best for us...or maybe for themselves. LOLCha
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  • In Response to Re:Why today?! Major vent:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why today?! Major vent:gmornin ladies.nbsp;nbsp; Brit tacklehug harsh isn't my default m'luvie but even without it being said, I was just coming in here to tell you that I think that given the description of all events so far, you're doing an outstanding job of holding it all together.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp; What I've seen work in the past is what you're already doing staying respectful but being firm.nbsp;nbsp; It could help to state your case once, then let them burn off all their talkation and remember that you are not in the convincing business. for mom and mawmaw:nbsp; the photobooth is 4 feet wide by 7 feet tall, there are no pictures that can be taken in a space with those dimensions that will replace guest shots.nbsp; the other thing?nbsp; it's not placed in the reception, it's in a dedicated area, near but not in the dinner space.nbsp; Guests have to leave the party to use it or use it before it begins, so there's no danger of it competing with the photographer.nbsp; k, nextnbsp; hair.nbsp; brit picks up bullhorn this is MY crown and glory.nbsp; /fin here comes the bride sign nbsp; thoughtbubble:nbsp; why is she trippin when this can and will be done in one day.nbsp; outloudtoher:nbsp; thanks for the reminder mom, love you for keeping me on task hide the eyeroll, show the teeth reception bands solvable with one phone call.nbsp; unless you're nearing their maximum head count, I'd be curious as to why they even care. however many people are there, you gotta pay for em so, I don't see their downside. I applaud you on your decision about the WP.nbsp; Not to be cut and dry about it, but this isn't that complicated, if you explain expectations and they're agreed to but not met, you move on.nbsp; It's not the end of a relationship, you've simply got bigger things to concern yourself with.nbsp; so good for you girl.nbsp; cake please trust mama is going to busy brushing imaginary lint off your dress adjusting and readjusting your veil, crying and telling stories about how just yesterday you were learning to talk.nbsp; she will not have that cake to think about let alone how it looks.nbsp; as a practical matter, we're not talking big old sould food colored folk slices, caterers know how to cut a cake so that everybody gets a ONE serving anglicized piece.nbsp; size/shape depending, 5 tiers should easily cover 150 people. finally this is personal I realize, but imho some of the pressure and stress of wedding planning comes from oversharing, which I get.nbsp; You want your family, especially the women to be happy with you and for you so it's natural to seek their input, but sharing every stage of the process, again natural, leads to overinvolvement in what a mother sees as a once in a lifetime event.nbsp; nbsp; this is unlike anything else, there aren't a whole bunch of preparations to make for graduating from something or having a baby both largely out of our control, they get nuts with the details because they're so many details and because we let em. nbsp; Input is lovely if it's helpful, but remember that you're the boss of this day.nbsp;Posted by sultryzuluAll of this! Exactly what sultry said! hugs darling. Please don't stress...you don't want to end up like me. It's good that you are getting this all out. Take deep breaths and relax...everything will work out fine. Tell your mom to stop stressing too...our mothers...they just want the best for us...or maybe for themselves. LOLCha Posted by CreoleBride30[/QUOTE]
    image image May2013 October Siggy:Honeymoon:Putna Cana http://1badwedding.weebly.com/
  • Im with everybody on this ! ! Its like they forget whose wedding it is....thank you for helping me but im getting married NOT YOU !!!!
    image image May2013 October Siggy:Honeymoon:Putna Cana http://1badwedding.weebly.com/
  • Ok, ya'll, I'm back from a much needed time of sleep. I'm calmer now (whoosah...). Glad I got that off my chest though cuz if I went to bed with all that on me, I don't think I would've gotten any rest. Thanks for all the encouraging words. Ya'll ladies definitely understand what I'm going thru.
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  • In Response to Re: Why today?! (Major vent):
    [QUOTE]A. I'm assuming grandma is old school and doesn't understand the photobooth concept and how EVERYONE is doing one. It's ok. You won. B. NATURALGIRLSROCK!!! PERIOD!! Please don't get discourgaged. Check out my blog in my signature if you need some encouragement or PM me anytime. D. You have only 2 months left and they still hadn't ordered there dresses? smh Overall it sounds like what a lot of us have been going through at some point. I don't know why the mom's, grandmoms, etc want to have their wedding instead of supporting our ideas and what we want. Don't worry we can relate and that PMS surely doesn't help! Everything will be ok and your wedding day will be great!
    Posted by MrsBoss2012[/QUOTE]

