Too Much Time.....

kthowell

Okay for the last 3 months I have been reading a book all about marriage and family etc. The advice I mostly get is communication is the key and not to spend so much time planning a wedding and not planning a marriage....so in the mist of all this wedding planning i have been reading and getting prepared for counseling.....has anyone else?

I refuse to spend all this money on a wedding and actually neglect the marriage.......its been said to so many ppl i know and less then a year of marriage they are divorced...

djscat

Yes plan for the marriage.  Counseling is great and helpful.  Books I have read and others have recommended on this site and FB are:

The 5 love languages
Love and Respect
The first 5 years of marriage. 
The love dare

Take this time to really get to know your mate.  Start praying with him on a daily basis even if it is only 20 seconds a day.  Once you get married you will become one.  Now is the time to prepare for that.  Get on one accord with him so that once you are married the transition will not be such a hard and unexpected shock to your system. 

Ksk2012

Yea I agree. My fiance is not a prayer (he is not religious) yes I know. He says he prays as needed but not everyday. So I continue to pray for God to move in his life daily.

My advice: find a good counselor. Don't just stop at the two or three required sessions by your pastor. A friend was telling me  that he and his wife went to the three for four sessions a month before they were to be married. He said she didn't say too much and didn't really open up like he did. Then issues came up. Their pre marital sessions were more of an advising session from their pastor and not getting into things. He said their last session was the same night as the rehearsal dinner. By then it was too late to really get into anything. They were married for 7 years. Now divorced.

 So I say read all the books you can. Be careful to take what you need from each book. The entire book, cover to cover, may not apply to you. Then you start creating problems you read about that do not exist.

Then find a counselor that you both like that will allow you to have kinda of an open door appointments. My sister has been married for 20 years and she says they go to counseling at last once a year for one or two sessions, just to hash somethings out.. they don't go continuously but when they get off track they go and work things out. 

I am worried about my marriage too. I don't want to get all into the planning and forget about he and I.  I have been journaling and going to counseling together and separately to work through our/my issues.
Sorry it is so long...

MrsJenrette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_much-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d72e1c6f-f08b-4809-8232-e939281f8d3ePost:9a2f675b-4178-45aa-aa87-0e434b186bd7">Re: Too Much Time.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes plan for the marriage.  Counseling is great and helpful.  Books I have read and others have recommended on this site and FB are: The 5 love languages Love and Respect The first 5 years of marriage.  The love dare Take this time to really get to know your mate.  Start praying with him on a daily basis even if it is only 20 seconds a day.  Once you get married you will become one.  Now is the time to prepare for that.  Get on one accord with him so that once you are married the transition will not be such a hard and unexpected shock to your system. 
Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

All of this... there's also another book that FI and I read together and had our own little discussion about. It's called "Before you say I Do" by T. D. Jakes.. opened our eyes to alot of things..

We're actually contemplating reading it again to see if our views have changed from when we first read it.

I truly reccommend this book!

PrettyCW5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_much-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d72e1c6f-f08b-4809-8232-e939281f8d3ePost:9a2f675b-4178-45aa-aa87-0e434b186bd7">Re: Too Much Time.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Yes plan for the marriage.  Counseling is great and helpful.</strong>  Books I have read and others have recommended on this site and FB are: The 5 love languages Love and Respect The first 5 years of marriage.  The love dare <strong>Take this time to really get to know your mate.  Start praying with him on a daily basis even if it is only 20 seconds a day.  Once you get married you will become one.  Now is the time to prepare for that.  Get on one accord with him so that once you are married the transition will not be such a hard and unexpected shock to your system</strong>. 
Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

This exactly! This is so true. As you press forward through your planning often many inevitable things will occur and how you two communicate and handle these things is important in your growth into your marriage. It is important to start working on communication and prayer now then to try to fix it and learn all these things after you're married. I'm so glad my FI and I have started working on things because I can only imagine what it would be like in the next few months after we're married. You're on the right track hun! Stick with it :)