6 months or a year and a HALF? HELP!!!!!!!

CHANDROMEDA

I am seriously stressing out trying to settle the date for our wedding. I've been working on it for THREE WEEKS NOW. Maybe someone here can help?

Here's the situation: the venue we want is an indoor / outdoor, which would be ideal in September. It's only available Fridays in Sept. 2010, so I just recently made arrangements to book it and lay out a deposit. The DAY I'M GOING TO MAKE THE DEPOSIT my Mom tells me she wants me to postpone it until next year b/c she doesn't want to charge anything on her cards and wants to pay cash for everything, which means she and my stepdad need more time to generate funds. Understandable. But this would mean we wouldn't be able to have the event for another 18 months (so that it could happen in September, the most reliably sunny month up here), even after all the weeks of planning we started.

Meanwhile, Dad is pushing to have it THIS year, which would mean that I'd have to scale back everything to meet a smaller budget. Not a big deal, except my mother had also volunteered to do all the dresses, and I'm scared she won't be willing to given the short amount of time we'd be going back to.

So the question is, 6-month engagement with a smaller budget and no guarantee on dresses and a pissed off Mom and Stepdad, or an 18-month engagement with a bigger budget but a pissed off Dad and one burnt out, impatient, disappointed bride?

jennuinne

There are pros and cons both ways.  I had a friend that pulled off a wedding in 6 months, but you will have to make sacrifices b/c a lot of vendors are already booked and that's a lot of stress stuffed into a short time frame.  But, you'll be stressed out for only 6 months and then it'll be done and you'll be married.

On the other hand, waiting means more options, more money, but longer for you to be stressed out and waiting to be married.  It also depends on whether you and FI have other plans that will be affected by postponing the wedding. 

I would vote for waiting until next year if it was me.  But it totally depends on you and what's important to you. 

jennyann28

Well, first of all, September is 8 months from now...  not 6.  Although your profile says August?  I'm confused.  Second, I think you answered your own question.  "Burnt out, impatient, disappointed bride" says to me that you'd prefer to do it this year.  Can you & your FI pay for part of the wedding?  That seems like it'd solve your budget issue.  Also, some vendors give discounts for Friday weddings.

Ultimately the decision is up to you.  But from your post it seems you already know which way you want to go.

Ciaram22

I agree with PP that you have pretty much already made up your mind. I would go with the wedding this September. I had a 14 month long engagement and there were times that I wish it had been 6 months instead. Way too much stress in too long a period of time.

MrsH8172010

I think you should choose what you really want for yourself if you don't care about having a bigger budget and really want it this year do it!!

But just to give a different point of view, me and FI planned an almost exactly 1 and half year engagement and we love it. It gave us some time to relax and just enjoy being engaged and now we are in real planning mode. All of our family and friends say that is a perfect engagement period. But it also worked well for us because of other things in our life such as school, and remodeling a house.

Do what you want most!!

HTH! : )

carrieoz_76

So either you have a wedding this year with much less money (because your mom won't have time to save up), or you have it next year with all the bells and whistles.  Either is a reasonable option, and people make them work.  I think you and your FI need to sit down and talk about: 1) what is it that you both want from the wedding? 2) how much will that cost? 3) how much do you have and how much can your parents contribute this year versus next year?

I think you need to know if you can afford the wedding you'd be happy with this year.  If yes, then go ahead.  If not, you wait.  

And be reasonable with your mom - she doesn't have to give anything, so anything she gives should not put her in debt.  She's telling you she doesn't want to go into debt for your wedding, and she shouldn't.  You and your FI should contribute whatever's needed to make ends meet if you decide to go forward this year and your parents don't have enough saved yet.

sarack

I vote this year. We have a 15 month long engagement and it's killing me. I wouldn't care about extra money.. it just causes more stress. I would do it now. Congrats BTW!

benjaminandlauren

So many people have different points of view

FI and I had a 17 month engagement, and I loved it. There were a few occasions that I wished we had just gotten everything over with, but we had so much time to do everything, and we got all of the vendors we wanted since we booked early.

cassandran

i was originally going to have my wedding in october and we got engaged on christmas. I am now having my wedding on july 2nd 2011. definately more planning time more time to generate funds and interview and find the right vendors for you. hope that helps. i was struggling picking a date for about a month too. so i know what you're feeling. i know that if i didn't get what i wanted i would regret it after the wedding. if your mom is helping you pay you should do it in 18 months since there are so many things to pay for