    Omg, I saved your website right away under my favorites. I need some encouragement like this. I'm gonna go back to write down your products & try some out. Thank you! Also, yeah, my wedding party was actin like they had all the time in da world so I just handed dem all the pink slip. It's ok though, I ain't gonna stress over it. Thanks again.
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  • In Response to Re: Why today?! (Major vent):
    [QUOTE]gmornin ladies.   Brit {tacklehug} harsh isn't my default m'luvie but even without it being said, I was just coming in here to tell you that I think that given the description of all events so far, you're doing an outstanding job of holding it all together.    What I've seen work in the past is what you're already doing - staying respectful but being firm.   It could help to state your case once, then let them burn off all their talkation and remember that you are not in the convincing business. for mom and mawmaw:  the photobooth is 4 feet wide by 7 feet tall, there are no pictures that can be taken in a space with those dimensions that will replace guest shots.  the other thing?  it's not placed in the reception, it's in a dedicated area, near but not in the dinner space.  Guests have to leave the party to use it or use it before it begins, so there's no danger of it competing with the photographer.  k, next  - hair.  {brit picks up bullhorn} this is MY crown and glory.  /fin here comes the bride sign -  (thoughtbubble):  why is she trippin when this can and will be done in one day.  (outloudtoher):  thanks for the reminder mom, love you for keeping me on task {hide the eyeroll, show the teeth} reception bands - solvable with one phone call.  unless you're nearing their maximum head count, I'd be curious as to why they even care. however many people are there, you gotta pay for em so, I don't see their downside. I applaud you on your decision about the WP.  Not to be cut and dry about it, but this isn't that complicated, if you explain expectations and they're agreed to but not met, you move on.  It's not the end of a relationship, you've simply got bigger things to concern yourself with.  so good for you girl.  cake - please trust mama is going to busy brushing imaginary lint off your dress adjusting and readjusting your veil, crying and telling stories about how just yesterday you were learning to talk.  she will not have that cake to think about let alone how it looks.  as a practical matter, we're not talking big old sould food colored folk slices, caterers know how to cut a cake so that everybody gets a ONE serving anglicized piece.  size/shape depending, 5 tiers should easily cover 150 people. finally this is personal I realize, but (imho) some of the pressure and stress of wedding planning comes from oversharing, which I get.  You want your family, especially the women to be happy with you and for you so it's natural to seek their input, but sharing every stage of the process, again natural, leads to overinvolvement in what a mother sees as a once in a lifetime event.    this is unlike anything else, there aren't a whole bunch of preparations to make for graduating from something or having a baby (both largely out of our control), they get nuts with the details because they're so many details and because we let em.   Input is lovely (if it's helpful), but remember that you're the boss of this day. 
    Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]

    Lol I was waitin for ur comment cuz I needed a "tell me the real deal, honest" opinion. Thank you, I'm tryna keep it together as best I can bcuz I refuse to be labled a bridezilla (but don't get me wrong, I will speak up & out when necessary). For the photobooth issue, it's gonna be in the same room as the reception but it's gonna be away from the dinner area & in a designated corner and as I already tried to explain to them: The photobooth isn't takin pics/videos of me gettin ready, it's not there for the ceremony, it's not takin the wedding party/family shots, it's not documenting the 1st dance, etc. It's only gonna be around for 4hrs & it's for guests to have a fast & easy momento of the night. I got my way so I don't even care what they gotta say anymore. Lol ur right: my hair, my crown. I'm proud of it, no matter what she says or what faces she make at it. As for the reception security band thing, the problem is that they're providing them for us but we don't have RSVPs so we don't exactly know who's coming/who isn't and we gotta find someone to pass them out. We're thinking of passing them out to ppl after the ceremony but we know everybody doesn't always go to the ceremony so we gotta figure out how to give them to ppl who show up at the reception so they won't get thrown out by security. Lol I can definitely see my mama so wrapped up in everythin that day that she doesn't even remember a cake even exsisting. We're gonna do the cake we want & she's gonna build a bridge and get over it. Also, ur right, I think I may have gotten too many ppl involved. I think since it's the only wedding we've had in the family (everybody just went to the courthouse), everyone's super excited and wanna put their vision in it. Well, I value their opinion but I'm just gonna stay calm, respectful, & steady remind that this is my wedding, my vision, & I have the final say. Thanks for the encouraging words, I'm ready to put my big girl panties on now & do what I gotta do! lol
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  • We're gonna do the cake we want & she's gonna build a bridge and get over it.

    OMG I've never heard anyone else say that!  I say it all the time, that's too funny.

    I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope it's peaceful from here on out.

    p.s. i can't get over my nosy ways - why does your venue have bands?  thrown out by security?  yeah girl, i'm gonna need more words lol!
  • Lol you say that too?? Everybody else I know always cracks up when I say it cuz they never heard it before. As for the security bands, the owner of the reception site says they're requring my guests to wear colored wristbands bcuz another party is going on there in another room & to help keep track of who belongs where, they have the bands. And anyone who doesn't have a band will be thrown out or denied access by their security. I just hope it's not some ugly color like yellow (eww! i can't stand yellow! no offense to anyone who's using it as a wedding color lol).
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