RSVP question...Need Advice

2010Bride2be

Ladies, I need your help on how to handle a RSVP situation.

We have several people who have not RSVP'ed (deadline was 6/18). We have reached out to them. Some have gotten back and some have not. I am at the point now that if I don't hear from these people by this Saturday, I will kindly send them a message stating that since we have not received their RSVP and have not heard back from them after contacting them, we are assuming that they will not be in attendance and removing their name from our guest list.

Another part of this is that there are a couple of B list people (I know, bad, but whatever) that we need to get invites to b/c their RSVP date is July 6th.

Is it bad etiquette to tell these people who have not responded that their names have been removed from the guest list? If so, how would you handle it?

kiyamurph

I wouldn't tell them that they were removed from the list because I do believe that that's bad etiquette.  At this point, if you've already contacted them and they haven't responded, then I'd take that as a no and move forward.  There were several people that we reached out to that we didn't hear back from and just assumed that to mean that they're not coming.  I would go ahead and send the invites out now for the B list people.  This may sound bad but I'm sure that they'll know that they were on the B list since they probably won't get the invite until next week.  I'd send it out today so they can get the invite ASAP.

Carla1019

It is bad etiquette to contact them again and let them know that their name has been removed. We are all adults and if you had a deadline and they missed it they should know that they are no longer included.

HOWEVER, this is a situation I would through etiquette out the window if you know that these people are the type to pop up anyway.

I would send them a text saying something sweet like:

"We understand you are unable to attend our wedding day but hopefully we can get together for coffee afterwards. With love, 2010Bride2B.

Keep it positive!

pinkcottoncandy7

Yeah ignoring the invitation is  saying no. You don't have to chase them down, you really didn't even have to call. You were nice to do those things. If they contact you later just let them know that the missed thier RSVP deadline and you are sorry they will miss the festivities, and you and your hubby would love to do lunch with them after you get back from the honeymoon.

halfpin21

I'm not big on etiquette rules but I sent a postcard to non responders telling them that they have until 6/30 to send in their RSVP if they don't we will automatically have to assume they cannot attend.  I explained on the postcard that this was due to us having a plated dinner, blah, blah, blah.  Now the only people I'm actually going to call at this point are family members and they are mostly on FH's side and not accustomed to RSVPing.  Everyone else will be embarrassed if they show up for dinner...(I'm probably just saying that b/c I'm frustrated since so many hasn't responded so we'll see what I'll actually do).

Artemis9999

We have been dealing with this issue as well. IMO there is nothing wrong with not contacting them at all....they didn't have the courtesy to contact you why should you contact them? For us the policy is if they didn't contact us or a family member via phone, email, wedding website or the reply card I am assuming they are not coming and will not have a seat. We had 242 accept and will pay for 250 guests. After the 242 are seated then the additional guests who did not RSVP can be seated up to the 250. After that....sorry.

2010Bride2be

My thought process behind telling them that they were removed from the guest list for non-response was the fact that if they try and show up the day of, they will be turned away, period. Our coordinator will have the guest list that coordinates with the seating chart. If someone shows up that did not RSVP, they will be informed that we did not receive a response, therefor a seat was not reservered for them. I'm not going through having our venue set up an emergency table for people and having my parent's pay an extra few hundred dollars to acommodate stragglers.

Perhaps its just me, but I think it is so ignorant for people not to RSVP.

halfpin21

Believe me it's not just you and yes, people will show up b/c you should have known they were coming. *rolls eye* Right like you have a magic 8 ball to read their minds.

TNMurray

My FI didn't even contact the people that didn't reply on his list, he just marked them no. I sent out 2 text. No Reply, no seat. don't feel bad

Carla1019

The only reason I think you should try to contact them at least once is becasue you don't know for sure if the invite reached them or if their RSVP was lost in the mail.

This is why I give everyone the benefit of the doubt by trying to confirm once, after that, there out.

JMHO

2010Bride2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_rsvp-questionneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d6038664-e624-4f09-a74b-ca85a01a37b5Post:35d0b132-e59a-42d4-82ba-34f81230bd45">Re: RSVP question...Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason I think you should try to contact them at least once is becasue you don't know for sure if the invite reached them or if their RSVP was lost in the mail. This is why I give everyone the benefit of the doubt by trying to confirm once, after that, there out. JMHO
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

Oh, they have been contacted. Some responded saying they were sending their RSVP back, another chose not to respond to me at all. I'm at the point where I am considering that my one 'reach out'.

wallacje

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_rsvp-questionneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d6038664-e624-4f09-a74b-ca85a01a37b5Post:8d1118af-c993-4303-b208-682fb6d8af52">Re: RSVP question...Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI didn't even contact the people that didn't reply on his list, he just marked them no. I sent out 2 text. No Reply, no seat. don't feel bad
Posted by TNMurray[/QUOTE]

This is what we did. No extra people showed up but we did a DW, one main reason was because of these folks that want to assume that I know they are coming. Puhlease, I have enough stress to deal with.

If you have already contacted them once and still no reply, I totally agree with giving the confirmed guestlist and if they aren't on it, too bad for them.  No need to add any extra stress to your day for you, your FH or your parents.

tcage001

I agree with all the pp and I just sent out my invites Monday and I'm just sitting back waiting on the drama to unfold lol. It's shame how ppl just don't rsvp, like I don't care if you put a big read sign on their windsheild they just don't do it ugh I hate this.

I did put on the RSVP card kindly that if you do not respond by the RSVP date then we'll assume you are unable to attend. I will however for certain close ppl send a courtsey text and If I get nothing then they get no invite from me.

prettymami2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_rsvp-questionneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d6038664-e624-4f09-a74b-ca85a01a37b5Post:2f2db45a-0e4c-4ff3-9a3f-8253ec1f2765">Re: RSVP question...Need Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]It is bad etiquette to contact them again and let them know that their name has been removed. We are all adults and if you had a deadline and they missed it they should know that they are no longer included. HOWEVER, this is a situation I would through etiquette out the window if you know that these people are the type to pop up anyway. I would send them a text saying something sweet like: "We understand you are unable to attend our wedding day but hopefully we can get together for coffee afterwards. With love, 2010Bride2B. Keep it positive!
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

I think the response above sounds perfect.

lil01

We contacted everyone once. But some family members got a 2nd call. After that, we just assumed they weren't coming & there was no need to call and let them know that.

To answer your question, it may be bad etiquette, but for me its just a waste of time letting folks know they're removed from the list. There's a LOT to do as it is.

sdbryan4

Some people I will reach out to (older aunts/uncles) and some people I will NOT (cousins).  If those people decide to show up at the last minute...they will NOT be accomodated.  I plan to have a master list for the venue.  If you dont have a place card, then you didnt RSVP and there is no reserved space for you.  I will not plan to turn people away, but they will not have a meal nor an assigned seat.  I am paying by the head and the last thing I want on my wedding day is to be whipping out my checkbook for the rude, classless people who decided on that day they would come.  They may get lucky if I have no-shows then they can have their meal and seat, but if not...to bad.