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ugh! (sorry its kinda long)

i know i probably bring this upon myself cuz i'm so doggone nosey but ugh! i dont get along with my future MIL  anymore cuz of a stupid fight we had in the past about potty training my future step daughter (she wanted to let her run around without panties or pullup and i said no because i have boys and they dont need to see her naked and this started a HUGE fight between us and thank goodness my FI saw things as i did) anywhoo.

My FI and I both have access to each other FB accounts but he rarely checks his unless he gets a notification on his phone (let me just give a little update, his mom couldnt stand his ex even when they were married because she cheated on him so much she (FMIL) didnt even go to the hospital when his ex had the baby, her first gbaby. she talked so bad about his ex and how she couldnt stand her  yada yada yada but the minute she got mad at me because she couldnt have her way she went running back to the ex and became all buddy buddy with her;

so, with that being said ,his ex and i knew of each other in college but never hung out with each other) so me being nosey as i am i check it just to be nosey ( i know its bad but he knows i check it) alot of his fam has a fb and his mom and the ex are friends on fb. the mom still refers to her as her daughter in law and it drives me NUTS.

there is so much more to this but i would take forever to explain it. i guess the main thing is just i hate she still refers to her as her daughter in law when they have been divorced for 5 yrs already!! ugh

Re: ugh! (sorry its kinda long)

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    edited December 2011
    It disrespectful. And the worst part is that its being done out of spite. Did you tell fi that it bugs you and ask him to have a talk with his mother ? It might work out better if he talks to her, since you gals arent getting along.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ugh-sorry-its-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d7d0b78f-9c6e-488d-9d76-c29f56888fc0Post:05d45201-68fc-4d80-b21e-e1ef99d9f17a">Re: ugh! (sorry its kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]It disrespectful. And the worst part is that its being done out of spite. Did you tell fi that it bugs you and ask him to have a talk with his mother ? It might work out better if he talks to her, since you gals arent getting along.
    Posted by KSTURGIS[/QUOTE]

    yes i have told him, but he doesnt talk to her either {really bad i know} but the spat between his mom and i got really bad. i had let it go because i felt it was really petty until we went to pick the girls up from her house one day she called me something that rhymes with witch and he told her she was the one actlin like one (although he actually never said _itch he just told her she was acting like one and to not call me out of my name like that) we dont even know if she is going to show up to the wedding {which part of me hopes she doesnt cuz i dont want no drama from her}

    i even tried to be the bigger person and call around to get her number to invite her to come with me when i went dress shopping and she said she couldnt talk only to txt her {so i did} and she said she was coming but never showed up which is fine but she is very involved with the ex and the ex's new boyfriend. his mom is very wrong very very wrong and i'm telling you i couldnt begin to tell you how wrong she is for the things she had done.  i am about to just write her off and leave it alone 
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    edited December 2011
    I agree, she is just doing it to be spiteful. If I were you, I would completely act like I don't even notice all the silly, immature spiteful things that she does and just kill her with kindness. I do it all the time. When I see someone that I know doesn't like me, especially when they don't like me for a stupid, ignorant reason, I go out of my way to be nice to them. I turn the fakeness on high! Everytime you see her, be like, Hey, How you doing, you look so nice, smiling and cheesing. It KILLS people when you don't feed into their mess and take the high road. She will eventually stop because she is going to look so stupid being nasty and you are being pleasant to her.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ugh-sorry-its-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d7d0b78f-9c6e-488d-9d76-c29f56888fc0Post:35f777ae-37e1-4b54-b3b7-d2a4b21982f7">Re: ugh! (sorry its kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree, she is just doing it to be spiteful. If I were you, I would completely act like I don't even notice all the silly, immature spiteful things that she does and just kill her with kindness. I do it all the time. When I see someone that I know doesn't like me, especially when they don't like me for a stupid, ignorant reason, I go out of my way to be nice to them. I turn the fakeness on high! Everytime you see her, be like, Hey, How you doing, you look so nice, smiling and cheesing. It KILLS people when you don't feed into their mess and take the high road. She will eventually stop because she is going to look so stupid being nasty and you are being pleasant to her.
    Posted by MrsDorris2be[/QUOTE]


    that is so true!
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    amberlynnedamberlynned member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PP. Killing her with kindness is the ONLY way to go becasue it seems like this woman thrives off of drama.

    Hang in there, I wouldn't offer any more olive branches, (i think you've been saintly so far) just go about your normal thing. If she comes around, then great, if not, then at least the drama stops.
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    tamtam7tamtam7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, she is doing this out of spite.  BTW I totally agree with your point on the whole potty training issue.  I can't believe that she would call the ex daughter in law still.  Come on!  That's rididulous.
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    edited December 2011
    I am sorry you are going through this.

    I say don't feed into her drama and refuse to be part of it. I agree with PP. Kill  her with kindness if you can, and continue to do what you are doing and try not to let it get to you. At the end of the day, you want to feel like you did eveything you could to make the situation right and you have nothing to blame yourself for.

    Again, sorry you have to deal with this mess and GL!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ugh-sorry-its-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d7d0b78f-9c6e-488d-9d76-c29f56888fc0Post:6e8a6931-a291-45d0-9749-46bad9d11bc2">Re: ugh! (sorry its kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with PP, she is doing this out of spite.  BTW I totally agree with your point on the whole potty training issue.  I can't believe that she would call the ex daughter in law still.  Come on!  That's rididulous.
    Posted by tamtam7[/QUOTE]


    girl its more than just a phone call. they hang out all the time, the ex stays with her cousin and my FMIL goes over there on christmas and holidays and whenever the heck she feels like it to hang out. sometimes the two of them even get together and lie about plans so that we cant get the girls on the weekends. she {the ex} will say that she wants to keep them because she wants to spend time with them when in reality she is letting them go with FMIL {my FI was pist when he found out about this} or the ex will say some other kind of lie and when we get them the oldest girl {whos 5} will say they were with mommys boyfriend!

    i must say i am glad my FI knows how to keep them both in place and it doesnt affect our relationship with all this mess
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ugh-sorry-its-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d7d0b78f-9c6e-488d-9d76-c29f56888fc0Post:34ab289e-9944-4db8-a798-729bf79962be">Re: ugh! (sorry its kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am sorry you are going through this. I say don't feed into her drama and refuse to be part of it. I agree with PP. Kill  her with kindness if you can, and continue to do what you are doing and try not to let it get to you. At the end of the day, you want to feel like you did eveything you could to make the situation right and you have nothing to blame yourself for. Again, sorry you have to deal with this mess and GL!
    Posted by Mypasmita[/QUOTE]


    thanks girl, i cant believe how things have turned between us. she is so childish in soooo many ways. anytime she cant have her way she makes it pure H-E-double hockey sticks for anyone. she used to live with us for 6 months and when my FI would leave for work she would make the girls stay in the room with her and not let them come out....girl dont get me started on how she "used to be" to where she is now...smh
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