African American Weddings
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Guest List Woes...

Mine is K-I-L-L-I-N-G me...I cannot get it down to a reasonable number on my side and FI hasn't been successful on his side either. He is supposed to trim it this weekend, but has already made a short list of people he needs to add. This isn't about budget...it's about space! As much as I love our non-traditional venue, it ONLY seats about 200 comfortably for dinner. They claim we could do reception style for up to 350, but that isn't the type of reception that we want.

I'm so torn...do we revamp the reception and invite the extra people or do we risk insulting and maybe even hurting people close to us? 200 may sound like a lot, but the reality of it is that we have lots of family...even after eliminating those that we aren't close to...several married friends that are close to us (so that means friends times 2) and we have a select group of fraternity brothers and sorority sisters that we can't imagine cutting...then there are the handful of people who are bffs with our parents (yes, the parentals are helping to pay). I just don't know WHERE to cut...ugh.

End vent...begin tear session.
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Re: Guest List Woes...

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    edited December 2011

    I seriously have no advice for you, because I can't seem to get people to stop wanting to add people to our RSVP list that due tomorrow.  LOLSmile

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    edited December 2011

    My gl side been made for the past yr and fi on the other hand is slightly over 20ppl from 50ppl over. He is trying to invite friends of aunts and uncles. Seriously had to tell him NO!



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    edited December 2011
    I have been going through the same thing with FI.  His list and his mom's (she's not paying) is right at the number of people we wanted to invite.  They have a big family and they are close so it's hard to cut down the list, but some people are FMIL's coworkers.  The good thing is, most of our guests are from out of town, so hopefully they all won't come.  But, I did tell FMIL that all her people can't come.  Her coworkers can come to the ceremony if they want, but we don't have money to feed all these people at the reception.

    Eagles, I don't really have advice for you, but just know you're not alone.  I've had many tear sessions about this.  I just recently got to the point where I don't even want to think about it, if we have too many people, we will just have to go over our budget.
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    edited December 2011
    @Eagles you are just as bad as me lol. My guestlist was tipping the scale at 250 and that's being generous with saying probably not this one but may be that one lol.

    My advice is if it's not a financial burden necessarily to add the people, to add them. Change your vision up so that you can add the folks that you love. Especially if it really is hard as it seems to be.
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    edited December 2011
    if you can't cut people and want to include them, you'll probably have to change the venue.  can you go through the list and say you haven't spoken to some of these folk in over a year?  if you haven't, they shouldn't make the cut.  good luck!!

    my list this time around isn't as big, but i didn't invite everyone i wanted to at first because we wanted small and intimate.  also our venue is smaller. 
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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry Eagles, I know this is a hard situation.  FI and I lucked out b/c I don't have a big family and most of my guests are from out of town so I'll bet at least 30% of them won't come.  He has a larger family and more friends, so he will make up for my low numbers - LOL.  But if we were about to go over, we would definitely cut it b/c we're pretty much at our max for the room at our venue - the cap is 150 people. 
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    edited December 2011
    We ran into the same issue - it's definitely a tough one.  We were able to cut down a lot by keeping it adults only, then only allowing a plus 1 for people who are in a serious relationship (not just a random date).  How many would you have to cut to get your list below 200? 
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah...switching venues isn't an option because there aren't many in the city we're marrying in to choose from, we're only 6 months out, and it's almost completely paid for now. Besides...we love it.

    I am trying to look at this from every other angle though...cut or revamp. I probably should have made this a poll. Any ideas on how to make a cocktail style evening reception work when the guests aren't used to the concept? I KNOW my guests will all be expecting a chair and a place card...lol. Of course, if we go over on people that can't happen so I'm just asking for suggestions on how to still have a fab reception if we go this route...
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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think Tam Tam had a cocktail reception wedding, I'm sure she can help! 
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    edited December 2011
    You are definitely not alone in being frustrated with your guest list. I told FH his people are way more civilized than mine lol! I have people who I havent spoken to in years telling me they should not only get an invite, they should have been in the wedding party! Really?? If it wont kill your pockets maybe you should just add them & your stress over the guest list will be gone :)
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    edited December 2011
    Hi Eagles.... I can understand where you are coming from...but try to embrace this opportunity to show folks somethin' new..... You will have some seating as is necessary....but just because they expect a seat and a placecard...dont mean dey gettin' it.... Of course for your older guests...parents and aunts and uncles... sure, there will be a moderate amount of comfortable seating... But for the younger crowd...they should be able to adjust... its all about flexibility... If a reception style will work better with your numbers and you've trimmed down all you can or want... Adjust your vision and do the reception style... I truly believe either or can be beautiful... This doesnt have to be a bad thing..... You never know... folks, including you... may be pleasantly surprised.... I say...bounce it around.. and see how it pans out.... You just might like it...
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    M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    edited December 2011
    If budget isn't an issue invite the extra people. I think you'll be happier in the end.
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