What would u do? (kinda long and rambling...sorry)

withinpeace

Hi Ladies,

I posted a few weeks ago saying that counseling was going well...well i guess it wasn't going that well...because this weekend @ dinner, i told me fi i was depressed about my weight and getting a little stressed as the wedding approaches...he looked at me and said ur not stressed about your weight..ur stressed at this wedding... i was like wtf...and he was like...i don't think we're ready to get married in october....i almost passed out in the restaurant...i was like so do i need to stop planning the wedding...what are you saying?  then he said he isn't feeling 100% about the october date...we have counseling tomorrow so it should no doubt be interested...what would u do?  i feel like i need to stop planning the wedding...and tell me guests that the wedding isn't happening...i feel so guilty acting like every thing is okay and people are beginning to book their hotels and flights and i might not be getting marred....would love to get ur thoughts on the matter...

MAGNUM06

Hi Within:  For me.. its very difficult to say what I would do.  So much depends on how the both of you feel about the wedding and your preparedness for being married.  Your FI expressed himself about a couple of concerns that he has. We as women have to have an ear to hear him.  Don't get me wrong... I'm definately not saying that my feelings wouldn't be hurt or that I wouldn't be STUNNED by the comment of "I'm not feeling the October date" but now that it has actually been verbalized, meaning you have been TOLD, you have heard him say it.. You HAVE TO HEAR IT and be proactive as a couple in working thru it. This is actually a good time to be in counseling and a better time to have heard these feelings. It's better to hear them NOW....BEFORE the wedding...So.. count it all JOY and take this time in counseling to work thru whatever issues you might be going thru.  Dont be overly concerned about other people and what they think... When you as a couple have made a decision, then you can let folks know what to do.. and move on at that point. Be encouraged, it's all gonna work out in your favor!!!

rodeo417

you both need to be clear and upfront with each other. ask him plain and simple does he want to marry you.  he might be worried about the effect that its taking on your health. if he thinks that it would be better to push the date back, thats not a biggie. most places will allow it and you wont be ripping your hair out.

wheatney22

I'm with MAGNUM. You need to listen to what he is saying. You should definitely raise your concerns during your counseling session tomorrow.
And if you believe in prayers, I say start praying for direction from God. Marriage is a big step. Being with the right person and timing are important factors. He could be the right person and the October date just might not be the right time for you both.
Bring it up during your session tomorrow and find time to sit down and talk about it with FI.

ufsweetiebear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_would-u-kinda-long-ramblingsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:da50290d-62a4-4e6e-9a4b-b33e1f00a226Post:050406c8-84bb-466c-9466-3a85513e1c7d">Re: What would u do? (kinda long and rambling...sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Within:  For me.. its very difficult to say what I would do.  So much depends on how the both of you feel about the wedding and your preparedness for being married.  Your FI expressed himself about a couple of concerns that he has. We as women have to have an ear to hear him.  Don't get me wrong... I'm definately not saying that my feelings wouldn't be hurt or that I wouldn't be STUNNED by the comment of "I'm not feeling the October date" but now that it has actually been verbalized, meaning you have been TOLD, you have heard him say it.. You HAVE TO HEAR IT and be proactive as a couple in working thru it. This is actually a good time to be in counseling and a better time to have heard these feelings. It's better to hear them NOW.... BEFORE the wedding...So.. count it all JOY and take this time in counseling to work thru whatever issues you might be going thru.  Dont be overly concerned about other people and what they think... When you as a couple have made a decision, then you can let folks know what to do.. and move on at that point. Be encouraged, it's all gonna work out in your favor!!!
Posted by MAGNUM06[/QUOTE]

Very well said!

miah_23_ncb

first i just want to say what a blow! however better to find out now then 2monts into the marriage. I personally would want clarification: do you want to marry me. but if you think bringing it back up wil start more drama hold out until your counseling session. The therapist should be able to mediate and help you guys talk it out. I wish you the best

missrekaeagle

I'm not sure what I'd do other than pray to God for direction. Good luck though, and keep us posted! ~~~Knottie vibes your way~~~

essian

Magnum hit the nail right on the head. You guys talk things through and listen to FI's concerns.Afterwards, pray to God to help you guys make a decision on whether to move forward or postpone the wedding. Don't worry about what people are going to say for now. What's more important is focusing on the two of you and making sure you are on the same page. Good Luck!!! Don't worry, it would all work out in the end.

summerbride11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_would-u-kinda-long-ramblingsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:da50290d-62a4-4e6e-9a4b-b33e1f00a226Post:48b6d3ab-2ab0-4fd5-96e7-b22902870a01">Re: What would u do? (kinda long and rambling...sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure what I'd do other than pray to God for direction. Good luck though, and keep us posted! ~~~Knottie vibes your way~~~
Posted by missrekaeagle[/QUOTE]

Ditto missrekeagle.I also feel that  this could be "cold feet". Not everyone gets this within the week of the wedding. You know him best. The fact that he already attends counseling w/ you is a step. A lot of men won't even venture there. Leave it in God's hands. Whether you work things out or not...we are here for you.