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Lessons learned while planning your wedding???

sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
First Comment
in African American Weddings
I have learned...

1. Not everyone will be happy/excited about your wedding...even friends!
2. The marriage is far more important than the wedding.
3. If you let them, your guests/family/friends will take over.
4. We have to live afterwards, so only do what we can afford.
5. We are the stars of the show...not the guests!
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Re: Lessons learned while planning your wedding???

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    PB-Bride2010PB-Bride2010
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    edited December 2011
    AMEN SISTER....TELL IT....BUT SO SAD ISN'T!!! WHY MUST PEOPLE ACT LIKE THAT!!!
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    arrichardarrichard
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    edited December 2011
    I could not have said it any better I too have learned all those lesson's.......which has made me so tired...don't see any time soon that I will be able to relax before the wedding so I don't have bags under my eyes..
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    mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
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    edited December 2011
    Say it again!


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    Panda16Panda16 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree... I've also learned to do your research and make sure you're completely sure about a venue/vendor before committing.
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    adgenyaadgenya member
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    edited December 2011
    You can't please everyone.
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    MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
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    edited December 2011
    SD get out of my head lol. When I read your post your responses were some of the ones I was thinking. I could not have said it any better. AMEN!
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    sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
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    edited December 2011
    And let's not mention finding out which friends will hold you down. Mine are "around" but do not even ask about my wedding. My alleged BFF told me she wouldn't miss it for the world, but now she's not coming. Can't blame it on finances, because she has been shopping like her life depends on it...but oh well...life goes on.

    But I tell you what, I will not be throwing any more baby showers, bridal showers or etc for any of them! I don't do things for others so that they can do things for me in return,but I have set all of my friends out for their weddings and baby showers and I can barely get a shower hosted by them...I'm so done!
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    MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
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    edited December 2011
    SD as many of these ladies can tell you, I always folks act a fool during weddings and funerals. It is sad but so true. After my wedding I am so done with a couple of folks in my BP.

    I am throwing my own lil bachelorette night out with folks I wanna party with because I don't have time for folks who gotta decide if they wanna party with my age group. My Maid of Honor is like 26 (she is the fiancee' of the Best Man, which happens to be FI's brother) and she hangs out at clubs that allow folks 21 and up in there. I am over 35 (still under 40), what do I look like partying with that type of crowd? Don't get me wrong she is ok but I think I will just undertake that task for myself and let it be at that.
     
    I have told folks I didn't want the traditional shower because my "real" friends and family our out of state and I do not want them to travel for that and then have to travel for my wedding too. so this is how I choose to do it. I feel definitely where you are coming from!
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    sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
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    edited December 2011
    I'm very disappointed in my "friends" because I have set them all out...and they act like nothing is going on. So, after the wedding, I'm going to focus on me. To hell with any baby or bridal showers for any of them. I traveled by plane to throw them showers and these heffers seem to have forgotten. I really feel like I need to voice my frustration...but I'm going to leave it alone. I better get a gift or the horns are coming out LOL!
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    MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LMAO.... I know that's right! If I were you I would just be a lady about it and keep silent. I am going to tell you why: because you know everything you did for showers, parties, etc... you did from your heart. They will realize everything in time trust me. They ain't dumb by a long shot. 

    I  know for every event that has been thrown by these heffas I have contributed in some sort of way. I agree with you 100% to focusing on you and yours. I am doing the same. I am sure I will have to see these two particular "friends" at family functions and such but I will not be going out of way like before. That's for sure.
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    VelvetEleganceVelvetElegance
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    edited December 2011
    The biggest thing I learned is how much I underestimated the competing agendas of major players READ: The Moms! Ppl are quick to say it's my day and all this, but at least in my case, that's only partly true. My FMIL is determined to host our rehearsal dinner at a restaurant that neither me nor FI want, but she pretty much gave us an ultimatum: my way or no way! I learned a lot about her after that.
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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
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    edited December 2011

    Only tell the details of wedding planning to a select few people that you trust, that respect your right to have things your way and who will not criticize or push their opinion on you.  I am only talking to my FI, mom, aunt and two best friends about the daily planning stuff and decisions we're making.  If I started telling more people than that, I think I'd have a lot more drama going on and too many people telling me me what I "should" do. 

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    OFFOFF
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    edited December 2011
    I learned all of the above!
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    KSTURGISKSTURGIS
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    edited December 2011
    I also agree with all of the above.
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    missrekaeaglemissrekaeagle
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    edited December 2011
    These are great posts for those of us who are just starting to plan our weddings. Thanks ladies!
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    MrsDorris2beMrsDorris2be
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    SD- Maybe your friends are planning you something that is a surprise?
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    angel1920angel1920
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with everything above especially how friends start acting differently! Why do they do that? I was never that way when my friends got married, I was truly happy for them. Also I'm 33 so I think a lot of my single friends put me into the "single black woman forever"category and may be a little jealous. It's like they try to find something wrong with everything. Why can't people just be happy for each other? This process has shown me that everyone is not happy for you when things are going well in your life
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    MrsJJohnson2BMrsJJohnson2B member
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    edited December 2011

    AMEN!!!!

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    eagles347eagles347
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_lessons-learned-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:f443f8fc-e262-47f4-a0d1-1c3426216324Post:0bbe8825-1223-420e-9318-9d4ea7fb526a">Re: Lessons learned while planning your wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]SD- Maybe your friends are planning you something that is a surprise?
    Posted by MrsDorris2be[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was thinking...
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    QueenFromQueenzQueenFromQueenz member
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    edited December 2011
    I already am learning to STFU. lol Everyone has an opinion and they're not afraid to blurt it out.
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    VelvetEleganceVelvetElegance
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_lessons-learned-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:f443f8fc-e262-47f4-a0d1-1c3426216324Post:6f5b0020-ce93-49f7-97d4-c54e6060dfeb">Re: Lessons learned while planning your wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Only tell the details of wedding planning to a select few people that you trust, that respect your right to have things your way and who will not criticize or push their opinion on you. Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]

    I wish I knew this 9 mos ago when I first got engaged. The first two months after I got engaged, I couldn't go anywhere with my friends without being bombarded with mell meaning advice.. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard "You know what you really should do is..." or "I know you're gonna [insert bad idea here], right".. I was over it. And another thing, I got so tired of ppl referring me to  their friend Soand So who "takes pictures" or their cousin who is also a caterer. My wedding is one of the biggest things I'll ever do, and I only hired vendors who were experienced and highly regarded. I wasn't lookin for the hookup.
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    sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honey,my cousin is planning it and they areonly planning to show up and eat LOL...it's the truth LOL! Even my cousin is mad about it!
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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_lessons-learned-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:f443f8fc-e262-47f4-a0d1-1c3426216324Post:6cf3d8bb-179a-4d90-8c8e-bbaf0a12f24c">Re: Lessons learned while planning your wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lessons learned while planning your wedding??? : I wish I knew this 9 mos ago when I first got engaged. The first two months after I got engaged, I couldn't go anywhere with my friends without being bombarded with mell meaning advice.. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard "You know what you really should do is..." or "I know you're gonna [insert bad idea here], right".. I was over it. And another thing, I got so tired of ppl referring me to  their friend Soand So who "takes pictures" or their cousin who is also a caterer. My wedding is one of the biggest things I'll ever do, and I only hired vendors who were experienced and highly regarded. I wasn't lookin for the hookup.
    Posted by VelvetElegance[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yeah girl, I really learned that lesson from seeing one of my best friends almost have a nervous breakdown b/c so many people were in her ear about her wedding.  She was getting paranoid, it was crazy!!  The worst were her FMIL and FSIL - I kept telling her to stop telling them stuff, but they asked and she felt like she couldn't avoid their questions.  So after that I made a firm decision to keep my plans to myself for the most part.  And I so feel you on the amateur vendor  recommendations - I've only had one friend do that so far, but I didn't follow up with her friend.  I am with you, I'd rather go with the best I can afford vs. a hook up for our big day.

    </div>
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    Rhoyal_1Rhoyal_1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1-Plan quietly.

    2- Do not be surprised when Uncle Gus Gus is a must have on FI's guest list AND you have never met or heard of him. 
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    essianessian member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The biggest and surprising lesson I have learned is that not all the people I considered my good friends are happy for me. 2 of my BM's have been acting weird and haven't been involved at all during the planning process. All I ask for is really a phone call to see how things are progressing but that never occurred and then anytime I called, they seemed to be in a hurry to get off the phone. But, it's all good.Our wedding has made me realize that they are not people I should count on.   
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