African American Weddings

My in laws are coming

Dang GINA! (Martin) lol. I have really never gotten along with them.  They refuse to come to my house since I am here.  They have not been to this house in 3 years.  They treat my kids differently then they treat the other grandkids.  As for my daughter from a previous relationship, they totally treat her wrong.  They avoid me at all costs.  They do not speak to me if we are in the same place.  I basically do not exist to them.  This is a step up from when they blatantly did not invite me to any family functions and my hubby had to divide mother's day and Christmas between me and them.  This is a step up from when they would hang up the phone if I answered when they called.  They still will call and ask to speak to the kids that he and I have together but not speak to my daughter. 

I am happy that now his siblings are accepting me somewhat, but his parents still hate me.  It really hurts.  Don't get me wrong, I did things that made them not like me, but in my defense it was over 4 years ago.  We have been together for 6 years! I would think by now that we would be able to have conversations with each other.  I would think that by now I would get introduced to my in laws friends instead me having to introduce myself and then they look at me like an alien. 

the worst thing is that he is afraid to tell them that we are having a wedding.  Really..  And he is trippin because he is scared that they will not help pay like they paid for his sibling's weddings.  Uh duh, they hate me why would they... I am so nervous. I just want to be accepted and forgiven.  I was 20 years old when I messed up and I am about to be 27. This is ridiculous.  How do you guys get along with your in laws? If you have had hurdles, how have you gotten past them?
Photobucket

Re: My in laws are coming

  • cincy2011cincy2011 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry to hear about your situation.  I get along well with my in-laws, but they live 4 hours away so I know that helps alleviate any tension that might be there if we were in the same city.  I would only suggest that you pray for them and every time you get angry in the midst of their bad behavior, pray for God to keep you calm and loving in spite of their immaturity and unforgiveness.  Just take the higher road and maybe eventually they will come around.  And even if they don't, you can feel good knowing that you did the right thing and just continue to pray for them. 

    I had problems with a co-worker (a couple of jobs ago) and I started praying for her every night.  Do you know she started acting completely different in a few weeks?  Prayer works! 
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • hunee=pyehunee=pye member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you can have hubby setup a meeting with them  so you can offer an apology for the past and let them know that you want to build a relationship for the future. They should have some understanding that you were young we have all done things at a younger age that we look upon and wonder what the heck was I thinking.
  • edited December 2011
    I will pray for them. I know prayer works.  I have had him set up meetings and his mom just starts going off naming everything I have ever done in the world and saying that she does not need to see me.  I have written apologies and I have apologized to her face only to have her shut me down.  My BIL's (SILs husband) mom tried to sit us all down and talk and my MIL ran away.  The messes up thing is, they live in another country.  They are hardly ever here and you would think the distance would calm things but it doesnt.  They are coming back Saturday.  I have to get on my knees and pray.
    Photobucket
  • bmoton82bmoton82 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would continue to pray about it and let God work it out on his own timing. Maybe once they find out you two are getting married, they will have no choice but to accept the fact that you will be around permanently. Just continue to be mature, patient, and loving towards them even if they don't display the same actions to you. You already apologized once; no need to keep apologizing.  If your in laws will not accept your child, don't force it. I also feel that at some point your future hubby needs to step in and let them know they are wrong for treating you that way since you will be married into the family.  Like I said before, maybe after they learn that you will be the wife their mentality will change. Good luck. Hoping for the best turn out for you
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011

    You just receive some really good suggestion from the PP, but most of all continue to pray and ask GOD to take control of the situation.  I do agree do not keep apologizing for your actions, just show them your a different person (GODLY).  They will come around just hang in there!!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicAnniversary
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_laws-coming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:eab56eca-aee0-4746-8737-5557ab714f14Post:e5273f2f-ff22-4218-a0c9-77567e51abeb">Re: My in laws are coming</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so sorry to hear about your situation.  I get along well with my in-laws, but they live 4 hours away so I know that helps alleviate any tension that might be there if we were in the same city.  I would only suggest that you pray for them and every time you get angry in the midst of their bad behavior, pray for God to keep you calm and loving in spite of their immaturity and unforgiveness.  Just take the higher road and maybe eventually they will come around.  And even if they don't, you can feel good knowing that you did the right thing and just continue to pray for them.  I had problems with a co-worker (a couple of jobs ago) and I started praying for her every night.  Do you know she started acting completely different in a few weeks?  Prayer works! 
    Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>AMEN prayer works. 

    </div>
    Anniversary
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards