African American Weddings
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Are these brides too young? - Say Yes to the Dress

The Say yes to the dress episodes today featured two brides that were 19.. wow is that too young? I thinks o.... but maybe I am thinking of me at 19 and Lordie no I could not have been married... what do you guys think?
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Re: Are these brides too young? - Say Yes to the Dress

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    FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do think there is a too young age just because of how we evolve as people over time.  I am 32 now, and I swear at 25 that I was ready to be a wife.  I would have driven a man and myself crazy and would have been divorced by now or in a miserable marriage.  So, I know at 19, it would have been crazy.  

    However, you can never tell those that are in it that they should wait.  People talk of how age is nothing but a number and maturity.  I was mature for my age when I was a teen, but I was still ill equipped for marriage.  


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    aicilaaicila member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_brides-young-say-yes-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:f775c3cf-9552-486c-9dbf-daad57437205Post:af365281-ee64-45e0-9e7d-655c170eebfe">Re: Are these brides too young? - Say Yes to the Dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do think there is a too young age just because of how we evolve as people over time.  I am 32 now, and I swear at 25 that I was ready to be a wife.  I would have driven a man and myself crazy and would have been divorced by now or in a miserable marriage.  So, I know at 19, it would have been crazy.   However, you can never tell those that are in it that they should wait.  People talk of how age is nothing but a number and maturity.  I was mature for my age when I was a teen, but I was still ill equipped for marriage.  
    Posted by Fabbiegirl[/QUOTE]
    HAHA that's what I said!
    I
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    sheshedukeshesheduke member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is how they do in the south. Seriously I know a ton of people that if they were not married by 21 something was considered wrong with them. Not me though I was so not ready.
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    edited December 2011
    Wow .... maybe so I was like 19.. NO WAY! Too young.  At 19 I was in college still living in the dorms and using my meal card for food. How could I have a husband!
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    edited December 2011
    I think it all depends on the maturity level. Some young women are very mature for their age. My mother got married at 21 and is still married to this day. I am 25 getting married, but when I tell people I'm only 25 they are often shocked. Because of my position and maturity level most people at work thought I was in my mid 30's until I had a birthday and told people how old I was. Faces dropped to the floor, even my boss. They all said they just thought I had a baby face, they didn't know I was really that young because of the way I present myself. To me it's if you are mature enough to understand and handle it.
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    island07b2bisland07b2b member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Married at 19???  Only if I lived in a country where the culture was to have an arranged marriage.  In other words, you'd have had to drag me into saying "I Do" at 19.  Otherwise, IT.WAS.NOT.HAPPENING.  I was extremely mature at 19 but I knew I did not want to be married.  You don't know yourself at 19 even if you think you do.  You have to live life to truly understand yourself and even at 50 you still are learning about yourself. 

    If you do get married that young, and many people do, then make sure you have a stong foundation for that marriage based on love and commitment and not heavy infatuation or the cinderalla syndrome.  Also know that marriage is a learning process and will take lots of energy to keep strong and in a growth mode as both you and your DH mature.  I also think that a strong support system (i.e. family and friends who are mentors not meddlers) and having a strong faith foundation is essential to the success of a young marriage (well marriage on the whole really).  



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    edited December 2011
    One of my friends was married at 18, I was shocked!! I thought they only did that in the South.. waaaaay back in the day when our grandparents were growing up! I am 23 and I get asked a looooooottt "Are you sure you are ready?" It's kind of irritating but I definitely know this man is the one for me, I am done.. it depends a lot on maturity and where you are in your life all together. I know at 19 I definitely would not have been ready.. AT ALL ... but I can't assume that for everyone else.

    Oh yea, my friend that was married at 18 is now 23 and is still happily married, so.. It worked for her!
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    prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My baby sister actually got married at 19 and has been married for a year now granted she and husband are in military and he was deployed the first 6 months of their marriage but it seems to be working for them now. Could I have imagined being married at 19 no. When I was 19 I was on my first year in college and enjoying some independence. Now at 24 almost 25 in a little over a month, I appreciate that time that I had to live alone and learn how to provide for myself. I know how to manage a household, etc. So now when I marry my fiance in a few weeks I've experienced life, I have been able to date , travel, etc and I know for sure that I am 100% sure of my decision to marry. At 19 really what have you had time to do?

    Fi's grandmother was married at 14 but that's what they did in those times. Fi's cousin got married at the age of 21 and has been married 27 years now. So I guess it depends on persons maturity and ability to handle the responsibilites of marriage.

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    edited December 2011
    Too young? That's relative but in my opinion they are. Ya'll know my story... I did it just on the other side of 21 and 5 years later was divorced. Ironically the divorce happened once I'd "Found" myself and had a better understanding of who I was as a woman.

    To ME 28-30 is the ideal time for marriage simply because your early twenties are your discovery years and your mid to late twenties are your put that plan into action years. It seems like I became most stable during that time and here I am at 29 (will be almost 30) when I marry.

    I'm not saying there are exceptions to this rule but most 19 year olds aren't emotionally ready to be wives. 
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    edited December 2011
    I don't know about on this board, but I am definitely the "old" chick on my Month Board.  I am 36 and my FI is 45, and this is the first marriage for both of us and neither of us have children.  I used to think I wanted to get married younger, but I guess things happen in their right time. I feel like I am in a good place in my life and am happy that I waited for the right man. 

    I won't say that people are too old or young to get married, but I hope that people think about the opportunity costs that come along with the choices they make.  What works for some may not work for others.  As long as people are happy that is most important. 
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    edited December 2011
    Speaking from experience I was expecting at 19 so my parents felt I should "do the right thing" and marry the father. We did and we were not ready. We tried our best and divorced 6 years later. I am now 31 and ready for marriage. I don't have any regrets but I believe that it is possible to make a relationship work at a young age but you have to be able to grow together.
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    edited December 2011
    I say it depends. I'm 23 and I get tirrreeed of people saying your too young, am I sure that I'm ready..blah blah blah. I've been hearing this since I've been engaged (yearsss ago.lol). Once they hear my/our story, they respect where we've been. It depends on how mature the person is and his/her life experiences. So therefore I can not judge, but if I did get to watch the episode, I would of been able to tell by the person's actions/personality.
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    TNMurrayTNMurray member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dont bring this up on my month board, you will get flamed by the 19 year olds
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    sheshedukeshesheduke member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mine too there are a lot of young people getting married on that board.
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    edited December 2011
    On one hand, I don't think I was that immature at 19.  At the same time, the experiences I have had between 19 and now (I'm 30) have helped me to be a more well-rounded person and truly ready to be a good and content wife.  On one hand, I can't say I would be terrible at marriage at 19, but I'm not sure if I would've been content 10, 20-plus years later if I never had a chance to live life as an independent, single adult before settling down. 

    I see a lot of people I went to high school with who had kids young or got married young, and at 30 or so years of age many of them still act like they barely left high school, if at all...spending a huge amount of time at the club, getting into beef and fights with people, being really dramatic over petty stuff.  I wonder if it's a product of not getting the immaturity or single living out of their system at a younger age, and now they're having a quarter-life crisis of sorts. 

    I know that everyone is different, and I'm really not trying to be judgmental, but I think there's something to be said for growing as a single, independent person before getting married and living the family life.
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    edited December 2011
    I never like to generalize about anything. It depends on the couple. Some are ready at 19. At that age, some men and women are in the military, putting their lives on the line. If they can do that, surely they're ready for a committed relationship. A dear friend of mine got married right after high school. She and her husband are still married nearly 20 years later. 

    I think we probably all know people who got married at 29 or above, and they still weren't ready. 

    Would I call 19 ideal? Not for me. But that doesn't mean it's not perfect for someone else.
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